“It’s not as quick a job as I thought it would be, but they’re working on it.” She fidgeted with the hem of her shirt.
“But you believe me that I tried to get ahold of you, right? If that’s as far as this ever goes…” He motioned between them. “I need you to at least believe that I tried, even if I failed.”
His hands opened and closed where they hung at his sides as he itched to touch her but didn’t dare to make the first move.
“You said something about emails too. Ash… I never got any emails.”
He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. “I know I sound like I’m making all of this up, and I don’t know. Maybe I am. I drank a lot after you left, and what I swear I wrote in those early days…? I can’t find anything in my sent folder or in my sent texts. But it felt real. It stillfeelsreal, all those things I saidto you to try to explain…to try to create the outcome where I didn’t lose you.” He opened his eyes and sighed. “I don’t believe myself when I hear it out loud. So I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me either. But—”
“Youlovedme,” she said, realization in her tone. Ash could see now that her lashes were wet.
He shook his head. If he had any chance at all of getting her back, then he had to tell her the whole truth, as much as she was willing to hear.
“Not past tense, Willow,” Ash admitted, his voice rough.
She sniffled again, and this time a tear leaked out of the corner of each eye. “Call me Wills,” she whispered.
He cupped her cheek in his palm and swiped at another falling tear with his thumb.
“I still love you, Wills. I always have. And if there is even the slightest chance that you could trust—”
She pressed her hands to his chest, and her lips brushed against his.
“Are you sure?” he whispered, still afraid to give in to what he’d wanted every single day for four goddamn years.
“No,” she whispered back, her mouth parted against his. “I’m not sure about anything other than being terrified of how much I can still want you after everything that’s happened. But I want to trust what you’re saying. I want to trust that this isreal.”
“It’s real,” he ground out. “It’s always been real, Wills.”
“It’s always been real for me too,” she admitted. “But if you hurt me again—”
“Iwon’t.” He kissed her. “I’d trade my career before I hurt you again.”
She nodded, and not another word was spoken as he held her closer, kissed her harder, and hoped to hell she knew he was telling the truth. Ash Murphy would burn it all down before he’d ever break her heart again.
Chapter 12
Even though the ride back from the farmers market was less than five minutes, the silence in Colt’s truck—despite the four people sitting in it—felt interminable.
Willow leaned forward and placed a gentle hand on her brother’s shoulder as he slowed to a stop in front of the guesthouse.
“What are the odds we make it out of this truck and back inside without you doing the big brother thing I already know you did last night?” she asked with what she hoped was a mollifying tone.
To her sister-in-law’s credit, Jenna did grab her husband’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Willow had at least half her immediate family’s support.
“Slim to none after what I saw behind that tent,” Colt replied through gritted teeth.
“It’s okay, Wills,” Ash remarked from where he sat in the back of the cab beside her. “Whatever Colt wanted to happen last night needs to happen now. Then we move forward.”
Willow sighed, kissed her brother on the cheek, and then pivoted to face Ash. She thought better of putting on any sort of public display in her brother’struck. So she offered him a tentative smile, still not sure herself what to make of everything Ash had said…and the words she’d still been unable to say back.
“Come with me to check on the hens?” Jenna suggested, and Willow nodded with a sigh.
She hopped out of the cab and retrieved her guitar case from the bed, carrying it to the front porch of the guesthouse before following Jenna across the field to the chicken coop.
“I don’t really need to check on the hens,” Jenna admitted once they were far enough away from the truck that they could no longer see or hear what might be taking place between Colt and Ash. “I was already here before dawn collecting eggs for the market.”
“I know,” Willow replied. “But can we… I mean, if you’re going to tell me how stupid I am or what a huge mistake I’m making, can you just not? It’s not any different from the conversation I’ve already had a hundred times in my head, and it’s not going to keep me from worrying that the two men I care about most might be a hundred yards away kicking the shit out of each other because of me.”
