“I want to feel you, deep inside me.” Positioning herself, she rubbed the head of his cock along her folds. She shuddered from the luxuriousness of the sensation. “We can do that from this position, can’t we?”
“This is a very good position.” His eyes met hers, dark brown orbs surrounded by a circle of green, like moss crawling across wet earth. He jerked his head towards the side of the bed. “The linen pockets are in the chest. I’ll tell you how to tie that knot, too.”
She laid his length against his stomach, and slid her folds against the velvety ridge. She was so wet, and she didn’t know if it was her or the oil. “I want to feelyou.” She let the pleading enter her voice, even though she was supposed to be the one taking what she wanted. But she couldn’t take this. “You. Not a piece of treated linen. Can’t we just this once—”
“It just takes once.” He shook his head. “I will not get you with child.”
Amanda’s cheeks heated. “But other men have … I have never come down with that condition. I don’t know that it’s possible for me.” She’d never voiced that particular fear before. The fact that no children had come from her previous encounters had always been blessings. As it should still be now. She would never marry, and if she wanted to have lovers, her inability to carry a child was a benefit.
But she couldn’t deny there was a small part of her that would love to carry Julius’s child.
“And you don’t know that it isn’t.” His voice hardened. “I can’t take that chance.”
The chance that he would be burdened with her. A flicker of pain fluttered to life behind her breastbone. “What about if you tell me when you’re close?” She eased just the head of his cock into her body, wanting to slam down and take him whole. She wouldn’t, but the want remained, bone deep. “You tell me, and I’ll—”
“I said no!” Julius roared. With two turns of his wrist, he pulled his right hand free. Jackknifing up, he pushed Amanda off of him and twisted around to untie his other hand.
Amanda widened her eyes. “How did you get out?”
“You tie knots like a two-year-old.” Pushing off the bed, Julius paced around the bed. He rubbed his wrists, breathing heavily. “What were you thinking? You know I won’t enter a woman without protection.”
“I said I’d pull off of you. I just want to feel you skin to skin.” Amanda rolled off the bed and looked for her chemise.
“If you want nothing between us then bend over the bed. Your training with my jades is about to bear fruit.”
Amanda’s jaw dropped open. “Are you suggesting …” She couldn’t even finish her thought. Yes, he’d been preparing her body. But she’d be damned if she let him take out his anger in that way. Picking the shift from the bench in front of his bed, she dropped it over her head.
“Changing your mind?” Julius stepped close, his muscles coiled tight. “Is that something you’re not comfortable with yet?”
“I understand your point,” she said coldly. “All you had to say was no.”
“From my position, it didn’t look like you were taking no for an answer.” Sweat glistened on his shoulders. Heat rolled off his body. “Are you trying to trap me? Tying me to the headboard wasn’t enough for you?”
Amanda rubbed her chest. The flutter of pain had turned into a flock of birds all beating their wings in unison. “What are you saying?” He couldn’t possibly think she’d tried to deceive him into marriage. He knew her better than that.
“I don’t know, Amanda.” He ran a hand through his hair. “You see your sister making a conquest of a duke. You think you can secure a title, as well?”
“No,” she whispered. The room spun around her, and she blinked, trying to find her center. She licked her lips. “I have no hopes of ever marrying, much less marrying a gentleman.” Picking up her dress, she looked for the right end of it. She gave up and held it to her chest. “Even were I to become with child, I have no expectations of you. I’m sure Marcus would settle me comfortably abroad, so you needn’t have worried.”
Julius narrowed his eyes dangerously. “No expectations? You don’t think I would take responsibility?”
Amanda turned her back. He didn’t believe her. Didn’t know her at all. “I think we’ve said all that needs to be said.” She picked up her slippers and cradled the whole mess to her stomach. She hoped no one was about, because she wasn’t going to waste time in dressing.
He let her leave without another word. She ran for her room, tears streaming down her face. She locked her door and leaned back against it. Her pile of clothes tumbled to the floor.
She was a fool. Thinking that Julius could ever develop feelings for someone like her. She was a fallen woman, a disgrace. And it was time she remembered her place.
Throwing herself in her bed, she pulled the covers over her head and cried. She couldn’t remember ever wanting anything so badly as she wanted Julius's affection. Not even her freedom when she’d been imprisoned.
Hope was a demanding mistress. Amanda could at least thank Julius for ridding her of that burden.
Chapter Seventeen
Julius kicked his friend’s leg. “Wake up. I didn’t ask you here so you could get your beauty sleep.”
Sutton jerked awake and wiped the back of his hand over his mouth. He stretched, and the carriage they were sitting in rocked from side to side. “What? I was just resting my eyes.”
“Uh huh.” Julius stared out the mesh curtain into the grey morning light. He and Max had been parked across the street from the headquarters of Feathered Friends since four that morning. After finding Allan’s body, they had searched the offices of the building they’d chased him from.
