I get it. Take all the time you want. And in the meantime, if you need anything, just ask.
She looks at me, her eyes swollen from tears she never lets me see. I could really use a hug.
I wrap my arms around her, holding her tight and sending her all my healing thoughts. The solid feel of her body next to mine reminds me of everything we once had together. And everything I hope we can have once again.
26
THE GAUNTLET
CLEO
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE GAUNTLET? I ASK ANDY.
It’s Saturday, and we’re making our way back from my latest drug test in Minneapolis. Now the lab has samples of my blood, pee, saliva, and even hair, so maybe they can clone me. Although the world’s not ready for two Cleo Nelsons.
Andy and I are sitting in the backseat of an SUV driven by Ryan Wallace, a photographer and videographer from the Messenger. Everything today has been documented, with the exception of me actually peeing into a bottle. Apparently, we’re making the Cleo Takes a Drug Test documentary.
Are you referring to the gloves used by knights in medieval literature? she asks, because of course she’s going to know the literary origins of every fucking word ever.
What? No, I mean the hockey drill.
Ah, right. I keep forgetting that you’re exactly like Jack. Every road leads to hockey. Or sharks. She scrunches up her nose. What is the gauntlet?
It’s a drill where half the team lines up about five feet from the boards and forms a corridor. Then one player tries to stickhandle the puck down that corridor while everyone body-checks the shit out of her.
Andy winces as she makes a note. She has recorded every single thing I’ve said or done today. That sounds painful.
It’s the worst fucking drill in hockey. You’re black and blue the day after. And some asshole always has to show off and try to plaster you into the boards.
I thought there wasn’t body-checking in women’s hockey, she says.
There’s body contact. But I used to go to boys’ hockey camps, where everyone hit me extra hard, just to show me that I didn’t belong. That bullshit just motivated me more.
Seeing as Andy is still writing, I continue. Anyway, I’d rather go through the gauntlet ten times than be interviewed by you again.
Ryan, who has hardly said a word all day, snorts with laughter.
Andy beams at me. I think that’s a compliment, right? I’ve been very thorough.
Yes, she has. She’s asked me questions about my childhood, my family, my hockey career, my post-college plans, and way too much about my psychology. It feels like she’s gone into my brain and scooped out half of it. And she’s already interviewed my coach and Becks. I shudder to imagine what Becks has said.
Well, you’ll be relieved to hear that there are only a couple more topics to cover. Andy leans forward and asks Ryan, How much longer?
We should be back on campus in ten minutes, he replies.
Perfect. She faces me. Cleo, one important question is, why has this season been your best? You’ve scored more goals this year than ever in your career. Why do you think that is?
I nod. Yeah, that’s why people think I’m juiced, right? Well, this is something I’ve thought about a lot. I was good when I got here, but Monarch was a huge fucking adjustment. Coach Burton changed my game in a lot of ways. But I still had a great freshman year, stats-wise. I finished fourth in scoring behind two seniors and one sophomore, Ella Smith.
Andy’s phone is recording my every word. I assume she’ll edit out the F-bombs later.
If I continued to improve, I should have been battling Smitty for the scoring title in my sophomore year. But instead, she got injured, and I finished outside the top ten.
So, your sophomore year is the anomaly. What happened last year? she asks.
My brother. I had to look out for Jordan. First, he couldn’t handle the academic workload at college. Then he started having hockey issues. And once he got kicked off the team, I dealt with a lot of fallout from my parents. All that stress and distraction took me off my game.
Jordan had been my responsibility, and I’d failed everyone. But now I can see that take was stupid. He was a fucking adult who should have solved his own shit. Maybe that was the moment I should have told my family to fuck off.
