He sighs deeply, and when Willow returns with the ball, I keep him tucked against my side, my arm wrapped around his shoulders as I throw the ball with my other hand, again and again. He smiles and pets her, rewarding her with a “good girl” every time she returns. He seems less guarded after he admitted to me he’s not okay. After he allowed me to be here for him.
Eventually, Willow has had enough, and she collapses on the grass at our feet, her tongue lolling out, panting. We sit down next to her, facing the ocean, the grass still slightly damp from the earlier rain. Dennis doesn’t pull away or leave my side. Our shoulders brush up against eachother, our knees knocking together from time to time. The sky changes before our eyes, the blue giving way to oranges and pinks, then later, a beautiful red as the ocean slowly swallows the sun.
“Breathtaking,” Dennis murmurs, his eyes bright and wide as he takes in nature’s spectacular show in front of us. It’s better than any movie. “Isn’t it stunning, Mike?”
“Yes.” I swallow, looking straight at him. “Stunning.”I’m so fucked.
“We have to go back soon.” I notice the edge of regret in his voice.
“We can stay a little longer,” I say, trailing my fingers through Willow’s soft fur.
“I don’t have my phone. I… I just left without telling anyone.”
I grin at him and ruffle his hair. “You’re good. I’ll have you back before your curfew, squirt.”
He turns, laughing at me, his eyes shining with that spark I’ve become so addicted to over the years finally back.
“Are you ever gonna quit calling me that?” He digs his front teeth into his bottom lip.
I tip my chin forward. “Never.”
“Not even when I’m ninety?”
I smile. “Especially not then.”
“You’re lucky I like you so much, Mike. Otherwise, I’d kick your ass.” He sighs, pulling his knees against his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs. His gaze is back on the ocean, and the sky is now a deep indigo.
I like you so much, too, Den,my heart echoes.More than I should, probably.
Chapter 10
Dennis
Istandinfrontof the mirror in my bedroom, adjusting the collar of the red polo shirt with “Cannon Beach Explorers Day Camp” embroidered on it. Then I tuck the hem into the waistband of my khaki cargo pants.
My coffee is sitting in front of me on the dresser, and I take a sip of the warm brew.
I’m nervous and excited at the same time. This day camp is my first ‘grown up’ job, and it’ll give me some amazing experience as an environmental educator. But I also want to make a good impression and keep the tourists interested and engaged while protecting the environment.
God, it’s nice not to have to think about any shit other than the job. It’ll be a great distraction because, between graduation and today, I haven’t been able to get out of my fucking head. Geoff and Professor Mitchell really did a number on me mentally. One made me feel unloved, and the other grossed me out. Geoff rejected me. Mike rejected me. I feel unwanted. What makes it all worse is that it killed my libido.
Then there was the other day when Mike found me at Ecola. Maybe he rejected me romantically, but he never turned his back on me. He’ll always be my best friend. That was the best and most painful day since graduation. I sat there for who knows how long, lost in memories, trying to figure out where I had gone wrong and how I was going to move forward. People go through this all the time, right? How do they get past this shit?
Mike knew exactly where I was. He knows everything about me. Well, almost. He held me in his silent strength as I cried like a baby. I wanted to tell him everything, but shame held me back. It’s not just the shame of what happened, but my pathetic coping skills. Then we sat quietly, watching the sunset. For a moment, I felt almost normal again… until reality set in when I got home that night.
Trust. That’s the keyword that keeps floating in my head.
Trust will be the hardest to get back if I ever bother dating again. I’m always going to wonder if the next guy I date will cheat on me, too. I’m afraid I’ll scrutinize his every word and movement to make sure I don’t miss the signs. It’s not only distrust of any future partner but also constantly second-guessing myself.
Yep, it’s best that I don’t date again. Not for a long time.
It’s another good reason to be back in my small hometown, working—no new people to potentially date. Then again, there are always tourists. They come and go. Perfect for a random hookup if the urge ever strikes again.
Yeah, right. Who am I kidding? That’s not what I want either. It works for Wes, but not so much for me. Call me old-fashioned, but I like being in a relationship. Or I used to. Not that I can even get it up lately.
Shut up! Get the fuck out of your head.
My phone buzzes with a text, and I lift it from where it rests face down on my dresser and look at the screen. A smile tugs at the corner of my mouth unhindered. A real one.
