“I would love nothing more than for you to kiss me, Mike.”
His eyes finally reach mine, regret and confusion pooling in them. “Then why…”
“Because I’m… not okay. I haven’t been since the end of college.”
My eyes water, and it’s my turn to glance away. I’m not only upset by what happened to me, but at this lost opportunity I would’ve snatched up any other time before this.
“Your breakup?”
“God, I wish it were only a breakup. It would’ve been far easier than this.”
I rest my hands on the edge of the tub, my fingers curling over the porcelain, my feet and legs still wet. He turns to match my position. “What do you mean?”
“I’m slowly healing, but…” I sigh loudly. A tear slides down my face as I recall all the hurt I’ve been trying to push out of my brain, distracting myself with friends and family. But I haven’t reallydealtwith it, have I? Not really. I haven’t even talked to anyone about it. Until now… I guess it’s time.
“Jesus, Den. What’s wrong?” he rasps.
“I dated Geoff for eight months. I thought I had finally found someone to be with who liked me for me. Who… loved me.Psh. What a joke. He didn’t love me. Not really. You don’t cheat on people you love. I told him that, and he just threw it back in my face, saying it happens all the time.”
“Shit, Den. He cheated on you? What an asshole. You’re like the best person I know. What an idiot.”
“He was my first real boyfriend. God, there’s nothing like seeing your boyfriend fuck another man right before your eyes.” A low, rumbling growl comes from deep within Mike’s chest, and I feel his body tense next to mine. “It does something to your soul, you know? It more than crushes you. The betrayal is so… it spreads through your soul like a virus. And he was my… first, so it doubly hurt. It ruined all the other happy memories. No, it nuked them.” I sniff and pinch my eyes, willing them to stop leaking because Geoff isn’t worth it, dammit. “No, breaking up with me would’ve been far kinder.” I don’t want to tell Mike how Geoff blamed me for my feelings for my best friend. What purpose will it serve? No, he should know all of it.
Mike’s sitting so close to me, our shoulders are touching. It’s reassuring and comforting.
“It wasn’t only his cheating, but he wasn’t even apologetic about it. God, he had me doubting everything about myself. Blaming myself.”
“That asshole blamed you?” he hisses, anger pouring off his body.
“Yeah. And he’s kind of right.”
He puts a strong, comforting hand on my back, and I instinctively lean into his touch. “Bullshit. There’s nothing that justifies his cheating on you. He’s making up excuses to assuage his guilt. None of it’s your fault, Den.”
“Maybe. It doesn’t matter. Looking back on it, I started seeing all the signs I’d missed. The Fireballs… He made fun of me for liking them. Called me a kid.”
“Jesus, that’s why you didn’t touch the candy when I brought it to you.”
I shake my head, feeling like I’m overreacting to everything, that I should just move on, but I can’t seem to let it go.
He rubs soothing circles into my back, and I feel my body relaxing under his touch, allowing myself to be vulnerable. It feels too good to be held like this, to be touched by him this way.
I glance at him, watching me so intently and with worry, already forgetting about my rejection because he cares that fucking much. “He wasn’t even the worst of it, Mike… One of my professors…”
He freezes, his fingers stilling on my back. “What do you mean?”
When I hesitate, he growls at me again. “What. Do. You. Mean?”
Chapter 15
Mike
Dennisdigshisfrontteeth into his bottom lip, and I think the anger in my voice equally surprises us both. Then again, I’ve been on edge since I tried to call him, and he didn’t pick up. All sorts of wild and terrible images went on repeat in my head. Dennis lying injured or worse on the beach after a fatal fall from the cliffs. Dennis bleeding from a head wound, calling out for me, with no way for me to reach him. I know he was kidding about the bears, but he wasn’t that far from the truth. By the time I arrived at the picnic area and he wasn’t there, I was close to panicking, ready to tear down the entire forest to get to him. I hadn’t felt that sense of loss and desperation since I lost Dad.
Then came the sensation of my heart trying to break free from my chest, at the utter relief of seeing him appear with that kid. Bruised and battered, yes, but alive. It was like my world shifted back into place at the sight of him.
On its own, my hand trails up his back to his shoulders and further up his neck until it comes to a rest against his cheeks, cradling his face. He’s shivering under my touch, a world of agony lingering in his eyes.
“Tell me,” I say quietly as I try to keep my feelings in check. The last thing he needs right now is for me to lose my cool. I brush my thumb along his cheekbone, and his eyelids flutter closed briefly as he sucks in a deep breath. When he opens his eyes again, there’s a newfound determination in them.
