Except, he hadn’t quite rejected her. She cleared her throat. “What about Sarah? She can serve as my lady’s maid.”
“Sarah is gone, as well.” Sweeping his hand towards her bed chamber, he guided her inside. Her stomach quivered at the intimacy. He blocked Reggie’s entrance with his leg. “Not you, whelp. Off to the kitchen with you. Get some breakfast.” He shut the door in the dog’s face. Reg gave one indignant yip, but Amanda knew his heart wasn’t in it. The dog thought with his stomach and had quickly learned the words ‘breakfast’ and ‘kitchen’. ‘Nuncheon’ and ‘dinner’, too. The clatter of toenails on wood confirmed that Reggie was eager to get downstairs to the generous cook.
Julius strode to the window and thrust the curtains apart. He cracked a glass pane open. “I assure you I’ve had considerable practice helping women dress. I’ll do for your needs until Mr. Carter finds replacements for the servants.”
“But … you can’t help me dress.” Amanda clasped her hands tightly in front of herself. “It would be highly—”
“Improper?” Julius raised one eyebrow. “I thought we’d dispensed with all pretense of propriety last night.”
Yes, she supposed they had. Amanda fingered the trim of her wrapper. There was a growing hole in the lace that Polly had never seen to. Four months ago, Amanda wouldn’t have noticed. All she had known was that she no longer wore filthy rags. Prison had stripped her of many things, including her modesty. But a lifetime of breeding crept back. “All the servants have left?”
“Not all.” Julius opened the wardrobe and tossed a clean chemise onto her bed. He ran his hands through her dresses. “About half. Enough to keep us fed and bathed. I told Carter there was no rush hiring replacements.” He pulled out a forest green gown. “This will do,” he said, holding up the dress to Amanda’s body. “It brings out your eyes.”
Wrapping her arms around her waist, Amanda stared at the carpet. “My eyes are brown.” Was the man that oblivious to her existence? She knew every detail about his person, down to the slight crook of his little finger on his right hand. He didn’t even know the color of her eyes.
Cupping his fingers under her chin, he tilted her face up. “A beautiful brown, as rich as my morning coffee. And when you become angry or agitated, small flecks of green bubble to the surface.” He traced her upper lip with his thumb. “I know what your eyes look like, Amanda.”
She stopped breathing. Every swipe of his thumb sent chills racing down her spine. His normal polite reserve was gone, perhaps forever after last night’s indecent request. Had he changed his mind?
“You called me by my Christian name. That’s the first time you’ve done so.”
Stepping aside, he laid her gown over the back of her dressing chair. “I’m here to help you dress. I think the time for formalities has passed.” He raised an eyebrow. “Unless you wish me to ask the cook to assist you?”
“No.” Clenching her fists, Amanda tried to dredge up her courage from the night before. She still wanted an affair with Julius. Still needed to prove to herself that her father hadn’t broken her, hadn’t stolen one of the most basic functions of womanhood from her. And that required allowing Julius access to her body.
She sucked in a deep breath. “No. You will do fine.” She grabbed the belt of her wrapper.
Julius made it easy on her, and turned back to the armoire. Picking a crumpled blanket from the bottom of the wardrobe, he folded it into a neat rectangle.
She shucked her wrapper and night rail and slid the cotton chemise down her body. “I’m, uh, I’m covered. Ready for my stays.”
Picking up that garment, he turned back to her. His eyes flared but his steps were steady as he approached. She raised her arms, but he made no move to drop the underbodice over her head.
“Julius?” She followed his gaze. Her nipples were hard buds under the thin cotton. She started to lower her arms.
“Keep them up.” His voice rasped against her eardrums, sending a spark right to her core. Her breaths became short. Her breasts felt heavy, achy, just from the touch of his gaze. She prayed for him to touch her in earnest.
The gods must have heard her plea. Julius cupped her breast, his thumb circling her nipple.
Amanda shuddered. The chill from Polly’s forgotten morning fire a distant memory. The cotton began to abrade her sensitive flesh. It burned. It made her want to coil herself around Julius like a snake.
It made her want to lose control.
Stiffening, she took a step back and dropped her arms. They stared at each other, each breathing heavily.
“Another test?” she whispered.
“No. Perhaps.” He ran a hand through his nutmeg hair. “Or perhaps I merely enjoy torturing myself.” He gripped the underbodice tightly, his knuckles white. “Have you withdrawn your request?” It gave her a perverse pleasure that his voice was as affected as hers.
She shook her head. “No. I want it. Want you. But … it was just too much.”
He exhaled, long and deep through his nose, his gaze never leaving hers. Holding up the stays, he motioned for her to turn around. He slid the garment over her arms and smoothed it down her body. “I apologize for my behavior. I sometimes forget that you’re a green girl.”
She couldn’t hold back the bitter bark of laughter. “Green girl? You do know my history. I am far from innocent.”
The first jerk on her laces jolted her back into his chest.
“You’ve had experience with abuse, with betrayal. You’ve no experience with the pleasures a real man can give a woman.” Working from the bottom up, he tightened the stays. Each tug stole a bit of her breath.
