This is not the first time we’ve made out, not even close, but just like every other time—I feel desperate for him. Like this could be the last time he touches me…or kisses me.
And that’s the only excuse I have for things moving so fast between us…it always feels like he could be yanked away at any moment.
“Do you ever feel like this is too good to last?” I ask in a rushed breath.
Ethan looks around the dark room and laughs quietly. “Hopefully, your dad won’t come in here right now.”
I swallow hard and shake my head. “Not this exact moment…I mean us. This crazy thing between us.” He’s confused and I run a hand across his cheek. “I’m anxious when I’m not with you. I can’t keep my hands off you when we’re together. We haven’t known each other for long, but no one has ever known me better. Everything that’s been good in my life has disappeared and I’m terrified you’re next.”
My cheeks are red with embarrassment by the time I finish and I have to look away. But it’s true. My naïveté that the world is a kind place and nothing bad will ever happen: gone. My confidence that my mom will always be there for me no matter what: gone. Even my home that should always be a safe haven: gone.
Ethan guides my head back until our noses almost touch. “I know what you mean. We didn’t meet in the normal way. Hell, nothing we’ve done has been normal. But I’m not going to disappear.”
And if I have anything to do about it—I won’t disappear either.
Ethan wakes me up as the early morning rays start poking their way through my window. The last thing I want to do is leave him or the warmth of this bed, but the whispered reminder that Dad will be up any minute is all I need to get moving.
I tiptoe out of my room just as Agent Parker appears at the end of the hall. With an arched eyebrow, she shakes her head, then mutters, “I didn’t see anything,” before she moves out of view.
I race across the hall to the bathroom and start the water for a shower.
I’m making coffee when Dad and Ethan finally enter the kitchen. Dad looks like hell and probably didn’t sleep at all. Teeny drags in a few minutes later.
Agent Parker sits down at the table next to Teeny.
Teeny stares at her for a minute or two. “So you were brought in before we moved to Natchitoches because Agent Williams thought someone on the inside was leaking information?”
Agent Parker nods, looking a little confused as to where this is going.
“If an agent was the bad guy, why did you make us cut and dye our hair? Wouldn’t they know we changed our looks? We looked horrible like that, you know.”
An awkward smile breaks out on her face. “I know. And yes, they would know that. But since you were being relocated at an alarming rate, much more than any of our other families, we were trying to rule out that you were being recognized.”
Teeny seems to digest that then adds, “I don’t think it was Agent Mullins. He was really nice to me.”
Agent Parker sits down at the table across from Teeny and says, “I hope you’re right. I think Agent Mullins is a very good agent, too.”
An uncomfortable silence takes over the room. I think about how different things would have been if Mom could have held it together. She’d have thrown open the blue checkered curtains to let the light chase away the dark mood and made a strong pot of coffee to go with her legendary blueberry pancakes. Instead, we’re passing around a half-empty box of Cheerios and rationing off what little bit of milk is left in the carton. After a depressing breakfast, there’s not much to do except wait for Agent Williams.
The five of us settle in, occupying various spots in the family room. But the room feels empty—we’ve all checked out.
Teeny tugs on my sleeve. “Do you think we’re moving?” her voice catches as she asks.
“Not sure,” I answer.
“It’s gonna be fine.” Ethan keeps saying this over and over. Maybe at some point I will believe him.
She bats a few stray tears away and crumples against his side. “If we leave, we’ll never see you again,” she says to Ethan.
There it is—my worst fear spoken out loud. Even though I knew that was a real possibility, I didn’t realize it would physically hurt to hear Teeny speak the words.
Ethan strokes her head and watches me. I press my lips together so hard they hurt—no telling what will pop out if I actually try to speak right now.
Overhearing our conversation, Agent Parker says, “Relocation is not the automatic answer here. Agent Williams very much wants you to have a normal life, and he knows how hard the program was for you last time. Plus, there’s the situation with your mom. We would have to move her as well and that’s not so easily done.”
I take some comfort in her words but it’s hard not to assume the worst is going to happen.
We see Sheriff Pippin’s cruiser pull in the driveway and I brace myself for what’s next.
