“I want you back, if you’ll have me.”
I clench my fists under the table, grounding myself. I try to tame the myriad of thoughts whirling in my mind before speaking.
“Lucas, what you did was disgusting. It was deceitful, disloyal, and it destroyed my trust in you. Not to mention fucking weird behaviour for a thirty-four-year-old man. You lied to me. You had my whole heart, and you shattered it.” My voice gains strength as the anger rises. “You don’t get to just waltz back into my life and expect everything to return to the way it was. I haven’t heard from you inmonths. You blocked me, dated other people—youmoved on. And now, so have I.”
His face hardens as he sits up straighter. “Wait, you’ve moved on? You’ve met someone?”
I can feel the shift in his demeanour, but I don’t back down. “This isn’t about that, Lucas. This is about you thinking you can just turn up when it suits you. Life doesn’t work like that.”
I watch his shoulders sag as my words sink in.
It’s tragic, really. After all the heartbreak he put me through, he’s only just now realised what he’s lost. But it’s far too late. The hurt in his eyes is unmistakable.
But I won’t sway.
Not this time.
All I can think of is James.
He’s the one who saw my broken pieces and helped me put them back together. He saw me slipping under and dove into the depths to help me. I replay the look on his face when I told him what we did was a mistake, and my stomach sours.
He’sthe one I want. The one I care about.
I sit up straight, take a deep breath, and after a long pause, reach over and take Lucas’s hand in mine. His skin feels familiar, but foreign, like I’m touching a memory rather than a person. I meet his gaze—those dark obsidian eyes that once held every promise I ever dreamed of. But they’re just blank now. Windows to a place I no longer belong. I’ve already moved towards James. Lucas may have realised he still wants me, but James makes me feel like I deserve to be wanted.
“Lucas, you were everything to me. I’ll always be grateful for the time we shared. You became my family when I had no one else. We built a beautiful life together, and I’m so thankful that I met you. We supported each other and brought joy into each other’s lives. You were my safe place, the one I cherished and looked forward to coming home to every evening …” I trail off.
“But you don’t want to try again,” he says, nodding in understanding. “I feel so incredibly awful for how I treated you, for what I did. Hurting you was the last thing I ever wanted. You’re so positive, and I think so highly of you. I hate the idea that I ended up having the opposite effect on you. It’s been on my mind every day.”
I shrug, offering him a small smile of my own. He continues, “I want you to know that nobody else has come along, and I don’t think anybody could.”
I close my eyes, his words slicing through me more sharply than I expected. If no one else could ever come along, then why did he do it? What was the point of it all? What was I missing?
And then it finally clicks—no amount of questioning will ever bring me the answers I was once searching for. I could spend the rest of my life trying to untangle the web of his choices, trying to make sense of why he threw us away, but the truth is, I’ll never understand. It doesn’t matter anymore. Because the fact is, he wanted other women. He’s a liar. It’s that simple. It doesn’t need to be deeper or more complicated. I’ve learned to accept that some things are just that—messy, senseless, and hurtful. And even if I could understand, it wouldn’t change the past.
It wouldn’t undo the pain, wouldn’t rewrite the nights I cried myself to sleep, or erase the self-doubt I’ve carried since.
Understanding won’t change the fact that he made a choice, and I was left to deal with the fallout. I can’t change what happened, but I can choose how I respond. Moving on doesn’t require forgiveness or forgetting—I can move on without either of those things. But at least now he sees the damage. At least now, he’s sorry. And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough to give me some peace.
I squeeze his hand gently, and he goes on. “I’ve always had this feeling … that we walked into each other’s lives at exactly the right moment, when we both needed someone to remind us we were worth something.”
I smile softly. “Yeah,” I say, nodding. “I like the sound of that.”
I look at him before leaving.Reallylook at him. For someone who exudes such confidence, I can’t help but wonder how lost he must feel inside. It must be a constant battle, fighting the need for external validation. I almost feel sorry for him.
I truly hope he finds what he’s looking for. But it’s not my place to see that it happens.
As I step out of the café, another truth settles in.
This isn’t over—not yet.
No matter how relieved I am to put the betrayal behind me, it’s only a matter of time before he finds out about James and me.
And when that happens, everything could fall apart.
Chapter 32
James
