“I love you,” he says it again.
“Please stop,” I beg, refusing to open my eyes.
I can’t look at him. I can’t stare into his ocean eyes while he begs me to be his, knowing I have to refuse him.
His icy palms hold my face with such care it almost breaks me.
“I love you.” His voice is final, as if he’s made the decision for the both of us. I wish I could reach out and help him understand that it isn’t that simple.
He lifts my chin with his index finger.
Then, the pads of his thumbs sweep over my cheekbones, catching the tears as they fall. Leaning in, I feel the press of his lips against one cheek, then the other.
I encircle his wrists. I want to push against him, but my body refuses, holding me suspended between what I want and what IknowI need to do.
“Look at me,” he whispers.
I shake my head no.
“Look at me.” It’s not a request this time but a demand.
I peel my lids open slowly, taking him in. Wet hair is plastered to his forehead. His eyes are red, searching for mine, like if he looked hard enough, he’d find the words I can’t bring myself to say.
I want you, too.
Stay. Don’t go.
But all I can see is Anna. How, like a coward, I ran away. How I wasn’t there for her when I’ve known deep down, forweeks, that she wasn’t okay—that I’ve neglected her. Lied to her. Hurt her. She needed her brother, and Itookhim.
“What did we do?” I pant. “We broke her.” I hiccup.
“Gemma—” His voice cracks on my name.
“She needs you, Max. Why are you here?” My words tumble out. “Sheneedsyou!”
I can tell he’s struggling to compose himself, his jaw working. “Please, don’t do this. I—”
“I can’t hear it,” I cry, finally finding the strength to push against his chest. “I can’t hear you say it because I don’t deserve it.”
“You do, Gemma,” he tries, but fails. I keep my palms against his chest, but he won’t budge.
So I do the only thing I know how.
I push him away.
“Leave,” I say, pounding my fists against his chest.
“Gemma,” he pleads.
“Go! I don’twantyou here!”
He stumbles back. “You don’t mean that.”
My lip trembles. “Didn’t you see how much we hurt Anna? This can’t work. We’ll both lose her. And for what? This was just a fling.”
“Afling?” he says, stepping forward, crowding me.
“That’s all this ever was.” I sniffle. “It’s all we agreed to.”
