“Sorry,” he says, wincing. “Will the ring be ok? Does it need to come out?”
“Keep it in. I’ll keep an eye on it and take it out if need be. I’ve had worse happen.”
“Like what?”
“Well, ummm…” I glance away. “Say someone has a piercing… And said lip ring gets caught on said, umm, ya know, down below.”
Olly holds up his hands. “My dick gets the picture and would prefer not to think about the consequences.”
I snort at the memory. “The high-pitched scream that followed… agreed.”
A moment of awkward silence hangs in the air. Way to kill the mood, Jasper. Maybe it’s best not to bring up past lovers and sucking their dicks.
Ugh. See? I’m not good at this.
When he looks at me, I expect a judgmental look, yet his eyes reveal nothing of the sort.
I’ve had my fair share of hookups, but Olly… He deserves more than meaningless sex. How am I supposed to be that for him? I’ve never done this before. I’ve never wanted someone as more than sex on an intimate level.
But I want to give him everything. This need has been building for the last few months. I don’t think I can hold back now that I’ve had a taste.
“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop on your phone call earlier, but is everything ok?” Olly says, breaking through my nervous freakout.
I sigh. I can give him this. I might not be ready to divulge all my secrets, but at least I can give him something. Test the waters of letting him in.
“I went to the doctor recently.” Olly stops what he’s doing, his eyebrows shooting up. He seems eager to comment, but I’m grateful he stays quiet. “I have high blood pressure, and the doctor put me on blood pressure medication.”
Olly clears his throat, obviously trying to hide his reaction. He takes another pass at my lip with the antiseptic wipe, causing me to wince. I give him a dirty look.
“Sorry,” he says with a smirk. “But I am glad you finally went to the doctor.”
“Yeah, ummm, me too,” I say, casting my eyes away. “But the doctor mentioned something else.”
Olly lowers his hand and his earlier smirk is now replaced with worry. The same worry bounces around in the pit of my stomach, and it scares the shit out of me.
“What’s wrong?” he asks softly.
“The doctor wants me to schedule an echo. That’s who called earlier. He said there’s nothing to worry about, but they want to double check a couple of things,” I try to say with an air of nonchalance. Olly is not fooled.
“Oh. How do you feel about that? I’m sure it has to be pretty scary. Did he give you any sign of what he thought it might be?”
“He said he heard a small murmur. I don’t know what that is, and I’ve been afraid to google it.”
“Yeah, what do we always say, Jasper?”
“Doctor Google is not our friend,” I murmur.
“If it was something terrible, I’m sure your doctor would’ve gotten you in for testing right away. A murmur could be a lot of things.”
Olly’s calming voice settles the ever-present nerves within me. Wringing out my hands, I blow out a deep breath, easing the anxiety coursing through me. “Yeah, you’re right.”
The soft touch of Olly’s finger under my chin as he lifts it to meet his gaze, matches his gentle brown eyes.
“I will tell you every day you need to hear it. Whatever it is, you will be ok.”
A tear cascades down my cheek, the truth of my emotions flickering past, running wild… I’m terrified.Fuck, I’m terrified.
“Let someone in Jasper,” Olly all but whispers, resting his forehead against mine.
