“There’s no need,” Lulu whispered, brushing his fingers along Xavi’s shoulder, keeping them resting around his neck. He knew which night Xavi was referring to, of course he did. Bile rose in Lulu’s throat at the memory of what had happened. How his last conscious thought, before everything went dark, had been that he’d never get to tell Xavi that he loved him.
“There is. I think I’ve… I think I’ve felt guilty all these years.”
Lulu’s chest tightened, his heart squeezing at Xavi’s admission. He’d had no idea Xavi felt that way, and that it had weighed down on him for so long.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“Perhaps not, but I feel guilty all the same.”
“I’m okay. It took a while, I’m not gonna lie. That night left its mark on me, but I’m okay now. It’s in the past. There’s no need to dwell on it. If there’s anyone to blame, it’s my asshole father, but he ain’t exactly here anymore.” He brushed his thumb up and down Xavi’s neck soothingly. “I’ve never once blamed you,oso. Please know that.”
Xavi blinked, his eyes wet like liquid ink.
“I was so scared that first week in the hospital. Scared that I’d never get you back, that I’d lost you for good. I cursed myself for getting angry with you for something that was not your fault. Something that was my issue and my issue alone.”
“What?”
“That I was so fucking gone for you and seeing you with other guys drove me mad,” Xavi gritted.
“I only ever wanted your attention,oso. None of them mattered, only you.” It was true. All the flirting, all the teasing, all the other men. It had all been to get a reaction out of Xavi.
“I wish I’d known that. I wish I’d been able to see that, to see past my own issues. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Everything’s okay now.”
“So you forgive me? For that night?” Hope shone in Xavi’s eyes, vulnerability, too, and Lulu’s heart expanded even more, making even more room for Xavi inside.
“There’s nothing to forgive.”
“But maybe I still need it,cisne.”
Leaning in, Lulu smiled against Xavi’s lips, then kissed him softly in a barely there kiss. “Forgiven,oso. Forever and always.”
“Yeah?” Xavi croaked, his lips vibrating against Lulu’s.
“Yes. No doubt in my heart. Never.” The words had barely left his lips before Xavi slammed his mouth against Lulu’s. There was such force in the kiss, such pent-up relief and gratitude, that it brought tears to Lulu’s eyes. He’d never known Xavi had carried that night around with him all those years. If he’d known, Lulu would’ve talked to him about it sooner, but he’d made a conscious choice long ago to bury that night deep in the past with the rest of the pain he’d suffered at the hands of his father.
Pulling away for air, Xavi smiled with such happiness, it left Lulu speechless. He was so stunning, hisoso, when he let go and allowed himself to be vulnerable. Tugging Lulu against his chest, Xavi dove under the covers, pulling Lulu with him, shutting out the world. They cuddled up against each other like innocent children during a sleepover, sheltered from the outside world and all thewhat-ifs, until need once again resurfaced, sparked by one particularly hungry look or a lingering touch. Until need once again took hold of them and they dove for each other in a kiss that soon escalated, making them tear, claw at each other’s bodies with rekindled passion. It was like an addiction, almost, how much they craved the closeness now that it was no longer forbidden. Their chemistry was unreal, like an out-of-control wildfire, the scalding heat between them leaving Lulu feeling flushed and nauseous, like a fever had taken hold of his body, or temporary madness even.
And like Xavi had read his mind again, he grit against Lulu’s neck, nearly tattooing the words into his skin, into his soul, “I’m fucking crazy about you,cisne. It’s like madness, beyond my control.”
As noon blended into early afternoon, they were both famished, with dark circles under their eyes, their bodies raw and prickly, oversensitive from endless touching, kissing, and lovemaking. Their stomachs and chests were crusty with dried cum, the sheets ruffled and stained with the proof of how much they wanted each other, how they just couldn’t get enough. Lulu could no longer distinguish hisown scent from Xavi’s, both heady and musky, hanging so potently in the air in the small room. They would have to air out the room for hours before they left, before they let anyone else into this den of pent-up desire and debauchery.
“I’m starved,” Xavi finally yawned, his chin resting against Lulu’s thigh, his breath hot against Lulu’s skin.
“You just had me,” Lulu sighed.
“I meant actually starved. For food.”
“It’s your own fault.” Lulu stretched his arms above his head, squirming contentedly as he glimpsed his chest, littered with bites and hickeys and delicious scratches from Xavi’s day-old scruff. “You didn’t have to keep me as your love slave all day.”
“Love slave, my ass,” Xavi grunted, then his stomach growled with hunger, the sound setting Lulu’s off, too.
“I don’t mind being your love slave, you know. Just as long as you feed me once in a while.” Lulu waggled his eyebrows, and Xavi groaned. “Can’t live on cum alone, as delicious as it is.”
“You’re impossible,” Xavi snorted, but failed miserably to hide how he was bursting with pride, the thought of Lulu living on his cum alone apparently unlocking an unknown kink.
“Pfft, you love me,” Lulu pushed at Xavi’s shoulder. It was funny saying it now as a joke when it had become so much more.
