“You did,” Seven cried, face twisting like he was in pain. “You did ask me to do that. You sat right across from me and told me that I could sleep with you again if I learned to be obedient. You told me the only way I could sleep with you again was if I asked for nothing more than money and orgasms.”
Thatwaswhat he’d said. Knowing what he did about Seven’s father, the exchange between them now seemed a thousand times worse than it already was in his head. He’d cut him deeply. All to protect himself.
“It’s not—” Enzo started, then caught himself with a dull laugh. “I was about to say it’s not you, it’s me. It sounds so fucking trite, but it’s true. I didn’t write that contract because I thought you were somehow lacking, I wrote it up because I knowI am.”
Seven frowned. “You know you’re what?”
“A shitty fucking boyfriend,” Enzo said.
“Meaning…?” Seven prompted, keeping their fingers tangled between them even though he was still so painfully guarded.
Enzo never talked about this with anyone. It was too fucking embarrassing. “The last relationship I was in…was a fucking disaster.”
“That’s hardly unique. Most relationships end…until you find the one that doesn’t. No?”
“You make it sound so easy,” Enzo said, his expression pained.
“Vince was right. She really did a number on you,” Seven murmured.
Enzo sucked in a sharp breath. “Vince told you about her?”
“Only that you had a relationship that ended badly and that it had fucked you up in the head. He said you use BDSM as a way to keep distance between you and whoever you sleep with. He also said that’s not how it’s meant to be used.”
“He’s one to talk…” Enzo muttered.
“So, what did she do to you?” Seven asked. “And don’t tell me you don’t want to talk about it. If you want me to understand, then just tell me.”
He hated talking about this. He felt like a fool. Pathetic. Oblivious. A million other adjectives. But Seven was right. If he was going to explain himself, he couldn’t do it without talking about her. He might as well rip off the Band-Aid.
“She slept with my best friend.”
Seven’s breath caught. “Damn.”
“Yeah. And I couldn’t even blame anyone but myself.”
“It’s your fault she was sleeping with your best friend?” Seven repeated.
Enzo nodded. “See my previous shitty boyfriend statement. I was the one constantly canceling plans. I was the one who missed every anniversary, every birthday. I was a fucking asshole. I was consumed with the idea of making partner before we got married. She got tired of being alone. He was always there.”
“That’s no excuse,” Seven said. “I don’t care how absent someone is, I would never do that.”
Enzo shrugged. “She said she kept waiting for me to notice she was cheating on me, but no matter how obvious she made it, I was still too self-absorbed to notice.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. So, I don’t do relationships anymore. Contracts just make things less…painful.”
Seven shook his head. “For who?”
“For anyone stupid enough to want to see me more than once,” Enzo answered, feeling like there was an anvil in his stomach.
“How long ago was this?” Seven asked.
Enzo shrugged. “Almost eleven years ago now.”
“And you don’t think you’ve changed at all since then?” Seven asked. “Not even a little?”
“I don’t know. But is it worth risking your heart?” Enzo asked. “Do you really want to be with someone who is at his mother’s beck and call? Who’s at their clients’ beck and call?”
