The demons she carried all these years have won, and at the expense of so much death and destruction. When I was younger, when she actually had spans of sobriety, I would lay curled up in her bed and she would tell me about the dreams she had when growing up. That was the only time she showed any hint of sorrow. I feel sad for the little girl she once was. But not for the person she became. She was supposed to be the parent.
“Where is Max? Does he know?”
Beckett shakes his head. “Nobody knows where he is. The contact I found said the last he heard, Max had pissed off a drug dealer and is wanted for murder. He has not been seen in over a month. I hate to say it…” he trails off.
I nod my head, hearing what he is not saying loud and clear.
There is a knock at my apartment door. A twinge of disappointment hits me when I see Jaxon stick his head in, I was hoping it was Spencer.
“I texted Jaxon. I was worried you were going into shock for a minute there and I didn’t know what to do.”
“No, it’s okay!” I throw a nod at Jaxon when he comes to sit next to Beckett on the table.
“How are you feeling?” he says.
That is the question, isn’t it? How do I feel?
“I don’t really know. I have been sitting here trying to figure that out, but I can’t seem to feelanything.”
“That’s okay!” Beckett says. “You are allowed to feel however you need to.”
Jaxon leans forward, gripping my shoulder. “Even if that means you feel nothing,” he says.
“But shouldn’t I?”
“After what you lived through, no!”
“Finn, I was able to talk with the detective on the case,” Beckett says, drawing my attention back to him. “Nobody has claimed the body. They said they are willing to hold her for another 72 hours, then she will be in the county’s custody for burial.”
My pulse speeds up at the thought of going back to California. I was just starting to really have a life here.
“Are you going to go home?” Jaxon asks.
I give a self deprived laugh. “I was just getting used to the possibility of this being my home. I had refused to get my hopes up too high until my six months were over.”
“And it is home,” Jaxon says. “This will always be a place you can call home. You just have to choose it! And I don’t know what you think is going to happen after 6 months, but I have no plans of firing you when the time comes!” he says with a chuckle. “Why would you think that?”
“Because you said after 6 months we would reevaluate?”
Jaxon laughs. “That was just for the apartment and if you wanted to live here, not your job. You’re too fucking talented to let you go. Plus, there is a cute little bookstore owner next door who would have my balls.” Jaxon kicks my boot. “Not that he would say anything, but he is pretty worried you’re leaving.”
“Spencer!” I breathe out. “Shit, I didn’t mean to walk out on him. I don’t even remember coming over here.”
“Yeah, you definitely zoned out for a bit there,” Beckett says.
Just then there is a small familiar knock at the door and I feel this overwhelming sense of relief. I turn to see Spencer standing in the doorway.
Jaxon and Beckett stand up. “We’ll let you two talk!” Jaxon says, before slapping me on the back. He kisses the top of Spencer’s head before leaving. The cave man in me lets out a low rumble and I hear him chuckle as he walks out the door.
“It's nice to finally meet you,” Beckett says before leaning in, whispering something into Spencer’s ear and leaving. That can never be good.
“Hi,” Spencer says with uncertainty.
“Hi.”
“Is this okay?”
My gut sinks. “Fuck yes, this will always be okay,” I say, reaching out for him.
