“But you don’t fly,” Lulu countered, his voice low.
“I know. But I could.” Xavi realized the truth of his words. Sure, he was scared shitless of flying, but if it came down to it, he’d face his fears if it meant Lulu not having to face his. He’d face anything for Lulu.
“You could?”
“Yeah.”
Something flashed through Lulu’s eyes then, a tender warmth and something else Xavi couldn’t quite decipher. “You are a ridiculous man, Xavi Bernal, but I love you for it.” Lulu’s lips pursed into a smile that nearly incinerated Xavi’s heart as the blush increased in Lulu’s cheeks.
I love you for it.The words washed over Xavi like an all-consuming wave.For it. He wished the words didn’t exist in the English vocabulary.I love you.He knew Lulu loved him as a friend, but he wanted so much more. He wanted everything. But he knew it was an illusion and that there could never be more. And that this trip was something he had to get through so he could start working on getting over Lulu. As impossible as that seemed, there had to be a way. Joe was right. They couldn’t go on like this. It would end up tearing them apart.
“Maybe.” Xavi shrugged. “Maybe I am, but I mean it. It’s up to you.”
Lulu nodded, then determination grew in his eyes. “We can drive.”
“You sure?”
“Absolutely. I trust you.”
“Okay then.” Xavi smiled, holding out his hand toward Tallulah. “Keys, please.”
By some divine intervention, they’d managed to rearrange some of Lulu’s stuff into two suitcases and stuff them into the trunk of the FIAT 500. They were both sweaty, panting, as they pulled out of the parking lot, waving Tallulah off, Lulu screaming, “Bye bitches!” out the open window, now that his mood had improved.
Xavi laughed, squeezing his hands tighter around the steering wheel. Lulu was back to his old self, bouncing up and down in his seat, excited about the trip now. Xavi was too. Well, equal parts excited and anxious. Excited about seeing parts of the country he hadn’t seen before and witnessing his best friend getting hitched to the love of his life. Anxious, because the next five days would be spent up close and personal with the one person Xavi desired more than anything in this world. Hejust had to keep his eyes firmly fixed on the end goal. Saving their friendship from the disaster that his unrequited crush on Lulu would eventually bring on.
“You wanna listen to the radio?” Lulu smiled as he started fidgeting with the car stereo. At least it was updated, and you could connect yourSpotifyto the Bluetooth if you wanted to. The car apparently belonged to Tallulah’s brother-in-law, who wasn’t using it. Xavi wondered why.
“Sure, but not that clubbing crap of yours, please. It’s still early.” It was only 7 a.m. They’d wanted to get an early start in order to reach Fort Wayne by dinnertime.
“Hey, whaddaya take me for?” Lulu winked. “I’ve got you covered, baby.” He blew Xavi a teasing air kiss that Xavi pretended to dodge. “Gotcha!” Lulu giggled, then started looking for a station on the radio. Something sounding like the weather report blared from the speakers, then the monotone, droning voice ofEl Presidente.
“Ugh,” Lulu groaned, his nose scrunching up in disgust. Yeah, the guy was not popular in the Latin-American community since he’d started his full-frontal attack on immigrants under the disguise of ‘MakingAmerica Terrific Again.’ Terrific my ass, Xavi thought to himself, the usual anger pulsing in his veins. Goddamn immigrants made this country. Hard-working people like his parents and the other families in his neighborhood. He bet that douche wannabe president wouldn’t know physical labor even if it hit him in the head. Besides, when had America ever truly been great unless you belonged to that one overly privileged, undertaxed percent?
‘Dear Mr. Japan…’the voice drifted from the speakers.
“Mr. Japan?” Lulu snorted. “Seriously, is this guy for real?”
“I’m afraid so,” Xavi sighed, focusing on the traffic.
“Does that mean he’s done with us and going after Japan now?”
“Probably not. Just another deflection while he robs the American people, stuffing his and his accomplices’ pockets with our hard-earned tax money.”
Lulu nodded, then licked his lips, like he couldn’t decide what he wanted to say.
“What?” Xavi eyed him quickly, then focused back on the other cars.
“It’s like, I don’t get it,” Lulu said. “Sure, my old man was a low-life, as bad as they come. Real piece of scum. But that had nothing to do with the fact that he was the son of an immigrant, that he was Cuban. Myabuelitoswere decent people just looking for a better life, you know? God knows why my dad turned out the way he did.” A nerve started ticking underneath Lulu’s eye as his lips folded into a grim line, distorting his beautiful features. “He didn’t beat his wife or his kids because he was Cuban. He beat us because he was a junkie and an asshole.”
“I know.” Xavi swallowed. Fuck, he was glad Lulu’s father wasn’t around anymore. The world was a better place without people like him. Abusers. Haters.
“I mean, some white people abuse their kids, too. Not because they’re white, but because they’re fucking abusive assholes. It has nothing to do with color, ethnicity,or nationality. It’s…” Lulu hesitated, brushing his fingers through his long bangs. “I don’t know why my dad was the way he was. Maybe he was born that way, or maybe it was the drugs. Maybe it’s just one of those things, who fucking knows. But it sure as shit wasn’t because he was an immigrant or Cuban.” Lulu paused, turning his head to face Xavi, and he felt Lulu’s eyes boring into him, his skin tickling. “You’re Cuban, and you’re the best person I know,oso. My favorite person.”You’re my favorite person, too,cisne. I just wish you weremyperson, too.
“Shut the fucker up,” Xavi rasped, nodding at the radio, swallowing back the urge to say more, to spill everything. Instead, he nodded at his phone. “Put on some Cuban stuff instead.”
“You’ve got it,hermano,” Lulu grinned, turning the radio off, and Xavi wished it was only that easy in real life, too, just shutting that hateful demagog down before he ruined this country,Xavi’scountry, for good. “I’ll find you some sexy-ass music,oso. Some realfuck my earsmúsica.”
The car swerved in the lane, thefuck my earsringing through Xavi’s head. He realized then that it was going to be a long-ass trip with Lulu by his side. It might as well be five years instead of five days.Eyes on the end goal, Xavi reminded himself as he focused on driving.Eyes on the end goal.
