What’s up? I ask.
Jane coughs into her hand. I’m sorry, but Mr. Gordon has requested that you no longer attend today’s Athletic Council meeting.
I’m shocked. Why not?
You may be in a conflict of interest. I’m afraid I can’t say more right now, but he hopes to be able to explain further at a later date.
That’s very vague. Is it something that I’ve done? I assume that it has nothing to do with the men’s team, since Vik is still attending.
You personally have done nothing wrong. But her words are so careful and specific.
Will I be able to rejoin the Council later? It’s something I take pride in, as well as being a part of my bigger career plan. Also, the optics of being removed from Council would not be ideal for my résumé.
I’m so sorry that I can’t say more. As I said, hopefully the director will be able to talk to you at some point.
Since this conversation seems to be stressing Jane even more than me, I thank her and leave. I guess the tables are turned, as now I’m the one butting my head against the wall of confidentiality.
I head towards the gym, where at least I can fit in a quick workout now that I have no meeting. The door of Coach Norman’s office flies open and I almost walk into it.
Oh, sorry. Did I almost—
I freeze at the sound of Cleo’s voice. Why is she in my coach’s office? Does this have to do with me?
It’s fine. I walk away as quickly as I can, but it’s not like I can outpace another athlete.
She follows closely. Mats, I know you don’t want to talk to me. But we’re both here now and it will only take a few minutes.
I sigh heavily and turn. What were you doing in Coach Norman’s office?
It’s part of my apology tour. You were the first stop, but since you didn’t want to see me. She raises a shoulder in an expressive shrug. Cleo is wearing a navy coverall with her down jacket tucked under one arm. She looks exactly as she always does: fresh-faced and strong. Her blue eyes are full of hope. I have to look away, because it’s too much—the way she makes herself so vulnerable.
Why were you apologizing to Coach?
This is going to be ass-backwards if I tell you that, so let me start from the beginning. You were right, and I was wrong. I totally fucked up with my family. I’ve spent all this time resenting my mom and trying to make my dad happy. I’ve driven myself to play better, so he’ll finally realize that I’m the athlete he always wanted. But it could only ever be Jordan. Maybe because he raised Jordan or maybe because I’m not a boy.
I tense at the mention of Jordan, and Cleo nods.
Of course, you were right about him too. He didn’t tell me what happened between the two of you, but he showed me that he’s a racist in another way. I also realized how lazy he is. He could have gotten into another hockey program, but he didn’t even try. He’s not playing at all anymore, just partying and working at the job my dad got for him. There’s no way the two of you would ever have been in competition, and I feel like a fool for ever having believed him. About anything, ever.
She coughs and clears her throat. I feel awful that I vouched for him. That’s what I was apologizing to Coach Norman about. I believed Jordan when he told me about the name-calling incident in high school. I did check out his story, but I should have asked the opposition coach too. Maybe Monarch wouldn’t have admitted him if I hadn’t said anything.
I get a brief glimpse into an alternate reality where Jordan Nelson never came to Monarch. But would Cleo and I ever have gotten together without our early friction? You can’t go down that what if road, because one change in the past triggers so many new outcomes.
Are we done? I know I’m being harsh, but it’s too much to have to keep reliving all this crap with Cleo. I’m glad she knows the truth now, but it’s too late.
She moves closer, so I can’t avoid looking into her expectant face.
There were funeral potatoes at my mom’s party. Everything reminded me of you and how great it would have been if you were there. How much fun things are with you.
Cleo. Please, don’t, I say, because, as usual, she telegraphs her intentions.
But there’s no stopping her. Mats, I’m so sorry that I didn’t take your side right away. That I didn’t use my common sense. That I was a coward about confronting my brother. But I finally did it. I think you would have been proud. And that’s what I want now, to do things that impress you. Because you’re the best, the most righteous person I’ve ever known.
I take a breath. She’s saying so many of the things I wanted her to realize earlier, but it’s too late.
What happened with your dad? I ask.
Well, not too much. He didn’t say fuck-all when I told off Jordan, but he heard it all.
