“It’s Catalina.”
His mouth hardens as he pulls away. “I can’t call you by your name as if I were some lord.”
“You can call me by my name because you’re my friend.” I don’t care what he says. The times we spent together in the Illustrian fortress were more than just him following orders. If that had been true, we wouldn’t have talked at all. But we did. I told him about the books I’d read, the stories I loved and the characters I admired. Once, I even caught him reading by candlelight. One of my favorite tales about a creature of the jungle who used his persuasive call to lure people off well-traveled paths.
He remains stubbornly silent. I want to shake him.
“You called me Catalina before. Right after you rescued me.”
“That was before.”
Ah.BeforeI told him my plan to stay here. When his sense of duty kicked in after he found out about his family’s horrible fate. “We might die here, and you can’t call me by my name?”
“What difference does it make? Both are true. I prefer addressing you with the respect your status requires. What about that upsets you?”
I gesture to all of him. “Your aloofness upsets me. Back at the keep, we were friends,” I amend. “We talkedallthe time. Every day.”
This seems to amuse him. “We did?”
“Yes, we—” I break off, flushing. He doesn’t remember any of our conversations, while I carried them in my heart, dreamed about him for years. That hurt. “You really don’t remember?”
Manuel stills, his expression remote and blank. If he were a house, it’d be empty and haunted. I take the tiniest step forward. His nostrils flare at my approach. He’slying.And the hurt I feel transforms, taking over my body, overruling my better judgment. I’m tired of being protected, sheltered, of having my experiences dictated.
“You want to pretend we weren’t friends? That we never danced together or stayed up talking most nights? That you didn’tkissme?” At this, his eyes narrow into slits, the gleam in them hard. “You’re not fooling me. But if you insist on carrying on, have the decency to explain why.”
“There’s nothing to explain.”
I tug at the ends of my hair. “It was your choice to stay here.”
“I didn’t really have a choice.”
I step close to him and poke his chest. “You always have a choice. Why do people think they don’t have choices? You’re not standing in a river with the current dragging you one way or another. You’re on solid ground and responsible for what you do. Ximena had a choice. You have a choice, and so did I. You can still leave.”
“I won’t do that.”
I press my fingers to my throbbing temples. “If we have to travel together, the least you can do is say good morning. Honestly, you’re as pleasant to be around as an angry swarm of bees.”
He clenches his jaw. “Are you finished?”
I nod.
“Any moment in the jungle could be our last,” he says with fire in his voice. “I have to listen, to pay attention. I don’t have room to engage you in conversation, not when we have a tribe of people hunting us and predators with teeth, with poison in their systems. I can’tentertainyou.”
Is that what he thinks? No better than a child, demanding amusement? The thought spikes my blood, and tears prick my eyes. Whenever I feel frustrated, I tend to angry cry until the emotion is swept away. “That’s not fair. I’m not asking you to do that.”
“Then what do you want from me?” he asks, genuinely confused. “I’m a ranger and your guard. I’m trying to protect you. That’sallI’m trying to do.” Manuel shoots me a look loaded with meaning.
He doesn’t want to talk about the kiss. He’d rather I forget all about it, as if I hadn’t dreamed about that moment for years. As if I hadn’t cried when he left without a word.
“I understand.”
His eyes narrow. “Then why do you look like you’re about to cry?”
I bite my lip. Struggle to contain my emotions. Manuel is all I have left. Ana and Sofía are gone, Ximena betrayed me. My people are living in La Ciudad under the reign of an enemy queen, the sister of the man who took away everything from us.
“I don’t mean to hurt you,” he says softly. “But I need you to let me do my job. If I’m short or unwilling to talk, it’s because I need to concentrate. We both need to be prepared for the worst. I’m not going to coddle you.”
He’s telling me the truth—but not all of it. There was a time when he used to tease me, sneak me stolen food from La Ciudad. That’s the person I miss. I can sense that he’s keeping himself tucked away from me, blocking my way with an impenetrable wall. Leaving me out in the cold. “You used to be kinder.”
