“I don’t think you’re fragile.” Greta trailed her fingers over Kaelee’s bare arm. “Even without the family intrusion, I think you’re having a lot of upheaval in your life. The book deal isgoodstress, but that doesn’t mean it’s not unsettling. The stuff between us has been unexpected, and in some ways emotional.”
“True. I know you realize I don’t let people as close as you are, not in my life and my bed.” Kaelee looked uncomfortably vulnerable. “Thank you for… everything, really. I was freaking out yesterday, and then I was here with you, and I felt like you were putting my pieces back together and that you didn’t mind. I always feel like that with you, like you don’t mind the ways I’m fucked up.”
“We all have scars. Like physical ones, yours are sometimes obvious when we’re naked, but they aren’t a reason to overlook all the beauty.” Greta kissed her softly. “Your heart is beautiful, and your mind is irresistible. You’re smart and smart-assed, and you make me relax. None of that goes away just because you have some trauma.”
“Trauma that means I have hangups with sex,” Kaelee amended.
“Yes, but yours aren’t hangups that make me change how I see you.”
“You actually mean that, don’t you?” Kaelee frowned slightly. “I usually just keep my limits in place, and a lot of women are fine with it, being a princess and letting me touch without being touched.”
“Iliketouching you, but if you genuinely don’t want my hands on you, don’t want me to get you off, I can learn to adapt.” Greta pulled her hand away. “I want you to be comfortable, and I feel like it’s a gift when you let me closer.”
“I do like you touching me. I feel… safe with you.” Kaelee lifted Greta’s hand in hers and pulled it back to her side. It was a nonsexual touch, but Greta felt like it was also an admission that these sorts of touches, affectionate and casual, were welcome, too.
“We can order room service and spend the day here. Read, watch a show, and have sex if you want.” Greta smiled at the fact that they were here at all. “Or we can go down to the restaurant for breakfast and walk around the city. There’s a tour of the City Hall Tower that takes you up to see the city. It used to be the tallest building at one point, built early 1900s, right at the turn of the century, I think.”
“History nerd,” Kaelee teased with a laugh. “I swear sometimes that you are everything I could want if I ever wanted to get serious.”
Greta felt like something squeezed her heart, a too real reminder that she already felt something serious. “I’ll be here if that happens. Right now, I’m happy to be friends who have a weekend away together, but if that changes… I wouldn’t object to trying it, trying us with intentions.”
“I thought you didn’t want that,” Kaelee said with a look of confusion plain on her face.
Greta kissed her quickly. “Some rules can be broken for the right person. I’m notaskingfor that, but if you wanted to… date with a plan for the future, I’d say yes. You feel like a once-in-a-lifetime person, Kaelee. I decided I won’t refuse the possibility if it happens. If it doesn’t, I’ll still be grateful for what wedohave.”
Then Greta slipped out of bed with a murmured “Dibs on the bathroom!” and gathered up her toiletry bag.
23Kaelee
Kaelee kept replaying Greta’s words over the next couple of days as they spent their long weekend in Philly.Could we date without an endgame? Could it be this easy?The only marriages she’d seen were ones like her parents’ that were about one person surrendering all their power. At least that was all she’d seen until Toni and Addie… but they weren’t even married yet.Dating leads to marriage, and marriage is a cage.Kaelee didn’t want that, not for herself or for Greta.
The truth, however, was that Greta and Kaelee fit together in a way she hadn’t ever imagined fitting with another person. Whatever was growing between them was more than sexual compatibility. Casual dating already seemed too light for what she felt.
And that terrifies me.
Greta says we can stay casual.…
The problem was that Kaelee felt too much. Already.
Tonight, they were at a restaurant and afterward, Kaelee had possibly the cheesiest surprise in the world planned. She’d told Greta to wear a dress she could move in, and Greta had not disappointed. Even though it was the end of November in Philadelphia, Greta had packed a calf-length red wrap dress with a wide ruffle at the hem that crept up the front of the dress to where it tied at herwaist. The sleeves were long and tight, and the neckline plunged so that it almost met the knot at the waist that held the whole thing in place.
“You’re quiet tonight,” Greta pointed out gently. Her bracelets and earrings sparkled in the low light of the restaurant’s faux oil lamps.
“I realized that I’ll miss you when we separate at the end of the trip.” Kaelee sipped her after-dinner coffee. Her sleep had been erratic the last few nights between nightmares and the middle-of-the-night sex that Greta happily agreed to when Kaelee woke her. “I don’t remember the last time I missed someone. I mean, my grandparents. I missed them when they died.”
“Luckily there’s phone service where I’ll be.” Greta smiled in thateverything will be alrightway she had, and it was almost enough for Kaelee to believe her. “Whatever happens between us, I want our friendship to be permanent. That means calls, texts, emails, and visits.”
Kaelee frowned. “So what makes a friendship a relationship?”
“Intentions. Dating means youintendto have a future together. Dating and relationships are building on the hope of marriage and forever, creating a life together.” Greta sounded so sure of herself. “I went into my last relationship hoping for forever.”
“But?”
“Tasha panicked and cheated.”
“What did you do?” Kaelee had watched her mother ignore her father’s nonstop affairs like they were simply inevitable. She ignored his demeaning remarks the same way and eventually became his instrument—passing that derisive rhetoric on to others.
Greta glanced down at the table briefly. “I told her I forgave her and suggested therapy.” She looked up. “And she moved out instead. She wasn’t ready for sharing a place or marriage or even sure she was queer at all even afterwards, except at oneAMwhen she called and we hooked up. For the record, I stopped doing that before I met you.”
