This is the first time I’ve seen you act so much like your brother, Graham says. Excuse me? He thinks he can analyze our entire family? Well, he does have a front-row seat.
How so? I’ve always thought we were opposites.
Yes. Usually, that’s true. But Jordan’s weakness is blaming others when things go wrong. You’re usually the responsible one, he says.
I nod. So far, so true.
This isn’t your mother’s fault at all. She called Sean so they could present a united front. Both of them would tell Jordan to grow up and fulfill his responsibilities.
You mean pick me up?
Yes. Because, frankly, that’s the only thing Jordan was supposed to do for this party. Your aunts did most of the work.
I nod again, because Graham seems to be on a roll. I’ve never heard him talk this much.
But instead, Sean chose to take offence, like she was telling him to drive all the way there and back. And he took it out on you. And now you’re taking it out on your mother, who was only trying to model good parenting in the first place.
And the man who is not my father turns out to be the one who is happy to drive all this way to get me. That is deeply ironic, and also painful. Why didn’t I realize this before?
Okay, I’m with you on all of this. So, instead of Mom, I should be blaming Jordan, right?
Graham chuckles in his dry way. How about not blaming anyone? To really mature, you need to look inside yourself and determine if you could have done anything to get to a better outcome.
We drive along in another silence, but this time my mind is racing. What could I have done? Taken Mats’s side, of course. Even if it meant going against my family. But I love my family. The issue goes around and around with no resolution. Hopefully, seeing everyone in person will help me figure it all out.
How come you’re so smart about all this stuff? I ask.
He chuckles again, but it’s less irritating this time. Well, it is my job, you know.
Graham is a high school guidance counsellor. Never mind, thank God; he works at a private school in a neighbouring town. But he does have that Ned Flanders niceness of some high school authority figures.
Thanks for all this, I tell him, as we park in front of my mom’s house, since the driveway is already jammed. Not only the ride, but the advice too.
You’re most welcome. I’m flattered that you confided in me. He gives me a fatherly smile. Graham is divorced, but he never had kids, so maybe I’m as close to a daughter as he’ll get. Aside from the hundreds of students he works with, of course.
After talking to Graham, I take the big chip off my shoulder when I greet my mom. It’s a madhouse inside with all my mom’s family and friends. She’s the youngest of three sisters, so it’s not only my aunts and uncles, but their kids and grandkids too. Plus, my mom has friends from her book club, her hiking club, and her volleyball league. Both my parents are athletic, but it’s actually my mother who competed in volleyball at the college level. Our little house is packed with people.
Clee! My mother emerges from the crowd. She’s wearing a pretty dress with a pattern that looks like Monet’s water lilies. My mom loves dresses, and the family joke is that she wanted a daughter to dress up but got me instead. She holds me at arm’s length and takes me in. You look so lovely today.
I blush. Uh, thank you. It’s a new top. Well, not actually new, but new to me.
A very good colour for you, she says. I don’t thank her, since the compliment actually belongs to Mats.
Happy birthday. I hug her and kiss her cheek. Then I pass her a gift bag containing the necklace I found when Mats and I wandered down the main street of St. Viola.
Thank you, Clee. Should I open it now, or wait?
Now, of course. Because I can never wait for anything, even a reaction.
She takes the pendant out of the tissue and holds it up. It’s a silver chain with an aquamarine in a sleek silver setting.
Oh, it’s beautiful. Help me put it on. My mother turns around and lets me fasten the necklace. When she turns back, her hand is on the pendant. It goes perfectly with my dress, and it’s my birthstone. What a lovely present. Thank you, sweetheart.
There’s a little doubt in her voice, so I admit, I had help choosing it. A guy I know. I’m not sure how to categorize Mats now, besides a guy with far better taste than me.
Oh. Your boyfriend? The one that Jordan got all upset about?
I nod. When I see how nice the pendant looks on her and how Mats was able to choose it without even meeting my mom, I’m struck again by my loss. A partner who filled the gaps in me, on top of everything else we had together.
