“Seriously?” Anger mixed with pain rushes through me, the word coming out sharper than intended. “You’re giving me the whole ‘this was a mistake’ speech again?”
“It wasn’t a mistake,” he says fiercely. “But when I’m with you, I forget everything else. My responsibilities, my plans, and my reasons for keeping everyone at a distance.” He touches my face gently and lets his walls down slightly, like when he let me feel his parents’ rings back in the Drowned Tower. “You make me feel human, Jade. But humans make mistakes. They let emotions cloud judgement. And there’s far too much on the line to take that risk.”
“But back there, our connection saved me. I wouldn’t have passed the trials without it. Withoutyou.”I search his eyes, needing more than his cryptic statements aboutrisk.
“I did everything possible to guide you through the trials,” he agrees. “But after that…” His pupils dilate, as if the thought of the altar is making him crave a repeat performance. “We were exposed. Vulnerable. Too wrapped up in each other to be aware of the world around us.”
“What if I like being wrapped up in each other?” My breaths are coming quicker now, anxiety rushing through my veins at the realization that he’s actually doing this. He’s ending this right after we started it again. He gave me hope, then snatched it away before it had a chance to settle in my heart.
Part of me hates him for it.
Another part knows that after everything he saw and did for me during the trials, I’ll never hate him. I’d neverwantto hate him. It might even be impossible for me to hate him.
But that doesn’t make what he’s doing to me emotionally right now hurt any less.
He watches me like he’s trying to figure out what he wants, and then, his expression hardens.
“What you like in the moment doesn’t matter. Because what I like is keeping you alive, and I’m going to keep you that way,” he declares, the words final. “Meet me here at ten pm tomorrow. We’ll train, we’ll work on your control, and we’ll keep you safe. Nothing more.” He steps back, the walls slamming back into place behind his eyes, the topic closed.
I shake my head, dizzy with the whiplash of it all.
How can he so easily go from wanting me to pushing me away? It’s like he can switch a flip in his brain, and it makes me feel… unwanted? Used? Rejected? Disposable? I’m not sure. I wish I knew, but I just… don’t.
“What do I tell Evie?” I finally ask, trying to flip my switch as easily as he flipped his. Which is impossible, since I don’thavean emotional switch. Just a bursting heart and a mind that never shuts up. “She’ll notice me sneaking out.”
“I’ll handle Evie. Just meet me here at ten,” he says, and before I can ask how exactly he plans tohandlemy roommate, he’s walking away, leaving me standing there with my heart in pieces and my body still humming from his touch.
I lift my hand to touch the stone, my sigil melting away the door and leading me into a storage closet in the back of Phoenix Hall.
Ten pm tomorrow.
I don’t know whether to dread it, or to count down the seconds.
JADE
I barely slept last night.Every time I closed my eyes, I was back in that altar room with Logan’s hands in my hair, and his mouth?—
Get it together,I think, shifting in my seat and forcing myself to focus on class.
Given that I’ll be training each night, it’s going to be hell to get through my classes this exhausted. But it’s better than not being prepared for Kieran’s trials and exposing my magic to the entire school. So, somehow, I’m going to have to figure it out. Maybe there’s a witch herb or spell I can use to help keep me awake. Evie might know. After all, she told me on our first day that she’s been surrounded by ancient grimoires and first edition spell books for her entire life, thanks to the magical publishing house her parents own.
As it is now, Professor Lydia Rousseau stands at the front of the Pyropsychology classroom, her sharp features arranged in what might generously be called a smile.
“Today we’ll be practicing emotional mirroring,” she announces. “The ability to project your emotional state onto another witch is fundamental to fire psychology. Partner up.”
Before I can grab Evie, Nina appears at my elbow.
“Partners?” She doesn’t wait for an answer, instead just settling into the seat next to me that was just vacated by Lauren, who hurried to partner up with Gabriel.
“Sure,” I say, because what else am I going to do? Tell her I’d rather partner with literally anyone else while my emotions are a roller coaster disaster?
Lydia paces between the tables, sizing up who partnered with who. “Remember,” she continues, “this is about authentic projection. Your partner should feel what you feel. Begin with something simple. Contentment, perhaps. Mild irritation. Basic joy. Too much intensity and you risk overwhelming your partner’s defenses entirely.”
Nina’s amber eyes fix on mine. There’s something calculating in her gaze, like she’s already three steps ahead in whatever game we’re playing. “You go first,” she says in a tone that makes it clear this isn’t a debate.
Might as well get it over with. So, I take a breath and try to think of something peaceful. A calm lake. A quiet library. Anything that doesn’t involve Logan Ashford on his knees looking up at me with those storm-gray eyes while his tongue?—
“Well, well.” Nina’s lips curve into a knowing smirk. “Someone had an interesting night.”
