She sounded…hurt? But that was it, right? That was what they agreed to, and they’d both stuck to that agreement.
He threw his hands in the air. “What do you actually want from me, Haddie?” he pleaded. “I said I was sorry. I gave you your space. And then last night…last night…” He groaned. “Why does my grief or lack thereof mean so much to you? You barely know me.”
“I don’t know, Levi,” she replied, more gently this time. “But you could maybe tell us why it meant so much to a judge.”
He tilted his head toward the ceiling and pinched the bridge of his nose. Then he straightened and let loose a long sigh. “Because my very public mistake is very publicly available for anyone to see. It’s not a story worth telling.”
“I haven’t seen it,” Haddie admitted. “Maybe I want to hear it,” she added, her tone softer this time. “From you.”
When he finally looked at her again, all accusation had left her eyes. And despite knowing that they were sitting in a room full of other people, at that moment, Levi felt like it was only him and Haddie. No one else—not Matteo, not his father—hadaskedwhat happened. They took what they saw as the whole story.
“Fine,” he relented, his voice as soft as hers. “You win.” He drew in a breath, and then he told her—and the group—everything.
Chapter 11
“There’s not much to say,” Levi started, and Haddie found herselfsliding forward on her metal folding chair, elbows resting on her knees and her chin in her hands. “A ref made a bad call on one of my players right before halftime, and I challenged it because it would have cost us possession of the ball that I knew we’d earned.” He shrugged. “The other officials confirmed I was right. Stuff like this happens all the time.”
Levi had been on both the winning and losing end of challenging a call. That was just how it went. It wasn’t supposed to get personal, and even if it did, he wasn’t supposed to react. “The clock ran out,” he continued, “and we broke for halftime, which should have been the end of it. But as we were heading off the field, that particular referee said something ugly about the player in question, so I decked him.” He cleared his throat. “The referee…just in case there was any confusion.”
This earned him a few sympathetic nods, a couple of soft laughs, but no one said a word, so Levi continued.
“Here’s the thing…” Levi cleared his throat as his chest squeezed. “Doesn’t matter how many times I tell myself I did it toprotect my player. I wasn’t doing anyone any favors by laying that guy out. And then social media made a spectacle of the whole thing, my arrest included.” Levi let out a bitter laugh. “I’m really just a selfish prick, right? And according to a judge and a court-appointed psychologist, an angry, supposedly grieving selfish prick at that.”
He was wearing basketball shorts and a purple Muskies T-shirt, and when he pressed his hands to his knees, Haddie caught a glimpse of the thin pink line that ran from an inch below his kneecap to an inch above it, a forever reminder of the night she knew—thanks to knowing Emma and Matteo’s history—Levi and Matteo had lost their mom. Was the judge right? Had Levi never processed that grief like he should have? But also, what the hell wasshould have? How could someone put rules around an impossibly painful emotion?
Levi’s jaw clenched as he continued. “That is the only time I’ve ever raised a hand to someone else. I am not a violent man, and I don’t condone violence as a means to any sort of end. It just…happened.”
“No,” Hope said.
Levi’s eyes darted toward her. “No? What do you mean,no?”
“I mean no,” she replied matter-of-factly. “You made a choice. It might have been a split-second choice, and in your head, you might have made yourself believe that choice came with noble intent, but it didn’t just happen.” Hope leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees as she pinned Levi with her gaze. “Why did the judge think you were grieving, Levi?”
“You already know the answer. You’ve seen the paperwork from my lawyer.”
Hope nodded sagely. “Why don’t you tell the group?”
He gritted his teeth. “I’m not the only one here, right? Why don’t you give someone else a turn?”
“Hope!” Haddie blurted out, literally launching herself out of her seat. “Come on. Give him a break.”
Levi didn’t look at Haddie, though. This time he kept his eyes trained on the woman who seemed to be holding him emotionally captive.
“Because it was the ten-year anniversary of my mother’s death, okay?” he relented. “And instead of being here with my father and brother to honor or celebrate her life, I was on the football field worried about a stupid play. Surprise. I’m just as much of a selfish piece of shit now as I was then. On the field when she died and on the field again ten years after.” He huffed out a breath. “This was a mistake.” Then he rose, stepped around his seat, and strode toward the door.
“It doesn’t count as a session if you don’t stay for the full hour!” Hope called after him, but Levi didn’t pause, didn’t look back, didn’t do a thing except keep on walking until he was out of sight.
Haddie chewed on her bottom lip, but she was already standing, so the next move was to go after him, right? She had no clue what she would say when she caught up to him.Ifshe caught up to him. She hadn’t seen his truck outside, but maybe he’d parked around a corner. Maybe he was already on the road heading who knew where. All Haddie knew was that she’d set the ball in motion for Hope to goad him into sharing before he was ready.
“I should…” She winced, glancing at the rest of the group who’d barely gotten started thanks to her and Levi. “I’m sorry foreavesdropping and leaving, but I just want to make sure he’s okay.”
Hope smiled at her, as did Tilly Higginson, and a few others nodded.
As Haddie crossed toward the other side of the circle, Hope gently grabbed her wrist before Haddie made it across the perimeter.
“Yeah?” Haddie asked nervously. “I’m so sorry. Am I supposed to pay you or something?”
Hope laughed. “Last time I checked, free was still free. Just…tell Levi that if he comes back next week andstays, I’ll put this session back on the log.”
