A year ago, I thought I knew the answer. Now I’m not so sure.
Jack and I are growing distant, and even though I keep telling myself that we’ll fix this, that I know we will, because he’s my boyfriend and we have aplanand everything is going to be okay, the edges of the hole of panic in my stomach only stretch wider.
It’s just some long-distance hiccups,I try to reason with myself.It has to be.
Because I shattered Tyler Ferris’s heart for this. It has to be worth the cost, or I’ll never, ever forgive myself.
Part Two
Arrival
Chapter Thirteen
The flight eventually does what all flights do—land—and the next step in everyone’s journey begins.
When the dinging of the seat belt sign stirs me out of my sleep, I rub my eyes and look at Tyler. He’s carefully looping his headphones and putting them away, an unreadable expression on his face. Still feeling weird about how we left everything, and with the confusion swirling in my stomach, I opt to say nothing and put my tray up quietly instead and tuck my planner back into my backpack, zipping it up.
After an uneventful landing (during which several older passengers clapped, which I almost made a joke to Tyler about but saw his still-stoic expression and decided not to), we’re suddenly standing, grabbing our bags from overhead, and shuffling single file out of the plane until we meet outside the gate and regroup. We walk side by side in awkward silence, following the crowd toward the exit, hovering in each other’s vicinity but not speaking. At first, I think Tyler is going to jet off as soon as he’s able to, getting as far away from me as possible, but he shortens his steps to match my stride. My heart blooms with a gushy warmthwhen I notice, the walking in tandem a familiar sensation from when we used to weave through the halls together at school.
See?my brain points out to me, rather unhelpfully.Being around Tyler feels like muscle memory.
No,I retort in my head, because I’m definitely delirious from traveling and starting to lose my mind a little bit.It’s just that he’s like half a foot taller than me, and I have tiny legs and he knows it’s rude to leave me behind.
If you say so,my brain sighs. Or maybe I’m hallucinating that, too. Who’s to say, after my emotions have been a jumbled mess for the last half day?
Tyler and I manage to make it the entire way to bag check without saying a word to each other, but once we’re both standing there watching luggage spin on the carousel, he finally speaks.
“I hope you have a good time.” It looks like every word coming out of his mouth pains him, and he doesn’t take his eyes off the conveyor belt. “With Mr.Two—with Jack.” He coughs into his fist awkwardly, not meeting my eyes.
“Thanks,” I mumble, reaching out and grabbing my suitcase as it glides past. He helps me pick it up, setting it next to me and finally looking me in the eye as we straighten up. And maybe, just for a second, I believe that he doesn’t actually mean it, that what I hear in his well-wishing isn’t honesty but regret.
“It was nice to see you again, Olive. Even if just for thirteen hours.” His smile is sad, and I awkwardly bump his shoulder with my fist for something to do. But once I make contact, Tyler shakes his head and wraps his arms around my shoulders, pulling me in for a hug. I make a little squeak of surprise before wrapping my arms around his waist and squeezing him back.
For a second, I feel like I’ve stepped into that alternate reality I was daydreaming about earlier—the one where Tyler and I are a couple on a trip together to visit his family, one where the bag check isn’t where we’re about to split up and likely not cross paths again until graduation. His hoodie smells like a mix of his spicy cologne, salt and vinegar chips, and stale airplane air.
“You have a good time, too,” I mumble against his chest, slowly inhaling his scent, feeling thrown back in time. For a second, I close my eyes and let myself enjoy it. “Give Lucas and Ella my love, and give their daughter a kiss for me.”
“Will do.” He steps back and breaks our hug, my heart panging in disappointment, as he leans over and grabs his own bag. “Take care of yourself. And have a good time exploring the island. Still have my number if you need me?”
“I do.” I think of his name sitting in the contacts list in my phone, the little pizza emoji next to it as an inside joke after all our time spent together at Suburban Slices. The emoji I never had the stomach to delete even long after I walked out of Tyler’s life.
I do have it, but I won’t need it.
Now he throws up a shaka, signalizinghang loose,and locks eyes with me as he takes a few steps backward, ready to head out. I stare back and feel my stomach drop just slightly, gripping the handle of my luggage tightly and not quite sure that I like the feeling of being the one walked away from this time. Tyler’s eyes stay locked on mine for as long as he can, before he turns a corner and disappears out of sight. I’m surprised at how sad I feel watching him go, like I hadn’t spent the last year not seeing, speaking, or talking to him. There’s less time than that between now and graduation.Relax, Olive. You’ve done this before, and you managed to pick up the pieces after.
Tyler’s disappearance is a shock to my system, dragging me back to the reality I’m in and not the daydream that I was thinking about. I’m now standing here alone, in an airport in Honolulu. A portion of it is open air, all dark wood with spinning fans lazily pushing around the warm island air, palm trees swaying in the breeze. It’s a stark difference from New York, where everyone was cold and cranky and bitter. Here, airport staff walk around in brightly patterned Hawaiian shirts, arms adorned with fresh, fragrant leis, smiling and cheerfully making conversation with anyone they walk past. I admire the scene as I’m powering up my phone and deciding who I should call first—my mother or Jack.
I start with my mother, giving her a ring to let her know that I’ve landed safely.
“That’s great, honey,” she coos over the phone, pots and pans clinking in the background. It’s 2:00p.m. here, which means it’s 8:00p.m. on the East Coast. “I’m about to clean up dinner. How was the flight? Anything eventful?”
“Just some turbulence.”And an accidental run-in with the ex-boyfriend whose heart I shattered,but she doesn’t need to know that. My mother knowing that I spent the entire flight next to Tyler Ferris would open a can of worms that I’m not equipped to deal with when I’m this jet-lagged and stressed out. “Nothing eventful.”
“Glad to hear it. Is Jack at the airport getting you now?”
“He’s on his way.” Another lie, because as much of a hopeless romantic as Mom is, I think even she would disapprove of my Surprising Jack plan. As far as she knows, he’s expecting me and is excited that I’m coming. “I’m going to head to the exit and meet him out front. I’ll call you later.”
“Sounds good—love you, Ollie. Hope you have a great time out there.”
