“You okay, baby?” Xavi leaned in, his breath warm and soothing against Lulu’s chin. “You wanna go? Just say the word, and we’ll go.” Lulu turned, his eyes meeting Xavi’s, huge and dark, and spilling over with love. At the end of the day, when all this was over, he’d be going home with Xavi. They’d be flying back home to Buffalo, to their apartment. Then Xavi would read to him from his favorite books, while they planned their trip to Madrid. Later, Lulu would drift off to thetap-tap-tapof Xavi’s fingers against the keyboard as he worked on his novel. A novel that he was now going to finish because Lulu had told him to. Because he wanted to read it, justlike he wanted to read the next one and the one after that, too. Because he loved Xavi’s words—in fact, he needed them like they were soul food or the air that Lulu breathed. Xavi’s words, his voice, added color to the world, warmth, hope. Yeah, soon Lulu would be back home again with Xavi, and everything would right itself in Lulu’s world.
“I’m okay,oso.” He wasn’t. He so wasn’t, but Lulu was trying his damn hardest to keep it together. Not for himself but for Manu.
“Okay.”
The room went quiet again, birdsong from the outside wafting through the slightly ajar window, a car alarm going off somewhere in the distance, then shrill laughter from some kids next door. Manu resurfaced from Hattie’s shoulder, smiling teary-eyed at her while they seemed to share a silent conversation. Eventually, Manu nodded slowly, then brushed his fingers along the flowery dress covering Hattie’s stomach.
“We’re having a baby,” Manu said softly, his eyes not leaving Hattie’s. “It’s a girl.”
A gasp tore from Lulu’s lips, then before he knew it, he flew from his seat and rushed to Manu’s side.
“What? What did you say?”
Manu turned, laughing at him, his eyes all watery. “Hattie’s pregnant. You’re gonna be an uncle,hermano.” An uncle. He was going to be a fucking uncle. Probably long-distance, because it was almost certain that Manu and Hattie were moving back to her hometown in the UK. But still, he was going to be a fucking uncle.
“You’re not fucking with me, Manu, are you?”
“Nope. I would never fuck with you about things like that.”
“We wouldn’t,” Hattie giggled, roses blooming across her cheeks.
“And it’s a girl?” Lulu whispered, looking at Hattie’s still flat stomach with awe.
“Yes,” both Manu and Hattie said at the same time, then laughed again, their eyes overflowing with the kind of dopey happiness that was reserved for people in love and expecting parents, too, Lulu assumed.
“I’m gonna be an uncle!” Lulu found Xavi’s eyes across the room. He, too, was smiling broadly, his eyes radiating a mix of emotions. “We’re gonna be guncles.”
Xavi nodded, biting his bottom lip in thought. “I guess we are. Huh, who would’ve thought?”
“Not me. That’s for sure,” Lulu shook his head. “I mean, are you guys even legal?” He winked at Manu, who slapped Lulu’s shoulder fondly.
“Shut up,cabrón.”
“Hey!” Lulu rubbed at his shoulder exaggeratedly. “It’s a legit question. Last time I checked, you were still in diapers.” Manu groaned while Hattieooohedandaaahedat the image of a babyManu in diapers.
Then Xavi’s timbre voice broke through the chatter and banter as he rose and went to stand next to their mother, who was staring out at the backyard, deep in thought.
“Alma, are you okay?” Lulu hadn’t noticed, but at some point, she must’ve gotten up and gone to stand in front of the window facing the square of yellowish grass in the back.
“Sí, sí, I’m fine.” She turned, facing Xavi. “I’m fine, Xavi.”
Carefully wrapping an arm around her shoulders, Xavi smiled at her, his features soft and filled with empathy.
“You’re going to be anabuelita, Alma.”
“I… I don’t…” Their mother stammered, her gaze flickering nervously to Manu and Hattie. “I don’t…”
“You are, Alma,” Hattie spoke with conviction as she got up from the armrest, pulling Manu with her. “You’re going to be a grandmother. In five months.” Hattie’s cheeks glowed, her eyes spilling over with fondness, and suddenly their mother started crying quietly, tears trailing down her wrinkled, gaunt cheeks. Xavi tightened his grip on her bony shoulders, shaking her carefully. “Wow, you hear that? Five months?Coño.”
And suddenly it was all too much. The four of them, standing there like a family. Something snapped inside Lulu, and suddenly there was no air left in his lungs. His heart clenched and clenched, struggling in his chest to pump more blood through his body, but there was no air. No fucking air.
Stumbling from his seat, he stormed through the living room and down the hallway, slamming the front door wide open when he reached it. Running down the steps to the porch, his feet almost slipped on the last step. Gravel crunched under his sneakers as he strode across the driveway toward a lonely swing hanging from a honey mesquite. He heard heavy footsteps on the gravel behind him, then within seconds strong arms wrapped around him from behind, Xavi’s familiar scent and feel engulfing him. Lulu instinctively struggled in Xavi’s arms, the touch that he loved more than anything suddenly unbearable.
“Let me go!” he seethed through clenched teeth.
“No,” Xavi’s chest rumbled against Lulu’s back.
“Let me fucking go,mano.” Lulu reached for the swing, clinging to it like it were the last straw in a world a storm had left devastated and unrecognizable.
