John frowned. Did she know what he was to say? Did she care that much? Nevertheless, putting off unpleasant conversations was something at which he excelled. He and his brother were proof of that. That was a reckoning years in the making.
Cupping her elbow, he led her from the dining room. Montague and Sutton were standing at the doorway to the parlor, and when they saw them, peeled away to meet him at the front door.
“Leaving so soon?” Montague asked.
“And with no supper, either.” Sutton looked horrified at the thought.
“Have no fear.” John took his hat and coat from a footman, then turned and helped Netta into her spencer. “I ate.”
Pink crept up Netta’s neck, but John didn’t have time to enjoy it.
“We need to talk,” Montague said. He glanced at Netta. “Perhaps Miss LeBlanc could wait for you at your home.”
“While I languish in boredom here waiting for your guests to depart before we talk.” He shook his head. Netta’s and his conversation was more important. “If you insist on this discussion”—one they had chewed over endlessly before—“come over after your party. I’ll ask cook to put on a pot of coffee.”
“Very well.” Montague bowed over Netta’s hand. “Miss LeBlanc. I hope you had an enjoyable evening.”
Her flush crept higher. “Quite enjoyable indeed.”
Sutton bowed over her hand next, and John frowned.
“Enough with the petting.” He removed Netta’s hand from his friend’s and tucked it securely at his elbow. “I’ll see you both later.”
He handed Netta into his carriage and followed her in, sitting beside her.
“Your friends are most charming,” she said.
“Is that so?”
“And quite handsome, too.”
He swiveled his head to glare down at her. “I’m so pleased that you find my friends to your liking.” If his tone wasn’t enough to show his displeasure, he crossed to the opposite seat, dropping down heavily.
She stretched across the divide and grabbed his sleeve. He let her tug him back to sit next to her.
“You do enjoy your sulks.” She rested her head against his shoulder and sighed. “And I enjoy poking at you. But let’s not do that now. Not when it might be our last quiet moment together.”
His stomach dropped to the floor. “Do you see our time together ending so soon?”
She was quiet a moment. “Everything has an ending. And I fear our conversation will be the beginning of our end.”
They rode the rest of the way in silence. His mind churned. He didn’t like endings, not unless he instigated them. Did she not wish to continue in his company unless there was a job? He blinked, the back of his eyes burning. Did she see so little value in him except for his blunt?
He didn’t want to believe it, but what other explanation was there? He’d rebuilt the Summerset fortune, he took any ballroom by storm with his sly manners and unparalled footwear, but truly, what else was there of him? He no longer assisted his country. He was too cowardly to experiment with chemicals again. And no one would accuse him of acquiring moral worth through benevolence to others.
His heart thumped, making his chest feel strangely hollow. He’d achieved what he’d set out in life to become. Wealthy. Powerful. So fashionable no one could ever look at him with disgust again.
He dug a knuckle into his breastbone. How absurd those ambitions now seemed.
They rolled to a stop in front of his home and a footman pulled the door open. John stepped out then turned to hand Netta down. The top of her head just came to his chin, and even though her spine was infused with steel, her womanly curves looked as soft and delicate as spun sugar.
Realization hit him like a hammer. Whatever her reaction to his past exploits, he couldn’t involve her in his present one. She was vulnerable, and he’d rather lose everything than see her come to harm.
He almost laughed at the irony of it. In order to offer hercarte blanche, to keep her in his life, he’d need his wealth. And in order to keep his wealth, he needed her for his scheme. Something, apparently, his newfound conscience wouldn’t allow.
At the door to his study, she pressed her knuckles into her lower back, looking as threadbare as he felt.
He replaced her hand with his own and rubbed away her ache.
