“I’m okay… Really, I am!” I add when he cocks his head, giving me the once over.
“Okay, but if you’re not, please talk to someone.”
“I will, I promise.”
“Have you decided on what you’re going to do? The detective on the case said he needed to know by tomorrow. I know it’s not a lot of time to—“
“No, it’s fine.”
Wrapping my arm around Spencer’s waist, pulling him close and planting a kiss on his temple, I say, “I’m not going to leave. I’m staying. I’ve decided to not dig up old wounds that I have already begun to put to rest.”
“I can respect that decision,” Jaxon says.
“But… I would still like to pay to have her taken somewhere and buried properly. So maybe if someone could help me figure out how to do that?”
“I think that is a beautiful idea,” Spencer says, hugging into my side.
“I can call the detective in the morning and ask what your options are.”
Seeing my best friend standing in front of me again makes me realize how much I have missed him. “Beckett, you have already done so much for me. I have all this because of you! Plus, you flew all the way out here!”
“Hey, I do all this because we are family!” Jaxon reaches out and gives Beckett’s shoulder a squeeze. “And… I flew out here because I also plan on staying!”
“Wait, what? Are you staying? Don’t fuck with me, Beck!”
He stage whispers, “I don’t think I’m going to be the one doing the fucking tonight!”
I groan and Spencer blushes and Jaxon elbows him in the ribs again.
“All right, let’s let these two lovebirds get somesleep… Don’t even say it!!!” Jaxon exclaims, slapping Beckett upside the head before he even has a chance to respond. “Come on, you can stay in my guest room at the house.”
I chuckle, watching them leave. Put Beckett in a room with Jaxon and it won’t be for the faint of heart.
With the room turned quiet, my gaze shifts to Spencer. I step in front of him with my hands coming forward to rest on each side of his face. My thumb smooths over where his eyeliner is beginning to smear from the night's rollercoaster of emotions. “Stay with me tonight?”
“Of course!” he says, softly kissing me on the lips. “Just let me double check the apartment and feed Gallifrey.”
“Do you want some help?”
“No, it’s fine. Plus, I want to take a minute to freshen up a bit.” Spencer stands on his tippy toes, his breath ghosting along my neck before whispering close to my ear, “because I really want you to fuck me tonight, Finn!”
I close my eyes and let out a breathless, “fuck!” When I open them again, it’s to the sight of Spencer’s perfect little ass that I want to bury myself into as I watch him come alive, walking out the door.
Shaking off my Spencer haze, I walk over to the corner of the room where I have my drawings leaning up against the wall. I have been hesitant to hang anything, too afraid of settling in. I took a shot in the dark coming here, hoping to gain control over my future. A future away from the seedy world of drugs and bad fucking people.
I feel sadness for the little girl my mother once was who lost the battle of addiction. I don’t need to see her to mourn her. But that was the little girl. The woman she became? Spencer was right. Those were her choices she made. She chose to stop fighting; She chose to stop fighting for Jacqueline; She chose to stop fighting for me! And for that… I’m angry!
It’s time I start living the life I was fighting for. No more looking at the past, waiting for the floor to shatter. I pick up my drawing of Jacqueline, finally getting the courage to hang it on a wall. I swap out the picture in between the two floor to ceiling windows for Jacqueline’s. With the evening sun coming through the windows in bursts of oranges and yellows, she takes my breath away. It’s where she is supposed to be.
Checking the time, I figure I have a few extra minutes to take a quick shower to wash away the emotions of the day and make myself as presentable as I can for Spencer. What he’s asking me for is a big deal to both of us. That he wants me to take something from him that he has held on to and protected does not go unnoticed. I want this to be special for him, for us!
I decide on something that is almost romance-novel-swoon worthy.
CHAPTER25
Spencer
Walking awaywith an extra swing in my hips and all the confidence I can muster, I somehow manage to walk out his door and over to my place without falling on my ass. Expecting to see a half-assed cleaning job when I opened the door, I was pleasantly surprised to find the apartment spotless but with one very pissed off cat perched at the center.
