I eye him. Marcus is aware of my habits. “Not the greatest, but when I get into a zone, it’s hard to stop. You know how I get.”
“Jasper, throwing yourself into your paintings is not a bad thing. You’re very talented, and it helps you mentally, but when it causes issues with your sleeping habits, you need to learn to pay attention to your body. Obviously, I’m not telling you to stop, just asking you to be more aware.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“One more thing. I want to schedule an echo on your heart. Just to rule out a couple of things.”
My eyes go wide. “What do you mean? What’s an echo? Rule out what?”
“Jasper, take a couple of deep breaths… good. The rapid heartbeat could be anxiety. Anxiety can cause a lot of issues with the heart, but I also hear a slight murmur, and I just want to check it out for precaution. An echo is non-invasive. Just like taking a picture. We’ll get your blood pressure under control, and I want to make sure nothing else is going on.”
My brain becomes assaulted with every horrible outcome. A murmur? What the fuck is a murmur? I hear Marcus continue to talk, but I’m not paying attention to a word he says. God, I want to get out of here. I need to get out of here. Did I finally push myself too far?
“Someone will call you to schedule the appointment.”
I look up at Marcus and blink my eyes, trying to bring him back into focus.
“Here is your prescription for the blood pressure meds. Please get them filled as soon as possible. You also need to pick up a home blood pressure machine. I want you to monitor yourself twice a day so I can make sure the medication is working and not dropping you too low. Here is the range I would like to see your blood pressure between,” he says, handing me a small white piece of paper. “Please keep a log until your next appointment.”
“Yeah, okay, I can do that.” I’m freaking out.
“Perfect.”
I hop off the table.
“Hey, Jasper?” Marcus says.
I turn back to glance at him. “Yeah?”
“We really missed you at the fundraiser. It’s the first one you’ve ever missed.”
“I know, and I’m sorry.” My gut aches when I think about the fact I missed it, but the focus needed to be on someone else that night. “I didn’t want to take away from Alex’s night.”
“Are you ever gonna let them in? Your friends? They seem like they really care about you.” Marcus shakes his head. “The look on Jaxon’s face whenhe needed to leave told me everything I needed to know about the type of people you work with.”
He narrows his eyes. “And if I would have known it was you, I would have left with him.”
“I was fine, and that night was about Matthew. You needed to be there. I’m just sorry I wasn’t.”
“I know how much he meant to you,” he says, giving me a sad smile. If my heart wasn’t already broken, that look he gives me will always shatter it into a million pieces. We all miss Matthew.
I nod my head, blinking away tears and gaining my composure as I walk out of the room.
BythetimeImake it into Dragonfly Café for this week’s family dinner, I’m completely drained. After I called Jaxon and told him I wouldn’t be in for the rest of the day, I drove to the pharmacy and picked up my prescription, as well as one of those at-home blood pressure monitors Marcus told me to get.
I’ve known Marcus since I was sixteen years old and a rebellious teenager seething with anger at the world. If it wasn’t for him and his husbands, Matthew and Jacob, I would probably be sitting in a cell somewhere.
Some nights, I lie awake and think about what would have happened if someone hadn’t stepped in and saved me.
It’s not like I deserved to be saved to begin with. There were far better people in this big world who deserved to be saved.
Instead of rescuing a young troublemaker who did nothing remarkable with the opportunities he was given, it should have been someone like Alex.
Marcus spends most of his time investing nowadays. Though he can walk away from practicing medicine whenever he chooses, he still has a lingering attachment that prevents him from doing so entirely. And I think it’s Matthew.
I never meant to keep them a secret, but I didn’t talk much about my past when I first started, and then I didn’t want anything to take away from Alex’s night and now it’s just… awkward.
The moment I step into the café, heads turn and the room falls silent, interrupted only by the gentle jingle of the bell over the door.
