“Iamfull-time,” Swan replied. “As much as I can be. But you planned a pregnancy without consulting me.” He tried to keep his voice low as Jake wobbled towards the sofa.
Alice blinked, her cheeks flushing as she was confronted with everything that had gone unsaid. She did not deny the accusation, just stared rigidly ahead.
“That’s not how relationships work.” He pressed his point home. “Especially when it comes to something as big as starting a family.” He smiled at Jake, smoothed over his soft wispy hair before handing Josh a toy to distract him. It felt distasteful, arguing about his children, whom he loved with all his heart. But it needed to be said.
Alice picked up the remote control and played an old recording ofPeppa Pig. Jake clapped his hands. Squealing in delight, the boys crawled towards the big TV screen.
“So you don’t want them.” Alice’s voice was tempered with quiet fury as she watched them both. “You don’t love your children.”
“That’s a horrible thing to say,” Swann reprimanded as her words hit home. “Really? Is that what you think?” No answer came. “Alice, the boys are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. But my point is...” He grasped for the words. “You can’t railroad people into doing what you want, then wonder why things aren’t perfect afterwards. It goes for Elea, and it goes for our relationship, too.”
Josh emitted a giggle as Peppa Pig played out. As always, Jake followed suit.
“What about me?” Alice whispered, her voice choked with emotion. “Don’t you love me?”
Swann took in the crumpled look on her face. “Of course I love you...” He swallowed. “You gave me perspective on life, and I know I’m struggling to find a balance—that’s all on me.” He gazed lovingly at his children. “Family is everything. But we have a lot to sort out. I think we should get counselling.” Given how much he struggled to share his feelings, it pained him to say the words.
“Are we in that much trouble?” She sniffed, her eyes wet with tears.
“It can’t do any harm.” He turned to face her. “This has nothing to do with Elea, you know that, don’t you?” It was meant to be reassuring, but his words lacked conviction. Elea’s presence had sent him into a tailspin.
Alice’s expression was one of mistrust.
“I can’t drop her now,” Swann reasoned. “Not with everything going on.”
“Oh, please.” Alice rolled her eyes as her mood took another turn. “Elea brings drama everywhere she goes. She feeds off it. But there comes a cut-off point. It’s been years.” She swiped away an errant tear before crouching to give Joshua and Jake some toys. Uninterrupted time to talk was a luxury for them both.
Swann slipped a clean tissue from his pocket and handed it to Alice. He hated to see her like this. He tried to empathise as he watched his boys play. His father hadn’t been there for him growing up. He would not do the same. But he couldn’t carry on pretending everything was fine. “We’re close to finding Liisa—or at least what happened to her. I’m not abandoning Elea now.”
Alice stared miserably at the floor, blotting her tears. “I’ve been living in her shadow for so long.” The happy jingle of anotherPeppa Pigepisode played in the background, a laughable juxtaposition to the gravity of their conversation.
“We’ll have a result soon—one way or another. Just give Elea some slack. Then, I promise, we’ll book a holiday. Get away from everything.” He was about to say more when his mobile phone rang from its resting place on the coffee table. It was work. He and Alice exchanged a glance.
“Answer it,” she said, before getting up and joining the twins on the floor.
“Swann,” he said, with little hesitation.
“Sorry, mate, I know it’s your day off, but something’s come in.” It was Jess. Superintendents didn’t ring on rest days unless something serious came up.
“Everything all right?” Swann’s pulse was already picking up speed.
“It’s more than all right,” Jess said cheerfully. “It’s Sophie Miller. She’s ready to talk, but only to Elea. I thought that you should know.”
“I’m on my way.” Swann rose from the sofa. Their only witness had found her voice.
“There’s no need. We can handle it from here.”
But Jess’s words didn’t register. If they were closing in on Sophie’s kidnapper, then he was going to be there. “I’ll be with you in fifteen.”
Chapter 37
Elea waited patiently for the officers to filter out of the briefing room. Their chatter was low as they talked between themselves. Heads down, Kelly and Ollie were comparing their workloads, while Ness, who had arrived late, was sorting out her paperwork, which she had dropped on the carpeted floor. Elea glanced at Mitch, who had agreed to her request for five minutes alone. Today Swann had left him to take the helm. Swann had booked the rest day the week before, but Elea had it on good authority that he had popped back in to see the Corporate Communications Team. Helsinki Police had a similar team, which handled press enquiries. Their jobs involved disseminating information between journalists and investigating officers and, most of all, protecting the department’s public image. Over the years, Elea had got to know the staff by their first names.
Her mind drifted back to a day that she often revisited. Niall was the longest-standing member of the Helsinki communications unit, an ageing Irish man with a penchant for cigars. She recalled the last time she saw him, before she left for the UK. He was leaving work, a cloud of smoke in his wake. The evening was crisp and clear, and their bodies were illuminated beneath the streetlights as she caught up with him. The lines on his face deepened into a smile.
“I hear you’re off soon,” he’d said, puffing on his cigar. He was dressed for the weather, his woollen hat pulled down over his silver hair. The potent, earthy smell of cigar smoke wrapped itself around Elea as they briefly chatted about her trip to England and her consultation on the case. “Liisa’s story...” The tip of his cigar glowed orange as he puffed. “Don’t keep me waiting any longer, eh? You promised I’d be the one to handle it.” There was no pity in his voice, just the quiet, unshakeable kindness that kept him steady through every tragic story that the department had shared.
Elea gave him a look that said more than words could. “Of course.”
