“I don’t know, Mom. I just feel a little lost, to be honest. I really like him, you know?” Fucking understatement of the century. He sucked in a deep breath before continuing. “Probably more than I’ve ever liked anyone like that. I mean, romantically.” He felt his mother nod, but she didn’t offer him any words of solace, and he was grateful for that. He was barely holding it together as it was. Cara’s eyes were wet now too, her knitwork long forgotten as she swept her fingers through Harry’s hair. “To be honest, if he wanted me, I think I’d want to go back, you know. To Nebraska.And be with him.” Something sounding like a small sob slipped from his lips, pulling the words with it. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I would.” His mother nudged him gently away from her, placing her cool hands carefully on his moist cheeks.
“Honey, I think that’s wonderful. If you want to be with Hank in Nebraska, then that’s what you should do. I’d rather have you here, with me, obviously, but that’ll just give your dad and me an excuse to get out more. Get that old VW back on the country roads again.” A small chuckle escaped him at the memory of the burnt orange ’70s model van that his parents just didn’t seem to be able to part with. He searched his mom’s face, but there was nothing but genuine support written across it, an encouraging smile on her lips.
“I don’t even know if he’ll want me to come back. He never said.”
“Of course, he’ll want you,” Cara countered. “Who in their right mind wouldn’t want you, Finn? Look at you. You’re a catch.”
“You’re supposed to say that.” He smiled weakly, his chest expanding at the display of unconditional love and acceptance that these two women, who were so similar, were offering him.
“Oh, brother, I’m not supposed to sayanything.” Cara winked, sticking out her tongue at him.
“And from what you told us last night, it sounds like the two of you formed a special kind of bond while you were there,” his mother contributed, brushing her thumbs across his skin.
“We did. At least, I think we did,” he mumbled, nibbling at his bottom lip. They had, hadn’t they? It wasn’t just something imagined on his part. It had been the same for Hank, hadn’t it? He must’ve felt it too, the universe whisperingthis is real. As real as it’ll ever be. “I don’t think I’ve ever connected with anyone like that before.”
“See?” She released one hand from his cheek and placed it on his shoulder instead, squeezing it. Then she brushed her thumb underneath his glasses, swiping at the tears beneath his eyes. “I’m sure he must’ve felt it too, then. Just give it some time, honey.” Leaning in, she pressed a kiss against his forehead, the familiar scent of her green tea moisturizer enveloping him.
“I just… I thought I’d miss him less once I came back home to you guys.” His gaze found Cara’s, and he shrugged apologetically. She just shrugged in return, offering him an understanding smile. “But I don’t. It just gets worse. And then I feel bad because Iamhappy to be back. Ididmiss you. All of you. So very much. Not being able to see or talk to you for the past eight years… it was like living life in black and white. Just… a mere reflection of real life. And moping around like this just seems ungrateful. And immature.”
“But, my sweet boy, that’s not how the human heart works, is it? You can still be happy about one thing and then long for something else. It’s not mutually exclusive. I know some people prefer the world to be simple and straightforward, with everything labeled and put neatly in its place. If you ask me, that’s a cop out. Those people are ruled by fear.”
“What do you mean?” he murmured.
“Finn, your whole life has been filled withought tosandshould’ves, but what about you, sweet boy? Where areyouin all of this? You know, your father and I only ever wanted for you and Cara to be happy and have a home when you needed it.” His mom wiped at her eyes; a smudge of mascara smeared across the tip of her index finger. “God, look at the pair of us. I should’ve worn waterproof.” Then she laughed. “Should’ve.”
The door to the front deck swung open, and a rush of icy wind entered the den, causing the subtle flames in the fireplace to flicker restlessly. His father stood rosy-cheeked and red-nosed in the door, his worn green trapper hat sitting askew on hishead. As long as Finn could remember, his father had worn that hat, much to his mother’s eternal regret.‘Just because you’re a socialist, Ellis, doesn’t mean you have to look like a bolshevist.’‘What, you don’t want to be my Lara?’ he would say in a thick Russian accent that would often make Finn question if his dad wasn’t really a Russian spy. His mother would squirm in his arms as he rubbed his beard against her neck, panting between laughs. ‘Well, you’re hardly any Omar Shariff, Ellis.’
