“I studied marine biology in grad school. Orcas, to be specific. And later I worked with a team in the San Juan Islands for eight years studying and documenting their migration patterns. I loved them as much as you love your sharks. But then there was an accident.”
He paused and wiped his eye and Minnow wasn’t sure if there was a bug in there or he was crying.
“We were out on a rough day,” he continued, “like this, only way wilder and bitter cold. I was driving and there were three of us. Me, my research partner Sandra and an intern who wasn’t any good in the boat. He was always distracted and hanging over the edge and generally unaware of his surroundings, no matter how often you tried to teach him. I didn’t want him with us, but Sandra was his adviser and thought he could learn. We were looking for a pod of orca and Jimmy must have seen something, because he ran to the rail, yelled something, and as the boat slammed into a wave he went overboard. It all happened so fast, and I cut the engine, but it was too late. Sandra jumped in and we pulled him into the boat, but his neck had been cut open. He was already dead.”
A fever dream. “Devastating. I’m so sorry.”
He shook his head. “Devastating doesn’t even describe it. And itwas my fault. I knew the kid was a liability and I let him on the boat. Nice guy. Smart. But super impulsive. He would get so excited whenever we saw anything that you never knew what he might do. I should have listened to my gut, but I didn’t. You want to know why?”
She wasn’t sure she did, but he continued.
“Because I had a thing for Sandra and I let it cloud my judgment. Hell, she was married. I don’t know what I was thinking. But I knew she wasn’t happy and I had this fantasy that maybe she would leave him for me.”
He let out a breath and eyed her almost apologetically.
“It still doesn’t sound like your fault,” she said.
“Tell that to Jimmy’s parents. They sued the university and me personally, and I lost my job and had to sell my house to pay for legal fees. Of course I deserved it, but no one in the Pacific Northwest would hire me, and everywhere I went I got stares and whispers. His dad was the high school football coach and everyone loved him. Even though the judge ruled in my favor.” His hand on the cowrie was shaking. “Do you know what it’s like to have someone die because of you?”
“I do,” she whispered.
His eyes searched hers for more. Minnow met his stare but did not give him anything. She was still wondering where all of this was heading.
“It will live in me forever. I accept that, but it’s been rough as hell. Bad enough that I sold everything and came over here hoping for a fresh start. Leaving my orca pods was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I knew I had to get out of there or I might not survive. Sawyer and I were friends from high school and he offered me a room here while I tried to figure shit out—it’s their quiet season, so there were extra bungalows.”
As he spoke the wind died down and the night turned quiet. He hugged himself as though cold, rubbing his arms and shivering.
“How long ago did this happen?” she asked.
“Last year.”
Although their situations had been drastically different, she ached for him. That kind of guilt would gnaw on your bones until they were bare and white.
“I’m sorry that you had to go through this, but how does this relate to the sharks?”
“A couple months after I got here, Stuart Callahan died—talk about heartbreak. Then Hank disappeared. Two mornings later, I was approached by a guy at the Saltwater Bar who asked if I wanted to take a ride on the boat anchored in the bay, maybe see some whales or dolphins. It seemed a little odd, but the boat was nice and I figured, what the hell. I’d bought a fourteen-foot Whaler from the dark ages that barely ran, so I was drooling over the Robalo. He let me drive it, then asked if I would be open to making a deal.”
Oh, hell no!
“Said if I would be willing to land any big sharks in the area, the boat would be mine.”
Minnow stood up and backed away. “What the fuck, Luke? How could you?”
His face turned crimson. “He also offered an extra ten grand for any shark over fifteen feet. And fifteen grand for a white shark. I had just lost everything, Minnow, and this would have given me the boost I needed. I was desperate.”
Shame and guilt were smeared all over his face.
“So you said yes?”
He nodded.
Minnow wanted him out and away from her. “Just leave now. I’ve heard enough. This is disgusting, horrendous. You study sea creatures, for fuck sake. You’re supposed to protect them!”
He stood but didn’t move. “Obviously I was conflicted, but I convinced myself that it would be worth it.”
“Go!”she yelled, pointing.
“Please, I need to finish.”
