“My income would remain the same. I would lose no society that I care about.” Sitting on the desk, Julius stretched out his legs. He swirled the dark liquid around in its glass. “It isn’t myself that I’m worried for.”
“Yes, the women mentioned would face scandal.” Amanda pressed a hand to her uneasy stomach. She placed the letter on the desk, something elusive tugging at the edge of her mind.
“I will have to warn them, of course.” He sighed. “Normally, I’d be most concerned about how such information would affect my betrothed. Frankly, however, there is nothing the blackmailers could say about me that would affect you more than what has already been said.”
Her heart stumbled to a stop. “Betrothed?”
Julius drew her to stand between his legs, resting his hands at her hips. “Hanford wrote another piece in today’s paper. He accuses us of having an affair. No matter how much I deny it, the damage is done. I’m sorry.”
“Yes, I saw it.” She filled her lungs, trying to breathe through the pain. Her happiness was so close. She never thought Julius would offer for her. It was monstrously idiotic. And wonderfully kind. And she could never accept. Not when he was pressured into it. She wouldn’t be another prison.
“You did?” Running his hands up and down her arms, he pulled her closer.
“Yes. As did Lady Mary. She congratulates us on our nonconformist lifestyle, by the way.” Amanda rested her hands on his shoulders and stretched her lips wide. “And nothing in that paper means we must wed. As you say, my reputation could go no lower. There is nothing to preserve.”
She kissed his cheek and tried not to cry. “Now stop being silly and tell me what you’re going to do about the men who tried to kill you.”
A spark of hope flared to life in his eyes and slowly faded. “This isn’t something you can dismiss so easily. Besides”—his Adam’s apple bobbed—“marriage wouldn’t be so bad. It can’t be much different than as we are now, living together, in the same house. Only it would be forever.” A bead of sweat rolled down his hairline.
Was he trying to convince her, or himself? Either way, he wasn’t doing a very good job. She patted his cheek. “There is no need for us to be swayed by public pressure.”
“Forget public pressure. Your brother-in-law will insist.”
“And I will refuse.” She stepped away from his warmth. This conversation was a dagger to the heart. She remembered the desperate look in Julius’s eyes when she’d tied him to the bed. The anger and loathing. If she gave in to her heart’s dream, she would face that look every day of her life. She cleared her throat. “But I won’t inflict my reputation on my sister and brother. I’ve been thinking that when they return I should travel abroad. Take up residence in a foreign country where no one knows me. I’m sure Marcus would be more than happy to pay for my upkeep outside of England.” Liz’s reputation was already tarnished by having such a sister, but the distance would help. Marcus was too pragmatic not to acknowledge and want that.
Unable to look at Julius, she shuffled through the other letters on his desk. She returned to the blackmail letter, wondering what about it struck her. Something gave her a feeling of familiarity. And if she focused on that, she wouldn’t have to think about everything she’d just given up.
“Amanda—”
“What’s this? It mentions my name.” She held up a creased missive, cutting off whatever argument Julius’s honor felt it necessary to pursue.
He grunted and, with a sigh, took the paper from her hand. “One of my fellow members at Simon’s. He has an idea for a bit of sport, as he calls it. He wants the infamous and revolutionary Miss Wilcox to come speak about reform tomorrow night. He’s reserved the main meeting hall and had the rules prohibiting women from entering the premises suspended.” Julius cocked his head. “I know Bertie thinks it would be a scandalous lark to have you speak to the members, but I was thinking it might do your agenda good. The members are influential in politics. You might convince some of them.”
“You want me to go to your club?” The back of her throat shriveled to dust, and she swallowed. “To speak in front of a large group of unfriendly men? Men who now know that I’ve been intimate with you?”
“When you put it that way, it sounds unreasonable.”
“What other way is there to put it?” Amanda’s voice squeaked on the last word. “This isn’t going to happen.”
“But you’ve started going out of doors …”
“And I will keep trying.” She reclaimed the letter, folded it, and stuck it down the front of her bodice. Out of Julius’s sight, hopefully out of his mind. What on earth was he thinking? “But I’m going to get my feet wet by wading into the ocean, not jumping off a dock.”
His eyes tracked her movements and centered on the covered bundle at her breasts. “Fair enough.” He reached for her and drew her back close. “You were talking of removing my wet, smoke-ridden clothes before, yes?”
Tucking her hair back behind an ear, Julius leaned in and took her lobe into his mouth. He bit down lightly.
Amanda swayed closer. Sliding her hands under his coat, she rubbed his firm chest. His clothes had pretty well dried by now, and Julius had warmed up nicely. Still didn’t mean she wasn’t going to take his clothes off. She loved the contrast of his hard muscle covered by the softest of linen shirts.
Her gaze drifted to the desk. And the blackmailer’s letter.
No. Julius was doing unspeakable things to her ear, tingles were lighting up all over her body, and she wasn’t going to waste this moment wondering why that letter had caught her attention. Besides, that was Julius’s concern. Her concern was to eke out as much pleasure as possible from what remained of their relationship.
He traced the rim of her ear with his tongue, then plunged inside, the moist caress making her shudder. She tilted her head, offering him a long expanse of neck.
He accepted the invitation. He pressed soft lips down her throat as he undid the top two buttons of her dress. When he reached a particularly sensitive patch of skin, Julius scraped his teeth across it and sucked lightly.
Amanda dug her fingers into his shirt. His mouth. Julius had the most amazing mouth. She let her eyes slit open, and her gaze fell on the letter. The haze that had wound its way around her mind dissipated. What was it about that damn letter? It was like there was an itch on her brain that she couldn’t scratch.
