No. Too formal. She crossed it out.
Allegra,
If you're reading this, it means I had to go away for a while.
The words came stilted, flat. How did you explain the impossible? How did you tell your twelve-year-old sister that magic was real but terrible? That love meant sacrifice but not the kind in movies she loved to watch?
She tried again.
Ally,
Remember when you were eight and convinced there was a monster in your closet? I told you I'd checked everywhere and there was nothing there. That was the first time I lied to you. There are monsters. They just don't live in closets.
No, that was too scary. She crumpled the page.
Ally,
I'm sorry I can't keep our promise about beach days. Please don't be mad. Know that if I could stay, I would. I'd take you to every beach, every tide pool, every—
Her vision blurred again with tears she refused to let fall. She pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes until she saw stars.
One more try.
Ally,
Take care of Mom. I know that's not fair to ask, you're twelve and you should just get to be twelve. But she's going to need you. Be patient with her. She loves you so much, even when she gets lost in her own head.
Don't try to find me. This isn't something you can fix with stubborn determination and purple ice cream. Some stories don't have happy endings, but that doesn't mean they weren't worth telling.
I love you more than all the stars you can see from the beach.
Briar
She folded it carefully, wrote Allegra's name on the outside. Then another sheet.
Mom,
This one came easier, anger making the words flow.
I understand now. What you did. Why you did it. I forgive you, but I need you to forgive yourself too. Allegra needs you present, really present. No more guilt. No more looking over your shoulder for monsters that already collected their due.
I made my choice. Same as you did. We Delarosa women, we do what we must for those we love.
Don't let Ally blame herself. Don't let her think she could have done something different. And please, don't tell her about the forest until she's older. Let her have a few more years of believing the world makes sense.
I love you.
Briar
Her hand cramped as she wrote more: letters for birthdays, graduations, weddings. For Allegra's 16th, for her first heartbreak, for when Mom got scared. Each one felt more defeated than the last, but what else could she do?
The laptop screen had gone dark and she ran her finger across the trackpad, bringing up her last search. On impulse, she typed:how to kill a goblin king
The results were all fiction. Games, movies, books where heroes won through cleverness or courage or magical swords. There was nothing for a twenty-somethingbarista with iron that wasn't pure enough and love that wasn't strong enough to break anything but her own heart.
The mark pulsed harder, almost sympathetic. She glared at it.
"Shut up."
