“It’s beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.”
Although you can’t see my face, you can clearly tell that it’s me clutching my chest as my heart is being ripped out.
The black background against my white boa jacket with my still-beating bright red heart is, as Olly said: beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time.
I can’t help the tear that slides down my cheek and I don’t try to hide it, either. I feel the slide of Olly’s hand in mine as he threads our fingers together. We just stand together in silence as I let the emotions wash over me, absorbing every heartache. No words needed. The image speaks for itself.
Olly gently squeezes my hand. “How did it go today?” he asks, looking over at me.
I shrug. “It went okay. I’m not a big fan of Becky, but I guess it could have been worse.”
“When are you supposed to find out the results?”
“They said a day or two.” I walk over to where my phone is sitting. I have fifteen missed calls. While, yes, some of them are Billy, the majority look to be Jaxon and Olly. I keep scrolling until I see Marcus’ phone number on the list.
“Shit, I missed Marcus’s call.” I look at the clock, knowing it’s too late to call him back now.
Olly walks up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder. I sink back into him.
“Did he leave a message?” he asks.
I have five voicemails. Pulling up the first one, it’s Jaxon asking how the appointment went. I press delete. The next is Jaxon again. This time, he sounds a tad frantic.
The world around me is shifting into focus. I always thought I was on the outside looking in, but I’m not. I’ve been on the inside the whole time, too afraid to touch anything.
Next is Olly. The call seems casual enough, but I can hear the quiver in his voice when he tells me to call him.
Finally, there’s a message from Marcus. “Hey Jasper, just calling you to go over the results of the tests. Give me a call back when you get this. Oh, and Jacob wants to do lunch.”
“Figures he wouldn’t say what he wants to talk about. He could’ve given me some indication.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay…” I trail off when the last message starts to play.
“You know what? You don’t need to listen to that,” Olly squeaks out, trying to grab the phone from my hand.
He’s not fast enough as I step out of his reach.
“Hey Jasper, baby. I hope you are doing okay. Umm, I haven’t heard from you and I’m worried. I know you’ll hate me for saying that, but I’m always going to tell you that you’re worthy of being worried about, even if you’re too scared to believe it. You walked into my boring life and splashed it full of color.” I look up to see Olly chewing on his fingernail as his face turns a beautiful shade of red. “I don’t know what is happening between us, but I knowyou’re an important person in my life. I just found the real you. I’m sure as shit not ready to give you up. If you could see how we all see you…just call me please, and don’t get mad when I show up at your door.”
I slide the phone away, the silence heavy between us as our gaze lingers between us.
“Why don’t you fight with me anymore?”
Olly’s eyes widened, mirroring my internal surprise at the sudden question.
He then frowns. “What?”
“You used to argue with me over every little thing, but lately you’ve stopped. Why?”
He scrubs his hands down his face. “I don’t know. I realized that if I really wanted you, I had to love you for exactly who you are. It turns out I really like the person you are. I don’t want you to change. And really… I didn’t want to be down your throat all the time. I was afraid you would get sick of me.”
“There is no way I could ever get sick of you, but I’m not gonna lie…” I walk up, standing right in front of him, as close as I can get without touching. “I miss it.”
WhenIknockedonJasper’s door, I didn’t know what to expect. Would he even answer the door? Would I have to break the door down? Would I find him drunk and passed out? I had no idea.
I prayed I would find him covered in paint. The sight of him, completely covered in paint, smelling faintly of turpentine, would be my sign that everything was all right. It would mean he was processing things the way Jasper does. The way he needs to. I see that now.