“Anna, my love, are you sure you wantallthe Christmas lights up? Because it seems there are a lot more than last year.” His father shifted on his feet, rubbing his hands together, his gaze flickering between his wife and son, their eyes red-rimmed and wet.
“Yes, Ellis darling.Allof them.” His mother sobered, smiling endearingly, but the semi-evil glimmer in her eyes wasn’t lost on Finn. “Is that a problem?” she tilted her head at her husband, her voice calm as always.
“Of course not, my love. Just checking,” he rushed out, then he shrugged, turning as he closed the door behind him carefully.
“Ha!” his mom exclaimed, slamming a hand against the coffee table, causing Fenn’s mug with leftover cocoa to nearly tumble over. “No way that bit—” She seemed to recall that her grandson was in the room just then, although Finn suspected aSikorsky Super Stallioncould land out on the lawn right now and his nephew wouldn’t notice. Some rodent was singing in a shrill voice right now to Cinderella on the TV, and it was apparently rocking Fenn’s world. “I mean,” his mom corrected. “No way that Darlene Knowles is going to be featured on the front of theFlorentineagain this year with the most festive holiday home. Over my dead body.” Finn let out a laugh that sounded ominously like the annoying manic rodent on the screen as his mom transformed from Mrs. Santa to that lady fromMiseryright in front of him. “I didnotclean out the Walmart in CoosBayandthe one in Newport for Christmas lights just to get my honorable mentions on page nine again, thank you very much!”
“Coos Bay, huh?” Finn nodded, adding a whistle too.
“Yes, hon, they opened a Supercenter only last spring.” She smiled, an aura of supervillain extraordinaire lingering around her.
“Wow, Mom,” Cara chimed in. “Didn’t take you for a Christmas pro. I’m impressed.”
“I’m really not,” she waved her off. “I just hate that stupid, self-entitled co—”
“Jesus, Mom!” Cara hissed. “Will you turn it down a notch? Little ears and all.” She nodded at Fenn. A loud snore sounded from Harry, who must’ve given up on the lot of them, deciding to catch up on some sleep.
“Oh, I’m sorry, hon. It’s just… that woman… she gets me all…” His mom’s eyes sparked, and it wouldn’t surprise him if, any minute now, she would grow fangs too and start breathing fire. The door to the deck blew open again, and before his dad even set one foot inside, his mother’s viper eyes zeroed in on him as she jumped from the floor. “You can’t possibly be done already, Ellis Kennedy.” She smoothened out some invisible creases in her skirt as she crossed the room toward him.
“Of course not, my love. Just popping in for an…” His gaze coasted frantically across the room before it finally settled on a flashlight on a cabinet to his right. “A erm…” He blinked a couple of times, picking up the flashlight, and Finn felt genuinely bad for the guy.
“Mom, why don’t you read a chapter or two in your book? And Harry,” Cara shook her husband a couple of times, “can help Dad find whatever he’s looking for.” Harry stirred on the couch as he sat up, red hair all over the place, rubbing his eyes.
“Did he score?” He yawned, looking around the room.
“What?” Cara smiled sympathetically.
“Vinicius. Did he score?” Harry looked like all his future happiness depended on the answer to that one question, and Finn couldn’t help but wonder who that powerful creature with such an exotic name was.Vinicius.Instead of going into a long explanation, his sister seemed to make a quick internal cost-benefit analysis that would make Microsoft green with envy, before she replied reassuringly, “Yes, honey. He scored on a penalty.”
“Oh, thank God.” Harry deflated, a goofy smile taking over his freckled face. Finn looked at his sister, but she just shook her head.
