“No,” the answer came softly. “Are you?” He sensed the smile in Colton’s voice and couldn’t help grinning.
“No. Dork.” He realized what Colton was trying to do and he wanted to go along with it. He knew that he had to confront Colton soon about getting some help but decided to leave it for now.
“A dork, huh?” Colton lifted his head from the pillow and looked down at him, sleep marks covering the left side of his face.
“Yes. A hot dork, but a dork nonetheless.” Henry slowly lifted his head from Colton’s chest and bit into his left nipple making the other man hiss.
“Hot, huh?” Colton sat up straight now, rubbing his nipple with his right hand while he’d begun to twist his left in Henry’s hair. Henry eyed him and smirked.
“C’mon, you know I think you’re hot. Now you’re just fishing for compliments.”
Colton threw his head back and laughed with abandon. His eyes wrinkling at the corners giving him a youthful look. Then his gaze took on a more serious nature, while he drew in a deep breath. He looked straight at Henry.
“Thank you,” he spoke in a low voice.
“Of course,” Henry replied.
“Does it still hurt?” he pointed his head at the angry-red cut above Henry’s eyebrow.
“Not so much. I’ll live,” he winked trying to lighten the mood again. However, he understood Colton’s need to apologize. It wasn’t nothing to him. It was proof of his ghosts. Of his unsettled past. Of the ever-present pain following him around like a shadow.
“I really am sorry,” Colton repeated and looked away sheepishly.
“I know. Like I said, it wasn’t your fault. PTSD related trauma can do that to you, you know?” He watched as Colton fidgeted with the bedspread nervously. Colton continued to look away from Henry and he sensed that they’d hit a dead end for now. Henry didn’t want to pressure Colton at this point when he was obviously still vulnerable from the incident this morning. On the other hand, Henry wasn’t so naïve that he didn’t realize that Colton’s violent nightmares weren’t going to go away by themselves. Instead, he chose a safer middle ground.
“I’m always here for you if you want to talk, you know. And if you want to get help, I’m going to be there for you, too. I’m not going to let you deal with this all by yourself… I spoke to an out-patient clinic in Chadron, you know. They have a specialist there. Someone who knows about PTSD and anxiety. I think that could really be a great place to start, Colton.” Needing to reestablish the connection with the other man, Henry reached out and tangled his fingers with Colton’s. “I’m not going anywhere, baby.”
If he’d expected Colton to get defensive or withdraw from the conversation, he was pleasantly surprised. Instead, a soft exhale left Colton’s mouth and the words spilled from his lips, a defeated edge to them.
“Yeah. I know I need help. Real help. But I need to do this in my own time. I know that they’re getting worse and not better. The nightmares.” He squeezed Henry’s hand above the blanket. Brushing gently across the pale skin, he continued to speak. “The idea of hurting you makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t want to hurt you, Henry. If I did, I would never be able to forgive myself.”
“I know, baby. I know.” The endearment slipped out like the most natural thing in the world.Baby.
“I don’t want to ruin this,” Colton looked up at Henry and pointed his index finger back and forth between them. “Whatever it is, this thing between us.”
“You won’t,” Henry reached out and grabbed the back of Colton’s neck, holding his forehead close to his. “You can’t.”
He noticed Colton releasing a deep sigh before he brushed his lips softly against Henry’s. He opened his mouth slowly, letting Colton’s wet, hot tongue enter his mouth. He heard him groan as the kiss intensified. They explored each other’s mouths, tongues searching and tangling together, like it was the sole purpose of their existence. In a single swift movement, Colton pulled him towards him, seeking even more closeness and Henry straddled his lap. When his groin met Colton’s, he felt the hardening of his own cock against the already hard bulge behind Colton’s thin cotton briefs and he failed to hold back a whimper. Colton grabbed on to his ass and a wanton moan escaped him. He briefly released Henry’s mouth and looked straight at him, hazel eyes no longer hazel but smoldering dark, reflecting a need and arousal which took Henry’s breath away.
“You make me feel so good, sweetheart. You always do.” Colton bit his lower lip, not taking his eyes off Henry. “Now let me make you feel good too.”
He continued to stare at Henry, almost searching for permission. Henry had already pushed away any doubts or concerns a long time ago. Hell, he’d never really had any to begin with, had he? He’d taken a leap into this thing between them from the very beginning and realized without a hint of regret that his heart was no longer his. It was Colton’s to keep. He reached out and stroked Colton’s rough, stubbled cheek.
“You already do, baby. You make me feel so good. Now show me.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Colton
AFTER MAKING LOVEone more time, they’d showered together in the miniature shower at the motel. Henry hadn’t been able to stop giggling as Colton had repeatedly bumped his head against the low-hanging shower head, and Colton had secretly hoped that he’d never have to go another day without hearing Henry laugh like that at least once. Over the course of a few weeks, it had become his favorite sound in the world. Along with Henry’s soft snores, his gasps of pleasure and his moans of delight when he devoured his breakfast at Tilly’s like it was his last meal on earth. Colton knew that he was getting greedy, but he couldn’t stop himself from wanting every little piece of Henry.
They’d taken turns washing each other. Henry’s slender fingers had whispered across Colton’s much larger body, outlining every dip and every curve while the hot water had run in rivulets down Colton’s body. It was almost as if Henry wanted to memorize every birthmark, every pale scar and every tattoo.
He'd again asked Colton about the tattoo covering his entire right ribcage, but Colton had whispered against his lover’s sleek hair that he’d tell him later.Later.
Bending his head, Colton had allowed Henry to wash his hair, the tips of his fingers gently massaging Colton’s scalp, the shampooing session bordering on sensual. Everything Henry did was in one way or another sensual, Colton was beginning to realize. Showers had always been something rushed. Never something he’d allowed himself to indulge in. Just another mundane part of his day. With Henry every part of it seemed deliberate, bordering on a ritual.
They were so opposite, he’d thought to himself while Henry had placed wet kisses all over his chest and shoulders, standing on his tip toes to nibble at Colton’s earlobe. Henry was light and mild, moving through life brightening the days of the people around him. Colton, on the contrary, couldn’t escape the darkness inside him or the ghosts trailing behind him. Perhaps, if he continued to stay close to Henry, the light could somehow rub off on him too. Just as long as he didn’t end up swallowing all of Henry’s brightness in the process.
