‘And what does a complete service check include?’Lulu had batted his thick eyelashes flirtatiously, because he was Lulu and he couldn’t help himself. And the stoic giant, Colton, had blushed adorably before he’d carefully and politely started to list all the elements of a service check on his rough, oil-stained fingers. Xavi had sent Lulu a warning glare, but the heat in Lulu’s almond eyes had made him relax, because Xavi knew by now that heat was reserved just for him.
It soon became clear that Henry and Colton were the gay couple Tilly had referred to, and it warmed Xavi’s heart to see how naturally they acted in public, surrounded by locals, who were all church-going people, as Tilly had put it. No one seemed to care if the men were gay, or at least they kept it to themselves if they did.
Eventually, Hank cleared his throat and turned toward Xavi. “So, where are you folks headed anyway?”
“OhEmGee, did you hear that?” Lulu squealed, nearly blowing Xavi’s eardrums. “He called usfolks, hermano.”
“I heard. Portland. We’re headed for Portland. And yes, before you ask,”—Xavi held up his hand—“that’s one hell of a wrong turn.”
“Portland, Oregon?” Finn looked up from his breakfast.
“Sí, hombre,” Lulu blurted excitedly, bouncing in his seat, and just when Xavi was hoping Lulu would stop at thehombre, he continued, “I’m doing a Christmas cabaret. In Portland. I’m anactor.” Xavi sighed at the air of faux drama with which Lulu had spoken‘actor,’ but Tilly looked enraptured, her eyes just about to boggle out of their eye sockets. Then, to make things even more awkward, Lulu leaned against Xavi, squeezing his biceps, while he sighed dreamily. “Xavi is my bodyguard.”
“I amnotyour bodyguard.”
“’Course you are,muchacho,” Lulu continued unfazed, and when Xavi opened his eyes again, he found Tilly staring at them like they were Whitney Houston and Kevin Fucking Costner. “He is sooo my bodyguard.”
“A Christmas cabaret?” Tilly positively beamed as she clasped her hands in front of her. “My, that’s so very exciting.” And then, just when Xavi thought things couldn’t get any worse, the obliviously sweet diner owner asked the million-dollar question. “What’s it about?”
“Oh, sweet Jesus,” Xavi groaned, then buried his face in his hands. He felt Lulu vibrating next to him like an overeager teenager on a first date.
Nearly shooting from his seat, Lulu started, his voice dripping with enthusiasm, “Well, it’s at the Pea Cock Theatre! In Portland.” And Lulu, of course, had to go and add jazz hands as if the good folk of Hayley’s Peak were supposed to know the place. “Do you know the place? It’s a queer theater. One of the most renowned in the US. And my agent, Lenny, found this part for me, and it was just in time because I needed to get the fuck out of B-town, if you know what I mean?”
At this point, there was no stopping Lulu. He was on a roll, the sugar from the pancakes only adding more fuel to the fire. One could only stand by and watch as Lulu gave the good people of Hayley’s Peak something to talk about for the next decade or two.The day the city queers came to town.It was like watching a traffic accident happen. You wanted to stop it, but you knew you couldn’t, so you just stood there, frozen, and let it unfold. Five stunned faces, with mouths slightly agape, stared at Lulu, and Xavi was pretty sure that Tilly and Co. had no idea what Lulu was talking about, but they were fascinated nonetheless.
“Ol’ Madam Lulu here got herself a stalker,” Lulu droned on. “And, no, not the hot, brooding type who wants to kidnap you and secretly turn you into his house pet or sex slave—or both—but more of theI-live-in-my-parents’-basement-and-have-plans-to-overthrow-the-government-and-start-my-own-tribekinda stalker.” Oh, dear god in heaven, Xavi thought to himself. If there ever was a good time for a meteor to collide with Earth, it would be right the fuck now. Likenow-now! And just when there was a pause in Lulu’s spew of word vomit, and Xavi dared to hope that the conversation couldtake a turn to more mundane topics, Finn had to go and remind Lulu that he hadn’t answered Tilly’s question. “So what’s it about?”
Don’t you fucking dare tell them what the motherfucking play is about,mano,Xavi tried to signal with his eyes, his mouth, and every fiber of his being, but Lulu was like an arrow, right on target.
“It’s calledDickie and his Magic Peen, a Kinky Christmas Cabaret in Sex Acts.”Lulu glowed, his almond eyes sparkling. He had his audience transfixed, eating out of the palm of his hand, and when Tilly asked about the magic peen, his voice reached the level oftoo fucking loud,mano, “Yes! I’m the peen. When you rub me, the magic happens.” He batted his long eyelashes suggestively for effect.
“Coño,” Xavi sighed. This couldn’t be happening. He had to get Lulu the fuck out of here.
“Que?” Lulu frowned at him. “It’s true. You of all people should know it’s true,mano.”
“Now, that just sounds wonderful!” Tilly exclaimed, and then, luckily, Hank mentioned the weather, repeating that they couldn’t go today, although the older guy looked like hereallywanted them to go right this fucking second. And Xavi couldn’t fucking blame him. City Lulu was one thing, but City Lulu in small-town USA was just a whole other level of a shitshow. The worst part was that Xavi was getting hard. The more Lulu spoke, the more he wanted to shut him up. With his cock. Just shut him up, good and hard, and drown his bratty mouth in his cum, until Lulu choked or forgot his own name or both.
Through a haze of lust, Xavi felt detached from his own body as conversation continued around him about the blizzard, the miserable choice of undertaking a cross-country trip in a FIAT 500, and why they weren’t flying instead. Xavi caught individual words here and there, but was too caught up in watching the way Lulu’s lips moved when he spoke and how his long neck did that seductive sway whenever he swallowed.
“Finn here is from Oregon, aren’t you, hon?” Tilly eventually asked.
“Yeah. Florence. By the coast.”
“I thought Florence was in France.” Lulu looked puzzled, chewing on a piece of bacon.
“Italy.” Xavi finally managed to find his tongue. “But no, different continent.”
“Oh. Bummer. Always wanted to go to France. Italy, too.”
“Maybe we can go one day.” The words left Xavi’s mouth before he could even think of the implications of traveling to Europe with Lulu, spending weeks, and not days, together. Xavi realized, though, that he wanted to go everywhere with Lulu. Not just Spain, which was now at the top of Xavi’s non-existent bucket list courtesy of Lulu, but everywhere. He realized he wanted to experience everything with themess of a man next to him, because when you’d been walking a tightrope since the age of six, messy was just so fucking alluring. Addictive, really.
“Yeah?” Lulu regarded him, a surprised softness in his eyes, and it was like they were the only two people left in the diner, everything else fading into the background, when Lulu looked at him like that. “You’d do that? But you’d have to fly?” Lulu bit his bottom lip contemplatively, but the answer fell from Xavi’s lips like the most natural thing in the world.
“For you. For you, anything.”
“Awww, youdolove me,hermano.”
He did. Of course, he did. When hadn’t he? Whenwouldn’t he? He would always love Lulu, but he couldn’t say that, not even if they’d been the only two people left on Earth. So instead, he just grunted, “Don’t push it,” but Lulu continued to beam at him.
