We ponder in silence. Obviously, I don’t want to jeopardize a big donation, but I’m not committing myself to something toxic. I’ve developed a sixth sense about whether someone is racist, and Cleo has never set off any alarm bells. But now I’m not so sure.
Wait, do you remember Anastasia Bell? Zee asks.
I nod. The name sounds vaguely familiar.
She was a defenceman who graduated last year. Big and mobile. But more importantly, she’s Black. She and Cleo were both alternate captains last season, and I think they were buddies.
Sounds like Cleo and Jordan have nearly opposite personalities, I say slowly.
Yeah. Weird, right?
My brother and I have very different personalities, but at the core, I say, pointing to my heart, our values, our beliefs, are the same.
My family too. Zee also has an older brother, but he never talks about him. He’s even more private than I am.
Well, thanks a lot for this. I needed to talk to someone, and you’re the only person who gets it. Some of the matters discussed by the Athletic Council are like this; burdens that you want to get off your chest, but you can’t because of confidentiality.
Glad to help. And I don’t think you’re worried about Nelson, but we did the right thing. Racism and discrimination have no place in hockey, Zee says, with the most intensity I’ve ever seen from him. I’ve heard rumours that there was an incident in his first year of D1 hockey, and that’s how he ended up here.
I move to rise from my chair. Well, thanks again.
He reaches out a hand to stay me. Wait, there’s something else. So, you and Lana broke up?
Yeah. I sit back down. I’m surprised that he knows already since I’ve only talked to Sinc about it, and nobody else on the team has said anything yet. But it’s been almost a week, so maybe Lana’s friends have been broadcasting the gossip. After all, it’s good news for all the guys who want to date Lana. Or for women like Petra, I guess.
I was at a party on the weekend, and she came over to chat… in a friendly way. He watches me warily.
How friendly? I ask.
He scowls. Very.
I’m surprised at how much this hurts. It’s so soon. Yes, I’ve accepted our breakup, but that doesn’t mean my feelings for Lana are automatically erased. I still care about Lana, and seeing her with someone else will hurt. But seeing her with one of my teammates would be brutal. I’m not some caveman who stakes claims on my exes; Lana can date whoever she wants. But she always maintained she wasn’t interested in hockey players until she met me.
However, Zee isn’t your average hockey player. He’s confident, smart, and the best player on our team. He’s charming and well-dressed; in short, he has the kind of sophistication that would appeal to Lana.
He continues, I would never date a teammate’s ex, especially so soon after they broke up.
Zee is actually famous for not dating anyone longer than a few weeks, and Lana is all about commitment, so logically they could never work. But I’m beyond logic right now.
I try to keep the emotion out of my voice. That feels in character for you. You always put the team first. Back in junior hockey, when a guy dated a teammate’s ex, it always fucked things up: team chemistry, friendships, concentration.
I just wanted to warn you. It felt to me like something personal. I don’t know her well enough to say for sure, but that was my impression.
I thank him for the heads-up. If shit is going down, it’s good to be prepared. Lana is proud, so I’m sure she wants her next boyfriend to be someone better than me. She’s the one who told me that Mustang hockey players are at the top of the Monarch dating pyramid. Ridiculous.
Zee walks me to the door and puts a hand on my shoulder. All this bullshit will pass.
I nod as I put on my boots. Now I have all the information I can get. While I have friends on the women’s team, asking for their opinions on Cleo might cause gossip within their team. Besides, this is my decision to make.
A bitter wind chills me as I cross the yard to my house. As I walk in, Sinc grabs me by the arm and pulls me back towards the door.
There’s a chick here. She’s been waiting to see you, he whispers.
I hang up my coat and scarf. I wasn’t expecting anyone.
He lowers his voice even more. This is… weird.
Weird? What do you mean? I ask, but decide to go into the living room and find out for myself.
