Mom is right there with me, wrapping my body in a tight embrace. “Of course, he does. He loves you. And you love him.”
I shake my head, but it feels like my entire body is shaking or breaking; I can’t tell which. “I can’t. It hurts too much. What if I lose him?”
Mom strokes my back, and we sit like that for a while in the quiet, with only the odd bird singing outside. Morning light dances across the floor, and warm rays of sunshine hit my lower back.
“You’ll be okay. Even if you lose him, you’ll be okay, sweetie,” Mom says finally. “You’re the strongest person I know.” She sits up and pulls me with her, clasping my face in her hands. “But you won’t lose him. Not today. He’s waiting for you. I bet he won’t rest until you’re there with him and he can see with his own eyes that you’re okay, too. Knowing Dennis, he’s just as worried about you as you are about him.” She hesitates, her eyes searching my face, a few tears still clinging to her lashes. “That boy loves you, body and soul. He always has, I think. You deserve that, Michael. More than anyone.”
“I’m afraid,” I finally admit.
“I know you are. Good things are frightening, but you deserve them. You deserve everything good in this world. You deserve to love someone and be loved back in return without being afraid.”
“I can’t go through it again. I won’t come back from it if I lose Dennis. It’s easier to just not fall in love.”
“But you already have. You already love him.” I know she’s right. Ihavefallen for Dennis, and even though it hurts so much right now, I wouldn’t change it. These past few weeks with him, even if I could, I wouldn’t change a thing. I just don’t know how to move forward from this.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let go of the fear of losing him. The fear of not being able to keep him. He’s my… He’s the only one who gets me, Mom.” I wince, but she just smiles. “Sorry, aside from you. I think… I think he’s my person.”
“I think he is, too.”
“It’s so hard, though. I didn’t think it would be this hard.”
“It’s only love, Michael. Nothing more, nothing less. It’s frightening as hell, but when you find someone like Dennis or your dad, it’s worth it. Itwillbe worth it, trust me.”
I nod, the tightness in my chest easing, giving way to another feeling. Relief. Hope, too. Mom’s words move through me, their truth settling inside me.It’s only love.“Heisworth it. Dennis is worth it.”
“He is. And so are you.”
When we get up from the floor, Mom heads toward the coffeemaker. I walk over to grab a paper towel to wipe my face and blow my nose. My entire body is sore, and I feel like I’ve run a marathon uphill. After I wash my hands, I go to the fridge to pull out the milk and butter, and then I pull the bread from the paper bag. I grab a board and a knife and start slicing the bread.
“Is there any strawberry jam left?”
“There is. Check the fridge.” She pours coffee into the machine, then adds water. I pause in front of the fridge, my hand hovering in front of me.
“You saidhell, Mom,” I chuckle.
“I know I did, but you’ll take that to your grave, Michael Tanner, you hear me?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I’ll make your coffee to go.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“You’re welcome, sweetie.”
Chapter 28
Dennis
“Ifyou’regoingtobe on your feet for prolonged periods, please use your crutches. And keep the compression sock wrapped around your ankle during the day, but don’t sleep with it on so your skin can breathe,” Sally, the nurse who’s been taking care of me since last night, says.
“Yes, ma’am.”
She rolls her deep brown eyes and smiles crookedly as she tucks her long, black bangs behind her ear. “Please, hun, I’m notthatold. Barely forty yet. Don’t ever call me ma’am again.”
I give her a salute. “Aye, aye, Captain.”
“Dennis, you’re trouble with a capital T.”
