“You’re absolutely right,” Iris smiled fondly as she put a plate of breakfast in front of Colton and then Henry. She wiped off her hands on her lavender-colored apron and sat down as well, taking a generous sip of her steaming hot coffee. “I remember your poor mother, sweet as an angel. You were always trailing after her, clinging to her dress. A sweet little mama’s boy…” Iris trailed off as she gazed out of the kitchen window, eyes the exact same sky-blue as her grandson’s. “And your poor father. Walter was never the same after Amy went.” She shook her head, wiping at the corner of her left eye and took another sip of her coffee.
Henry stared at Colton, who’d gotten a faraway look in his eyes. A strange quiet settled in the room, only the old clock in the hallway ticking away undisturbed.
After a moment, Colton turned to Iris, a wistful look in his eyes, his voice bearing just the hint of a tremor.
“Yeah, Mom was his whole life, I guess. He didn’t see much purpose with anything after that. Just existing but not really living anymore… Or at least, that’s what it seemed like back then. Maybe it was just his way of dealing, you know?” Colton’s voice sounded vulnerable as he recounted the time following his mother’s untimely death.
Henry rubbed his chest just below his collarbone, breathing deeply. Sorrow and loneliness radiated off Colton as he picked up his fork again. He imagined the six-year-old Colton losing not only his mother to cancer but also his father to grief. He couldn’t help wondering who’d been there for the little boy left alone to deal with his own sadness. Henry was suddenly consumed by a strange, almost overwhelming urge to reach out and hold Colton’s hand.
“Well, aren’t we a merry bunch,” Iris finally interrupted Henry’s thoughts and brought him back to the present moment. Colton smiled fleetingly at the older woman and then his eyes found Henry’s and he held his gaze. His warm hazel eyes seemed to look straight into Henry’s soul, turning everything upside down inside him. He felt his skin tingling, the hair at the back of his neck almost electrified.
What are you doing to me, Henry thought to himself. And then,Am I doing the same to you? Do you feel it as well? This strange connection… It isn’t just me, is it? You feel it too, right?
He held Colton’s intense stare as if he could force the other man to hear his thoughts by just looking at him long enough. A slight blush covered Colton’s cheekbones, but he didn’t look away. Henry picked up his coffee and took a sip. Not quite sure if he trusted his own voice right then, he closed his eyes for a second, breaking the spell, before he spoke.
“I guess to find a love like that and then lose it makes it hard to recover. I know that it would be for me, if I were ever lucky enough to love someone that way.” His voice shaky, Henry took a deep breath. While looking directly at Colton, he continued eating his breakfast, feeling his gran’s eyes lingering on him the entire time.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Colton
COLTON ENDED UPspending the better part of the morning at Henry’s house. After breakfast, Iris had gone next door and he and Henry had gone outside in the back yard to cut some wood. It was a beautiful day and not that cold, so after having a cup of coffee, they decided to go for a walk in the nearby woods. They were surrounded by a comfortable silence as they headed in the direction of the creek side by side.
Even though the conversation had been about a sensitive topic, Colton had enjoyed being in the company of Henry and his gran. It was clear to anyone who looked that the old woman adored her grandson, and that Henry was the center of her universe. He knew Henry’s story. How his parents had thrown him out when they found out that he was gay. How Iris had taken the sixteen-year-old grandson in and put him through first high school and then college. Colton couldn’t help but wonder how his own father would have reacted if it had been him who’d come out as a teenager. Would his father even have cared at that point?
Ever since the night at the creek where he’d kissed Henry for the first time, Colton was beginning to realize that he wasn’t entirely straight. He wasn’t as naïve to think that you could be attracted to someone of the same sex and still consider yourself straight. Colton wondered if he’d ever really thought of himself as having a specific sexual orientation. It had never been anything which he’d given that much thought. He’d never cared about labels anyhow. If you weren’t bothering anybody, then what did it matter who you were attracted to and whom you slept with?
He didn’t know why he’d been so adamant towards Henry about the fact that he liked women. If he hadn’t exactly realized it after the night at the creek, there was certainly no doubt about it now. He was attracted to the younger man. He thought about him most of the time. Just being close to Henry made his entire body light up and buzz with need and anticipation. He’d never before been drawn to someone that way. It was almost a magnetic pull, impossible to withstand.
Looking back, Colton doubted that he’d ever been sexually attracted to anyone before. Period. And the more he thought about it, it wasn’t only because Henry was good-looking and charming. Because he was.
