Happiness tickles my heart, and I swear it doubles in size.
A phone notification chimes, and James ignores it, focusing on his meal.
Ping.Another notification. He glances at his phone briefly but continues eating. When his phone chimes again, I lock up. My gaze shifts nervously between my plate and his phone on the counter before flicking to James, and I catch him watching me curiously, his brows pressed together in concern before he quickly smooths his expression.
“It’ll be one of the guys,” he says, and I nod, cutting into my toast, pushing the sinking feeling in my gut aside.
After finishing our meal, we get dressed and head out to spend a lovely morning strolling through Hyde Park. We sip our takeaway coffee as we wander, pausing to watch the birds glide across the pond. We spot an empty park bench and take a seat, nestling in to watch the world go by. Children dance and play on the grass. Families fly kites that dip and flutter in the breeze, while packs of runners dash by in a blur, their loud footfalls slapping against the pavement. James drapes an arm over myshoulders, pulling me into his side. I lean my head against him and close my eyes. These are the precious moments I love sharing with him. This city is so busy, soalive, but with him, I feel calm. He wraps both arms around me and the bustling city noise fades into the background.
I trust James. Really, I do. But, for whatever reason, hearing his phone ping this morning set me on edge, triggering a surge of panic. That tight, squeezing sensation that grips my lungs and lights a fire in my chest. When it sets in, it’s hard to focus or catch my breath. It’s the second time I’ve felt this way since finding Lucas’s secret persona, and to be honest, it scares me. I don’t want it to get to me, because I know, deep down, that James would never act with self-serving intentions. I try to push the thoughts and feelings aside to enjoy the rest of the afternoon with James. I can’t let my fears intrude on my happiness. He’s been nothing short of perfect.
James places his hand under my chin tenderly, tipping my head back. He regards me, and I shoot him a small smile.
“I can practicallyhearyou thinking, gorgeous. What’s on your mind?” he asks as he scans my face.
I close my eyes, mulling over my thoughts to find the right words without making me sound psychotic. I don’t want to be the woman with trust issues. The woman who feels like she needs to check her partner’s phone or worry about what he’s up to. I never used to be that person.
I worry my lip in contemplation. His hand squeezes my shoulder affectionately before he pulls back, a flicker of concern crossing his face.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asks.
I think back to the conversation we had after I met with Lucas.This only works if we communicate. “You’re going to think I’m crazy.” I huff out a laugh. “I felt this wave of anxiety when your phone kept going off this morning. I don’t even knowwhy … my mind just flashed back to when I found Lucas’s phone, and …” I trail off, letting the words hang in the air.
James’s eyes fill with understanding, and he strokes my jaw softly. “April, you’re not crazy. What you went through with Lucas … I get why that would stay with you.” He pauses, his thumb brushing over my bottom lip. “But I need you to know that I will never hide anything from you. If there’s ever something that makes you feel uneasy, just tell me.” He holds my gaze. “I want us to have complete trust. You don’t have to worry about anything like that with me. I promise.”
A small, grateful smile lifts my lips.
I reach up, placing my hand over his and lean into his touch. “Thank you,” I murmur. “I know I don’t say it enough, but I really do trust you. It’s just … sometimes old fears sneak up on me.”
“I get it,” he says. “After how badly he hurt you, it’s only natural. Thank you for telling me.” He kisses me. “And if those fears ever come up again, just talk to me, okay? I’d rather know what’s on your mind than have you be alone and in pain.”
I give his hand a light squeeze. “Thank you.”
I’m relaxing on the sofa after work, an exfoliating mask working it’s magic to brighten my skin as I watch my show and sip on a glass of Peter’s homemade Rioja. Basil is curled up beside me, purring away happily. I’m running my fingers through his lush coat when my phone on the sofa arm lights up with a message. I reach over and swipe the screen to read James’s text.
It’s a mixture of random words and numbers that I can’t make sense of. My brows furrow in confusion as I try to decipher the message. I type out a reply.
Me:What’s this?
The three little dots appear before he shoots through a response.
James:It’s all my passwords.
My breath catches.
Me:Why are you sending me all your passwords?
James:I never want you to feel like I’m hiding anything from you. I’m sorry someone betrayed your trust before. Having yours means everything to me. I promise, I’ll work every day to prove I’m worthy of it.
My eyes shimmer with unshed tears as I read his message over and over. My lip trembles as I press the call button, needing to hear him. His phone rings twice before his smooth voice fills the line.
“Hey, April.”
“Hey, James,” I whisper back, my voice cracking. “I’m so sorry.”
“Hey,” he soothes. “You have to stop apologising. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
A wave of humiliation crashes over me, and I pull in a shaky breath. “I feel so embarrassed. You shouldn’t have to give me your passwords.”
