Finn’s gaze meets mine, his kind eyes making my stomach flip. His hand reaches up and pushes back a wayward strand of hair before he leans in, his lips pressing softly against mine. The kiss starts out slow and sweet before something changes. His tongue slides into my mouth as the kiss becomes desperate and frantic before we pull back, gasping for air, and he gives me one last kiss on my forehead.
“My mom was young when she had me. She met my dad and thought she was in love. She got pregnant after dating 6 months. Neither my mom nor my dad had steady jobs, always bouncing around. They started hanging out with a bad crowd, and before she knew it, she was hooked on drugs. She tried to get clean over the years, but it never stuck, and then she just stopped trying. My dad was just as bad. They would fight all the time and eventually he just up and left, leaving me with her.”
“I’m so sorry Finn, every kid deserves better parents than that.Youdeserved better parents than that,” I say. My heart aches, knowing that Finn never received the same love and care that I did when I was a child. It makes the admiration for my own mother grow bigger.
“Growing up, I didn’t know any better. I assumed this was the norm for everyone’s life. Parents just birthed you, and after that, you were on your own. As I got older, I realized that was not the case. I was the exception and not the norm. By then my mom had Max and then Jacqueline. Max was always so angry and violent, I didn’t know what to do. I had to be careful around him.”
I see Finn’s eyes move to the drawing of Jacqueline leaning against the wall. The tears that I can tell he was trying to hold back start to fall. I resist the urge to wipe them away, knowing that he needs them to fall.
When he continues, it’s in an almost whisper. “Jacqueline was the sweetest kid. God, she would light up a room with her smile. And her laugh; best sound in the universe. I tried so hard to protect her from everything and everyone around us.”
I squeeze his hip, making little circle motions with my thumb. Trying to soothe his heartbreak while I just listen.
“I used to make the inside of her closet like a fort, stuffed with flashlights, pillows and her dolls. On nights when it got really bad, we would sit in her closet and make up stories of adventures we were on. Anything to drown out the noise from the parties my mom and her newest fling would throw.
“She was such a shit mom. There were a lot of Christmases with nothing. No tree, no stockings and no gifts from Santa. One year I couldn’t bear to see the disappointment on Jacqueline’s face anymore and I went to the nearest store and stole a Barbie just so she would havesomething.”
“To me… It sounds like you were a great big brother. She was lucky to have someone like you by her side,” I say with a half smile. “I used to wish for a brother or sister when I was young.”
“But that’s the thing. I wasn’t so great. I failed her!” Finn squeezes his eyes shut. The anger vibrating through him so strong, even I can feel it. “My mom was on one of her drug induced benders. I told her I had to go to work. She flipped her lid, started screaming and yelling, telling me I had to stay home and watch Jacqueline because she was too tired. I had already missed so many days, one more and they would fire me. So I went to work. The biggest mistake of my life…”
“Shh, it’s okay Finn, It's my turn to catch you now.” I hold his face tenderly in my hands, my fingertips lightly caressing his skin, before I lean in to kiss his forehead, then one eye, then the other, before finally setting a light kiss on his lips.
Finn took a deep breath, settling himself before he continued. “Jacqueline got hit by a car while riding her bike. My mom was passed out and wasn’t watching her. She didn’t have her bike helmet on. God, I always made sure she had her helmet. I had rushed home after work because I had told her we would ride bikes together when I got home. She was so excited.”
My own tears begin to fall. There is so much pain and hurt in his words. I want to drape my body over his wounds and heal them.
“I saw all the flashing lights, and I thought my mom had finally done it. She finally overdosed. But it wasn’t her. I got closer and saw Jacqueline laying in the road. I guess the car didn't see her and she hit her head. There was just so much blood everywhere.”
I pull him into my chest and murmur, “my sweet, sweet man. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. Please, tell me you know it was not your fault?” I plead.
Finn lets out a self-deprecating laugh. “Tell that to my mother. She blames me. She never misses an opportunity to remind me that I chose to go to work that day. I was being selfish and not thinking of Jacqueline first.”
What the fuck? This woman is psycho. Oh, now I’m really pissed. “You need to listen to me loud and clear, Finn." I’m so worked up my arms are flailing all over the place. “It was not your fault. It was your sorry sack of a mother who was selfish. She failed as a mother to both you and Jacqueline. Heck, even to Max.” I grab his face, making sure he is looking me right in the eyes and softening my tone. “Don’t put the blame on yourself sweetheart, you were an amazing brother to her. You were the best big brother she could have asked for. You didn’t let her down. She let her down…Mmmffp!”
I barely finish my rant before his lips crash into mine.
CHAPTER16
Finn
I hadan epiphany in the middle of dumping my emotional baggage all over the place. Just because I’m jaded does not mean I’m going to run away from the good shit that comes into my life. Isn’t that the biggest part of a fresh start? Not only knowing it’s time to let someone through your self-imposed wall, but knowing who to let through?
Seeing this tiny man get so riled up from how someone treated me is bringing a flutter to my chest, and is also so fucking sexy! The tips of Spencer’s ears turn red as he goes full steam ahead. I’m pretty sure I seeactualsteam coming out of his ears. My cock is suddenly fighting with the fabric of my sweats as I discover that an angry Spencer is my new kink.
He is gonna have to take a breath soon, right? How long can he actually go on for? When he finally does come up for air, the sincerity in his voice and truth in his eyes makes my pulse race.
I can feel my wall start to crumble. I don’t know how much longer it can hold up against Spencer, and I’m beginning to think I don’t really want it to.
In sudden desperation, I find myself devouring him, like I’m scared he will disappear.
“Jesus, Spencer, there is no one quite like you,” I say against his lips.
“I’m just an ordinary bookstore owner who has a cat,” he whispers back.
“You’re asexy as fuckbookstore owner, who is sweet and kind, and also has a cat.” I kiss the tip of his nose.
“Says the tattooed sex god,” Spencer giggles.
