I break our gaze and look back at the foaming water, dotted with the tiny wet heads of jumpers who surface looking invigorated, reborn, alive.
What would it be like to feel that?
I’ve never taken a risk like that before—I barely takeanyrisks, which Tyler knows. So why the hell he’d bring me here as part of our adventure day is beyond me.
“You only have to be brave for two seconds,” he promises, reading my mind as he’s squeezing my shoulders. “Just two. One second to step forward, one second to push off. Then you’re in the air, then in the water, then it’s done, and youdid it.” He gives me a little shake. “Think of how awesome it’s going to feel when you finish doing it. Focus on that feeling and you’re going to be fine. When I did it with Lucas, I honestly felt like I was on top of the entireworldafter.”
“What if something happens to me?” Hysteria creeps into my voice. “I don’t know what to expect with this. If I’ll be okay. Ifsomething will go wrong. I don’tknowany of this, Ty.” As someone who lives and dies by plans and controlled outcomes, this is going against the very fiber of my being. Every nerve ending in my body is practically screaming at me not to do it. To play things safe, like I always have.
Look where that got you,my brain whispers, but the dig is carried away with the sound of the wind from the ocean whipping against my ears.
Tyler lets go of my shoulders and takes a step back, the sunscreen smell drifting away with him and leaving my chest feeling strangely hollow. “I’m not going to force you to take a chance on something, Olive. That’s all on you. Like you told me”—his eyes shine with something unreadable—“it has to be a choice you make for yourself, not for me or for anyone else.”
Before I can process the subtle dig or the unreadable expression behind his eyes, he takes another step away from me and turns toward the cliff. My muscles move of their own accord, an invisible force tugging me toward him as I reach out for his shoulder, wanting to delay the disaster. Every cell in my body desperate to keep him on solid ground with me. “Ty—”
But he sidesteps my hand and takes a running leap, catapulting himself off the cliff. My panicked heart sails right over the edge with him, watching him fly toward the churning turquoise waters below.
My stomach feels like it’s bottoming out as his body disappears out of sight, me shrieking Tyler’s name and nearly jumping off after him. If I thought having to survive without Tyler after ourbreakupwas hard, my brain nearly blacks out imagining having his entire existence wiped from the world.
Tyler. You have to save Tyler.It feels like I’m having a sensoryoverload, mind whirling with a million different possibilities.Where is my phone? Why can’t I reach my back pocket? Why isn’t anyone around us helping me?Instead of getting assistance from any Good Samaritans, I’m getting nothing but concerned stares as I struggle to suck in a breath, my limbs feeling numb.Tyler. I have to save Tyler.I almost don’t want to look over the edge, scared I’ll find blood or a cracked head or a severed limb or nothing—which would be much, much worse. Even the kids have stopped running around with the dead gecko, eyeing me with concern.
My brain scrabbles for purchase on any one idea when suddenly there’s a peal of laughter coming from the churning ocean below, followed by a triumphant yell. I force myself to open an eye and peek over, where I spot Tyler, paddling without a care in the world.
“See?” he shouts up at me, waving one hand in greeting. “I told you it would be fine! Now it’s your turn.”
My knees buckle so hard that I practically sink to the ground with relief that he’s safe. “You almost gave me a heart attack!”
“You almost gaveyourselfa heart attack,” he clarifies as he starts swimming parallel to the rock face, toward the shore. “I told you from the beginning that it was going to be fine.”
After a few more seconds of swimming, he’s started climbing up the rocks toward me, and I have to step away and close my eyes to center myself. If the thought of Tyler careening into the churning ocean was scary, picturing him cracking his head open on the slippery, wet rocks on the way back up is even worse. Desperate for something to focus on to distract myself, I envision the small tattoo inked into Tyler’s skin, flexing along with his muscles in the sunlight, crashing into the water alongsidehim…Okay, maybe this isn’t helping calm my heart rate much at all.
Tyler’s soft voice startles me out of my daydream when he meets me back at the top of the cliff, standing next to me again on the ledge as we stare at the water together. “You don’t have to do it,” he says gently, bumping my shoulder with his. “Not if you really don’t want to.”
“I really don’t want to.” My body still feels like it’s buzzing from the adrenaline comedown of watching Tyler plummet off the rocks. Thinking of doing it myself seems totally out of the question. Tyler shrugs and heads over to his discarded pile of things, scooping up his wallet and car keys and T-shirt wordlessly.
“It was worth a shot,” he chuckles as he turns away from me, heading back the way we came. “I thought you’d changed a little since we’ve been apart, but you’re still the same old Olive.” He says it with an affectionate warmth in his voice that definitely isn’t meant to be insulting—I mean, helikedme that way—but it still makes me bristle.
I took a risk coming to surprise Jack, didn’t I? I did something so uncharacteristic, going against my carefully thought-out plan and following my gut to Hawai?i instead. I’m five thousand miles from home, with nowhere to go and no place for me to be, but I’m here, I’m adventuring, I’m exploring. I left my coveted planner in my suitcase. I’m standing on a bunch of lava rocks on the edge of the ocean, tasting the salt in the air and feeling the spray on my cheeks andliving.
I got my heart broken again and I’m still standing.
My feet move automatically, kicking off my flip-flops. I slide my phone out of my back pocket and hand it to Tyler, who is now staring at me suspiciously. “What are you doing?”
I fight the urge to roll my eyes. “What does it look like I’m doing? Might as well check offgets heart brokenandgoes cliff-jumpingin the same trip, right?” Even though I’m now shaking with both fear and the urge to feel the wind against my skin, I try my best to hide it. Not that it works against the first love of my life.
Tyler’s expression morphs from suspicion to concern. “I was only teasing you, Olive. You know you don’t have to do this—you said you didn’twantto do this. So please don’t.”
I cross my arms and stare at him, the ocean sending a salty spray up like little kisses against the back of my calves. “I thought you told me I should take a risk?”
“I did!” He pockets my phone and runs his fingers through his hair, looking as distressed as I felt earlier. “I did, and I do still think that. But exploring the island without following an itinerary is enough of a risk for you; I know that. You don’t have to prove anything to me.”
I tilt my chin up defiantly. “You’re right. But I’m still going to do it.”Because while I may not have to prove anything to you, I have something I want to prove to myself.
I’m more than a girl filled with checklists and plans. I’m more than the carefully thought-out life that I laid down for myself. Sure, I still want those things—but I can still reach back into myself and pull out Old Olive every now and then, the one who loved midnight slushy runs and movie nights and slinging greasy pizza with the boy who once held her heart.
Tyler’s bravado is gone, his expression fully worried now. “Olive. Think for a second. Do you really want to do this?”
“Absolutely not.” My answer is immediate and from deep in my gut. Once he hears it, Tyler shakes his head and takes astep toward me on the rock, reaching his hand out to brush my shoulder.
