Suddenly, Colton felt a seriousness settle in his chest. He trusted his uncle. From the short time he’d spent with Hank, he knew that he was one of the most real and genuine people he’d ever met. He knew that no matter what he asked the older man, Hank would be straightforward with him. Bracing himself, Colton cleared his throat.
“When did you first know that you were into guys?” Colton looked at the pile of leaves now gathered neatly on the porch. His uncle looked directly at him and smiled calmly.
“Well, to be honest with you, I’m not exactly sure. It wasn’t like a big revelation or nothing like that. No shining light from above. Not like in the books and movies anyhow. I just never really liked girls, I mean, not in that way.” Hank trailed off looking out at the woods behind the house before he continued. “When my buddies at school would talk about the girls, they liked… who was hot and who they wanted to take for a drive and stuff. I just didn’t feel that way. At first, I just thought that I was a bit behind my peers, but once my buddies started settling down with their girlfriends, I was pretty sure that I was attracted to men.”
“Did you do something about it?” Colton asked before he could consider if he was being too pushy.
“Nah, not at first. You know, it wasn’t like that back then. Today, you have all them websites and fancy apps, where you can just find a guy to meet with if you feel like it. I went into the city sometimes and went to bars and stuff, but I was too afraid to do anything about it.” Hank looked wistfully at Colton, brushing his dusty trousers with a used rag.
“Why?” Colton felt he perhaps already knew the answer, but he wanted to know Hank’s story. For some reason he sensed that his uncle wanted to tell him everything.
“Why? I heard stories, you know. About people being beaten up because they kissed another guy or were seen with other men outside those bars. Things could easily escalate, you know. There was no gay rights movement back then ? at least not in the country. The church laid down the law and according to the church, it was filthy and wrong to be with another man. You weren’t right in the head if you had those urges.” A nerve started ticking under Hank’s left eye and he sounded slightly agitated. It hadn’t been Colton’s intention to upset him ? that was the last thing he wanted.
“I’m sorry, Hank. I didn’t mean to upset ya. We don’t have to talk about it if…”
“Nah, that’s alright, son. It’s a good thing that you young people know what it was like back then. I mean, Jesus, son, people were even sent away, you know. Mental institutions. Like it was a disease or somethin’. Experimental drugs or electroshock therapy like there was a cure or something. Even read an article once about a guy who had a lobotomy. Imagine that. That’s a steep price to pay just for loving someone. So, yeah, people were afraid.”
Colton could sense the hurt and the anger in his uncle’s voice. Real anger and real sadness. Sure, he knew what had happened back then. Not in detail, but he’d heard the stories. The whispers in church about someone’s son or someone’s brother being possessed by the devil. Or living in sin in the city with some other man. Colton knew as a teen growing up in Hayley’s Peak that it just wasn’t right. Two men being together like that. And now, knowing that Hank had been one of those men, having to hide and live in the shadows. It made him angry too.
Hank pulled out his cigarettes from his front pocket, offering Colton one. Sure, why not, he thought to himself. It was called for with a topic like this. After lighting their smokes, his uncle nodded at a wooden chair on the porch, while he sat down in an old rocking chair himself. Colton lowered himself down, looking expectantly at Hank before he asked,
“Is that why you and dad fell out? Because of you being gay? He never said anything about it. One day he wasn’t at the shop no more and you never came around the house again.”
Hank ran a hand through his greying hair, making it stick out in all directions. A shadow had fallen across his face, but after a minute, his eyes were shining and he continued with a bittersweet nuance to his voice.
“Yeah, it was because of me and Eugene. Me and Walter had been running the shop for a couple of years and we were busier than ever. I think it was around the same time when your mamma got sick. It was summer. You know, a lot of people passing through in the summer around here. Tourists. Hikers, mostly. Eugene had come up to take pictures of the woods. The Peak. All the way from California. He was working for an outdoor magazine back then.” Hank scratched his beard and his eyes looked moist, glistening with unshed tears. “Came by the shop one August afternoon. His car had a flat tire. When I saw him, I just knew. From the moment he walked into the shop and smiled at me, pushing his baseball cap away from his pretty blue eyes. All the unanswered questions. All the late nights lying awake. All the doubt and the longing. It just blew right away along with the dust on the windowpane when he walked in the door and looked at me with those baby blues.”
The tears had started running down his uncle’s wrinkled cheeks by now and he looked lost in his own memories. Colton searched for something to say to comfort the older man, but before he could think of anything remotely fitting, Hank continued, his voice thick with emotion.
“Love of my life, that man. Couldn’t be any different. I just couldn’t hide the way I felt about him. You know, him feeling the same way about me. Why was I supposed to hide that? Hide that I was proud of being his man? That just wasn’t right. Why should we live our lives shamefully in the shadows like what we were to each other wasn’t just as right as what your mom and dad were?” He looked directly into Colton’s eyes, tears still resting in the creases below them. “Yeah, your dad didn’t like that… In not so many words he made it clear that if I chose to be with Eugene, I was on my own. As if I had a choice. There’s no choice when you love someone that way.”
Silence settled among the two of them on the porch while pinks and oranges painted the late afternoon sky. Colton felt a slight chill on his neck, but he wasn’t sure if it was because of Hank’s unsettling story or because of the sun setting. His uncle wiped at his cheeks before standing up, stretching his back and putting out the cigarette under his boot.
“All in the past now anyway, son. Nothing to do about any of that stuff now. Never once in my life regretted walking away from Walter that day. Missed the hell out of that asshole. Missed you, Colton. But like I said. Not a choice… Do you want coffee? I think I need some.”
As his uncle walked past him, he briefly placed his hand on Colton’s shoulder, squeezing it firmly before he reached for the door handle.
“I think I might like Henry that way,” Colton suddenly blurted, looking directly at his uncle’s back. Where the words had originated from, he wasn’t sure. Colton was just no longer able to hold back what he’d suspected for some time now.
He liked Henry. If he was being honest with himself, he more than liked him. Colton wanted him more than he’d ever wanted anything or anyone before in his life. Henry made him feel good. Not just in a physical sense but also good about himself. The younger man gave him a sense of hope. That he could change. That he could be better. But most importantly that he deserved better. Unaware that his uncle had now turned around, Colton repeated the words, his voice unwavering.
“I like Henry.”
“I kinda figured you did, son,” Hank replied with a faint smile before continuing inside.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Henry
HENRY HAD BEENstaring at his phone for a while now unsure if he should press send or not. He couldn’t figure out if he was getting too ahead of himself, but on the other hand, it felt right.Just send the goddamn text, for fuck’s sake!He chastised himself. With his thumb hovering above the screen, he drew in a deep breath and pressed send. The reply followed a few minutes later.
Colton: You mean like a date?
Henry couldn’t help smiling at the innocent straightforwardness in Colton’s reply.Yes, like a date.He wanted to take Colton out on a date.He blushed slightly as he typed.
Me: Yes, like a date. I mean, if you’re okay with it being a date?
Colton: Sure.
