My mind reeled, grasping onto every memory I could summon that led me to hints that he’d wanted me as a lover. God, I was fucking dense. I used to think I was smart, but I wasn’t. Not one bit. I never noticed. Either he hid it well, or I explained it away. Sure, there had been times he touched me or talked dirty to me, especially back when we started with that little game of ours, but I hadn’t assumed he’d wanted me. Perhaps because he was family, so the thought never crossed my mind that he loved me.
It wasn’t until Atlas came into the picture that I started seeing Linden differently. Sure, I imagined being with him more than we were, but mostly it was a fantasy. My feelings for him grew the closer we got to Atlas. And I would never let Linden go. Not ever. I wanted both men in my life permanently, lipstick or no lipstick.
I didn’t bother to ask why he’d never told me. I knew why. Still, I wish I’d known. I think even as far back in college, if he’d told me his feelings, I might have seen where it took us. Maybe. What-ifs were about hindsight.
I reached for him, wrapped my fingers around his arm, and tugged him toward me. He scooted closer, looking at me with so much pain in his eyes, pain I hadn’t seen since the death of his parents.
Linden folded his leg and turned to face me. I ran my thumb over his bottom lip, rubbing off the lipstick, grateful it wasn’t a lip stain. “This doesn’t belong on you. I love you just the way you are.”
His eyes watered as he looked at me, but he held back his tears by clenching his jaw. Neither of us was big criers.
“Y-you love me?”
“If it means I get to keep you, then yes.” Once his lipstick was all wiped away, I lifted his chin. “Is that why you’ve been ignoring me? Because I’m really upset by that. I thought I was going to lose you.”
Linden moved closer and straddled my lap. He was so much bigger than Atlas, but he belonged there just as much.
“I had a lot to think about. I was torn, Hugh. My feelings just… things got out of control, and I didn’t know what to do about it while keeping you and Atlas happy. No way around it, I was going to hurt you both, but I had to think about myself, too… for my own sanity.”
I reached for his face with my hands, his scruff rough on my palms, and gave him a hard look.
“I need more than what we’re doing, Hugh. If I stay, I have to have more. I want both of you… youandAtlas.”
“You’re mine. Always.” His lip trembled, and some tears escaped out of his control as he glanced away, or tried to, but I wouldn’t let him. “I will give you anything you want.”
Linden leaned forward and pressed his face in the crook between my shoulder and neck as he let out a sob. Fuck, I’d been such an oblivious fool. I’d hurt him needlessly. Had I justseenhim, I might have prevented it.
I wrapped my arms around him and held him tightly.
“Don’t tell me these things to keep me. Tell me because you mean it,” he said.
“I mean every word. I love you, too.”
“I was fine with the status quo for a long time, but lately it’s been so hard.”
“That’swhy you didn’t want to do the double penetration,” I said when the realization hit me.
He nodded in my throat. “It’s gotten to be too much.”
I eased him back by his shoulders and wiped away his tears with my thumbs.
“Is it weird that I almost hurt even more knowing you love me back? All those years…,” he whispered.
“I think everything happened when they were supposed to happen.”
“You think?”
“I do. This is our time. Our timeline. We weren’t ready before.” I wasn’t entirely sure that was true, but we had no other direction other than to move forward.
“What about Uncle Hanley?”
“I’ll deal with him.”
“You say that with such confidence.”
“Because you’re more important. You and Atlas both are everything. I refuse to let you both go, even if that means I piss off Dad again.”
I wasn’t sure if Linden would do it, so I took the plunge. I reached for him with my lips. He looked down at me before meeting me halfway. When our mouths touched, all was suddenly right in my world. Worries about weirdness or awkwardness were unfounded. It was just more proof that we belonged together. The only thing I was pissed about was my obtuseness.