No, he liked everything about him. Henry’s sense of humor and his kindness. His carefree personality and the way that you just instantly felt comfortable in his company. The way that Henry seemed to care for other people around him. The way he’d held Colton last night in the aftermath of the nightmare.
But it wasn’t just attraction, was it? Sure, the sex last night had been mind-blowing. He’d never been that turned on before, and at one point he’d been worried that he would black out from the orgasm. No, he liked being around Henry. Talking to him, shooting the shit… flirting with the younger man. Whenever he went to Tilly’s it was in the hopes of seeing Henry again. It was an unparalleled urge to be close to Henry. Since his early childhood, even before his mother had died, Colton had been a loner preferring his own or his mother’s company. No real close friends. Never the one to seek out others. Never the one to take the initiative. Unlike last night.
As they reached the end of the path, they came to a small clearing of pine trees that opened to a view of the creek and the peak further off in the distance. The crisp fall air held faint promises of winter and more snow, and Colton exhaled deeply feeling his body taking in everything around him. He turned towards Henry who was standing next to him, head tipped back with his eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of the autumn sun on his freckled face.
“You’re the first man I’ve ever thought of as beautiful,” Colton blurted, his eyes trailing along Henry’s slim figure. “Hell, I don’t think I’ve ever been attracted to someone before, the way I’m attracted to you.” Colton fidgeted with the hem of his coat, stroking the soft wool between his thumb and index finger.
Henry opened his eyes, the sky reflected in the piercing blue of his irises, the rosiness in his cheeks gradually giving way to a darker pink. He didn’t say anything, just smiled and reached out towards Colton, opening his hand. Colton placed his own palm against Henry’s and entwined their fingers.
“Thank you,” Colton continued. He felt a warmth spreading from the very tip of his fingers, along his right arm and then through his entire body. He almost had a feeling that he was floating. A lightness, which he hadn’t felt in ages, perhaps ever, engulfed him.
“What for?” Henry asked gently, while stroking the back of Colton’s hand with his thumb.
Colton shook his head, unsure how to put into words what he meant. How could he express to Henry, what was going on inside him? How could he explain what it meant to him to suddenly feel and experience what he’d only ever heard or read about? But he knew that he had to try, and he was convinced that Henry wouldn’t turn him away if he went with honesty.
“I thought I was being honest that day in the diner. You know, when I told you that I liked women…” Henry nodded at him, the expression in his face forthcoming, but he didn’t speak. “I mean, I never really questioned anything about my sexuality. I just thought that since I was a guy, I was supposed to like women. I just went with it, you know.” He looked down at the ground covered in pine needles, a tightness spreading just below his ribs. “In high school it was easy. A few kisses at parties. The occasional make-out session in the back of my truck. It wasn’t a matter of being attracted or not. It was a matter of fitting in. If things started to progress, you know, if the girl was into it and wanted more, I could always fake being too drunk, or having an early wrestling practice the next day…”
Colton stopped talking for a second to look up at the majestic pine trees. Then he nodded to himself, deciding to be completely honest with Henry. He knew that he needed to be. Henry deserved that.
“I don’t know what this is, this thing between us. I know that you make me feel things, you know sexual things, that I’ve never felt before. Last night was… It felt good. Hell, it felt amazing. But being gay… How do I know if I’m suddenly gay or bisexual or…” he trailed off, frustration building inside him. How could he even begin to explain this to Henry when he wasn’t even sure himself what it was?
Henry must have sensed his inner turmoil, because he moved closer to Colton and placed his free hand on his cheek. As he searched Colton’s eyes, he stroked his fingers lightly back and forth across his stubble.
“You don’t.” Henry spoke. “You can’t possibly know at this point if you’re gay or bisexual. I mean, from what you are telling me, you may even be demisexual. I know it’s frustrating, but you don’t need to define yourself right now. This is all so new to you, Colton. I mean, your mind must be about to explode right now.” He smiled and pressed a soft kiss to Colton’s cheek, his cold lips sending a shiver through Colton’s body. “I like you. I mean, I really like you. I think you’re fucking hot and last night was just… I love what we’re doing. I want to do more of that with you. To explore this thing between us. To see where this can go. But you need to set the pace. You’re the only one who can do that. Okay?”
Colton nodded and returned the soft kiss. Turning his head, Colton nuzzled his nose in what had by now become his favorite spot, just where Henry’s slender neck met the collarbone. In his mind, Colton had already claimed that patch of skin.Mine,a possessive voice whispered inside him.
