I plow on with the chopsticks, and it doesn’t take long to get better. Soon I can manage everything except the rice, which even Mats admits can be difficult.
With Japanese food, you have the rice in a bowl that you can lift, so you can just shovel it directly into your mouth, he explains.
I’ve only had Japanese food once, on a trip to Minneapolis, I admit. Did you eat a lot of it while you were growing up?
Yes, but only in restaurants. My mother doesn’t cook Japanese food.
Of course, I should have realized that only Mats’s father is Japanese. Maybe I’ve been avoiding talking about race with Mats because of our awkward start, but I should be as straightforward as I am with anyone else.
Is your mom just… Canadian? I ask, and immediately wonder if that sounds dumb.
He answers easily. She’s half Swedish and half Irish. But when she worked, my Swedish grandmother often looked after us. So, I’m more aware of my Scandinavian heritage.
I have Swedish ancestors too, but I hardly know anything about my heritage, I admit.
My grandmother always told me how much more egalitarian things are back in Sweden, he remarks, which explains Mats’s respect for women’s hockey and women in general—not typical of hockey bros.
After supper, where I definitely ate the lion’s share, the waitress brings us the bill and fortune cookies.
A family member has a surprise for you, I read aloud. Knowing my family, that doesn’t sound like good news.
When I look up, Mats’s expression is wary, the way it used to be.
Cleo, I want to get one thing straightened out between us. His voice is suddenly tense. I’ve been assuming that, since you’re being so friendly, that you talked to your brother?
My full stomach suddenly twists. Of course, I’ve spoken to Jordan this week, and messaged him too, but he’s never given me any new details. It’s too easy for him to ignore me at this distance. Next time I see him in person, I know I’ll find out more. And, in the meantime, I’m going full speed ahead with Mats.
But now Mats—so conscientious and principled—wants to know if I’ve done the one thing he asked me to do: find out exactly why my brother got cut. Because Mats would have done it already. He’s not going to be happy when I offer up the same excuses again. It’s taken us so long to get to this good place in our relationship, and I don’t want to mess things up now that they’re going so well.
So, I cross my fingers and answer. Yeah. I talked to him. And we’re all good now.
He smiles at me, and I swallow. Well, it’s not a lie if I just backdate the receipts, right? I’m going to find out soon, there will be a good explanation, and everything will work out.
I crumple up the stupid fortune and eat my cookie.
After dinner, Mats drives me home. It’s probably too soon to ask him if he wants to come in and fuck. Because is this even a date? It’s kind of a Marjorie-related event. But it’s also our first time doing something completely alone together, and he seemed to be having a good time.
Thanks for coming out with me tonight, I begin, once we’re parked in front of my house. It was fun.
Mats nods. Yeah. The game was good too. You played really well.
Without thinking—as usual—I fling my arms around Mats’s neck and hug him.
Hey, I really like you, I mumble. Then I get out before he can say a word.
I’m putting myself out there. I want to be more than just friends, but apparently, I’m not ready to hear what Mats wants. Yet.
14
ALL GAS, NO BRAKES
MATS
I THINK THAT WAS OUR BEST EVENING SO FAR, I SAY AS WE DRIVE HOME FROM MARJORIE’S HOUSE. Tonight was the first dinner where I really felt relaxed, both because Cleo and I aren’t outright lying anymore and because she has my back now. We’re working as a team, so maybe that donation is within our grasp.
Hard agree, she says. Of course, I may be prejudiced because we spent so much time talking about my penalty shot. Who knew that teenaged Marjorie always wanted to have someone score a goal for her?
Cleo’s smile is dazzling, even in the dim interior light. She’s been radiating positive energy all night. I’m finally getting to see the real Cleo Nelson, and it’s easy to see why her teammates love her.
