Chapter One
“Hey, hey! Kellie here. Your fiction therapist with a minor in messy behavior. Welcome back toAnd What Now, Readers?The podcast where your favorite book drama gets lovingly dissected and lightly roasted.”
“And I’m Micah, your literary, and sometimes television, gossip sommelier.”
“Sommelier?” Kellie laughs. “You don’t even drink wine.”
“Who needs alcohol when you can get drunk on shit like we have for you today?”
“Oh, I love how spicy this is,” Kellie adds.
“It’s more than spicy. It’s full-on scorched earth. We’re talking about Petra Rose today, darling of book clubs and Tumblr mood boards, whose reputation has erupted into literary flames.”
“And if you somehow missed it while scrolling your feed, or, I don’t know,breathing, the internet hascompletelyturned on the formerly adored author. And not gently,” Kellie says.
“Nope. The international bestselling author ofA Terrible Thing—”
“That’s probably the worst book title of all time,” Kellie interrupts.
“Truly,” Micah says. “It’s like she was asking for this backlash.Beggingfor it. Anyway, the novel basically launched a thousand#TeamAsh-versus-#TeamCaleb debates. It was at the center of total fandom fallout in the best way. Until it wasn’t. Kellie, want to do the short-recap honors before we announce our surprise guest?”
“Well, it won’t be short, but my pleasure. Let’s rewind for those of you new to the alphabet.A Terrible Thingis, by readers’ standards, not such a terrible book. It is a deeply emotional and beautifully crafted novel about Elise and her journey through love, trauma, identity, along with a pinch of fun. You get a little bit of everything in this realistic romance, so it’s honestly shocking how huge the book got without it having a single dragon or wizard. But it’s because it wasn’t just sexy, cheap romance. It was character development, moral complexity, fan fictionGold.”
“We get it. You liked it. Get to the good stuff,” Micah says.
“It used to be my favorite book,” Kellie says defensively.
“It can still be your favorite book.”
“Not after this,” Kellie says. “Okay, so the love triangle. Elise, Ash, and Caleb. You’d truly have to have been on a five-year trek in the jungle not to have at least seen an Ash-and-Caleb meme. Whole subreddits were devoted to that emotional tug-of-war. But then? Then the movie adaptation happened.”
Micah groans. “Calling that an adaptation is a stretch.”
Kellie says, “But this adaptation had promise and a high budget. It was a majorly hyped-up movie that the studio and author were being very oddly hush hush about. We weren’t even getting cast updates, outside of two of the main characters. There was zero mention of our beloved character Caleb. He was nowhere to be found when the trailer dropped. Just—poof. And that was enough to almost start a war when the trailer dropped without a single clip of him in it. But people still showed up for the movie despite the early concerns spreading throughout TikTok.”
“And the concerns expressed on this podcast,” Micah says. “You talked about it every day.”
“Fine, I was team Caleb. Anyway. TheyCuthim. Cut the entire triangle. Restructured the story to make it all about Ash and his connection with Elise. And fans were not happy. Not even team Ash fans, because what the hell were they supposed to do with all the merch the author sold them? Team Ash wasn’t even a thing that made sense after that monstrosity of a movie. It made it seem like wearing a #TeamAsh shirt meant you were not team Elise, but we wereallteam Elise. We were betrayed, Micah.Betrayed.”
“Yes, like screaming-in-the-rain-while-covered-in-red-wine-stains levels of betrayed,” he says.
“Let’s not discuss that night. I was upset.”
They both laugh.
“Okay, okay,” Kellie says. “We all know how Hollywood works and how most authors don’t get a say in how their adaptations turn out. There are a lucky few who do, but for the majority, it’s not up to them. And Petra initially took that classic ‘don’t blame me’ route. She posted to Insta with something like ‘Hey, besties, I had no creative control. I was just as shocked as you all were.’”
“And honestly, we were so ready to believe her,” Micah says. “For about five seconds. Until—cue dramatic music—an old text exchange leaked between Petra and one of the producers. Not only did she know about the change, shelikedit.”
“Yes, what was it she said in that conversation?” Kellie asks.
“I have it here. I shall read it,” Micah says. “‘You’re right, there’s a lot out there about him being unrealistic. I’m fine with that character being cut. Might make it a stronger film with Caleb and the love triangle out.’”
“That ‘stronger film with Caleb out’ line sent people into orbit,” Kellie says. “Like,stronger?Stronger? You don’t just erase half an entire fandom and call it a decluttering session!”
“The backlash was immediate,” Micah says. “TikTok, Reddit, X—formerly Twitter but let’s be real, still just Twitter—all blew up with hashtags like #CancelPetra and #ATerribleAdaptation and#ATerribleAuthor. Which is why I stand behindA Terrible Thingbeing the worst novel title ever. Too easy to roast.”
“So easy,” Kellie says. “And now there are fans literally burning their copies ofA Terrible Thing. We are in a full literary rebellion. They feel personally betrayed,as do I. She lied to us. She chose the industry over the intimacy that made her book matter, and the fandom that made her a star. She erased everything that made us love this book in the first place. And then blamed it on a few critiques she received, despite hundreds of thousands of readers who praised it.”
