Do we really think that’s all it’ll be?her fears whispered.
“That helps make sense of things, Addie,” Kaelee said. “Thank you.”
Addie frowned. “Why do I think you took exactly the wrong conclusion from this?”
Whatever happened, Kaelee would do her best to shield all her friends—includingGreta—from it. Maybe it was time to reconsider her life. Maybe it was time to move on. There were too many wonderful people who could be at risk, including the couple talking to her, the friend who drank with her, and the woman who sent Toni to rescue her. She had good friends, and Tripp would hurt any or all of them to get to her.
18Greta
THANKSGIVING WEEK
At first Greta thought the simple texts from Toni that Kaelee was safe and fine might be the end of it, but Toni—who was not a fan of phone calls at the best of times—called the office the following Monday. Before she took the call, Greta walked over and closed her door.
“How is the book going?” she tried.
“That’s not why I’m calling,” Toni countered bluntly and quickly. “And you know that.”
Greta sighed. “I know. I am in the office right now, and I can’t really t—”
“You don’t need to say anything that anyone will overhear.” Toni cleared her throat. “I honestly can’t decide which of you to lecture more. I already spoke to Kae since she was in my house after you sent me to fetch her.”
“I do appreciate that, you know. I realize it was probably awkward, but thesituationwas unplanned. It was a surprise to both of us,” Greta stressed, watching the world through the glass of her office windows. “When I found out who she was, that was the end of the rest.”
“Wasit the end, Greta? I thought you both texted all the time, or was Kae lying to me about that? I sure as hell don’t get daily ‘good morning’ texts from my editor. And no one I’ve met in the business so far gets them.” Toni sighed, paused, and Greta could tellshe was reining in her temper. “This thing between you is very clearlynotover, Greta. You and I can both see that.” Toni already sounded strained, like she would literally prefer any other topic. “Kae’s a lot more fragile than she admits.”
“I know.”
“She has feelings for you, and I heard the panic in your voice the other night. You have feelings, too. This could get messy. Trust me when I say you don’t want to get stuck in some media storm like Addie and I did.”
“Iknow,” Greta said again.
“Get in front of it, then.” Toni paused. “Tell Em. And then can we please never discuss it again? Both of you need to stop this. You cannot text all the time and then tell me you’re not getting allenmeshed. You should stop this before one of you gets hurt.”
“I’m meeting Emily for lunch today, just so you know.” Greta sounded small to herself, but she still added, “If you want to sell the new book to someone else—”
“I’m not stupid, Greta. I don’t think you suddenly stopped knowing how to edit because you… because you both… you know. You didn’t take advantage of her. I know that, and I know she didn’t take advantage of you either. She has feelings. Youbothdo.”
“We agreed that was not the case,” Greta said tightly. “No feelings.”
“Right. That’s exactly how feelings work, isn’t it? You just say, ‘No feelings here.’ You’re smarter than this. I’m not an expert, but IknowI made a lot of stupid mistakes running from how I felt about Addie.” Toni made a grumbling noise. “You get that I’m not a fan of all this gooey talk, right?” Instead of letting Greta answer, Toni carried on without pause, “What I’m trying to say is don’t fuck with my friend if you aren’t willing to be all in. You both have too much on the line.”
“I’m very much aware of the risks to her career and mine,” Greta countered in a low voice. “I offered her a new editor.”
“I’m not worried about yourcareers. Seriously, Greta? You’reboth smart and talented, and you did nothing wrong because you weren’t aware of the business part.” Toni sighed loudly. “I’mworriedabout two people I like who will get hurt if they don’t get their heads out of their asses.”
“She is my friend. The other thing is over.” Greta didn’t add that she wanted more, but she wasn’t sure that was a secret right now.
“Sure.Friends.You both keep saying that, but I heard your feelings the other night, and Addie plucked Kae’s feelings right out of her while I sat there trying not to hear it. I had to hear things about you that I would like to bleach from my memory. Just… be careful. Be smarter than I was when I was falling in love and in denial,” Toni said, and then in her usual abrupt way, she added, “That’s it. Goodbye.”
Toni disconnected without waiting for a reply.
For several moments, Greta sat there rolling over the things that Toni was intimating. Was Kaeleeinthis emotionally, too? That seemed to be the opinion Toni held. Greta had also felt like Kaelee wasn’t as casual as she claimed to be, butKaeleehad repeatedly insisted that she didn’t date, that she didn’t want that. Even if she did have feelings, Kaelee had made herself clear on the topic of relationships, and Greta had to respect that. She couldn’t fathom risking everything with another woman who wasn’t ready for love. It had taken her two years since Tasha to even want a friend with benefits. Now, though, Greta was thinking about more.
I just want a home with a woman who loves me. I want to laugh and make love and share each other’s life.
The dream sounded so simple: true companionship, intimate connections, and lasting love. The fantasy of finding that—or losing it—was the heart of an entire industry of music, film, books, advertisements, and journalism. That hope of finding someone who made the load lighter and the miles shorter, the nights safer and the days brighter, drove billions of people to consume media telling them the impossible could happen. Sometimes, Greta would admit, it seemed so statistically unlikely that finding and keeping love could happen.Finding love was hard enough, but making it last? That was beyond impossible.
But it’s what I want.
