“Same on the not-a-locked-door part of you.” Greta smiled. “I like this being honest and getting to know you.”
Kaelee wasn’t going to admit that this openness was unique to Greta, not when that led to taboo thoughts. Instead she simply said, “I should grab coffee so I can be awake for the ride home.”
As she was turning away, Greta said, “Ian is a great editor, you know. If he takes on your book and—”
“Could we have sex if I was his author?” Kaelee asked.
“We shouldn’t.” Greta crossed her arms over her chest, like she was trying to shield herself. “I’m still the acquiring editor and…”
“Then what would I gain by switching?” Kaelee stared at her. “If I could still be with you, I’d consider it.”
For a moment, she thought the answer would change. She thought maybe Greta was really as into her as she seemed, but she shook her head.
“The deal announcement goes out this week,” Greta said. “I will still be listed as the acquiring editor in it. Not Ian.”
“That’s the plan,” Kaelee said flatly. “Lots of people become friends with their editors. We just are starting there. No big deal.”
They exchanged a look, but neither of them pointed out that they started out as a lot more than friends. Neither of them pointed out that they were both mourning their loss. This was it, then. The end of what could have been.
Kaelee fixed a smile on her lips and gestured for Greta to walk with her.
Friends. We’re good.
She told herself that it was enough even though she knew it wasa fucking lie. She wanted it all: friends, fucking, maybe forever. Being with Greta had been the closest to content that Kaelee had ever been, but she wasn’t enough for Greta to be willing to find a way to make something work between them.
Maybe I will never be enough for anyone.
15Kaelee
MID-NOVEMBER
Even though they were no longer having sex, Kaelee still woke up with Greta on her mind most days. Before she even rolled out of bed, before coffee, before the gym, she thought about Greta. Sometimes it was Greta Her Editor, who was asking about cover copy—the words on the book flap—or opinions on a bunch of fonts for her name on the book, but mostly it was Greta Her Friend.
Greta:If you had one superpower?
Kaelee:Teleportation.
Greta:Really? You could have anything. Breathing underwater, flying, telepathy.
Kaelee:Nope. Don’t want to read minds. I can get a ticket for a plane. I want to pop from one place to another.
Greta:I want an eidetic memory.
Kaelee:Nerd. Smartphone. Take a picture of the file. Boom, perfect recall.
Greta:Nerd? Ha! How many degrees do you have?
Kaelee smiled at that. Their exchanges were always light, and one part of their conversation was a long-running Q and A about everything. On some level, Greta Her Friend, Greta Her Editor, andMarie Her Lover were three distinct sides of Greta, and the horrible truth was that Kaelee realized that she actually liked all three of them.
She’s everything I could want in a woman.…
At least when they were several hours apart, Kaelee found it a lot easier to avoid the temptation to drop to her knees and worship Greta. There were a few too many nights—and mornings—whenMariein all of her writhing, moaning beauty was the memory Kaelee thought about. A few times, Kaelee had debated asking if phone sex was off the table, but she knew that answer.
And it was the right answer.
She knew that, too. So she put in a few more gym hours than she used to. More weights. More cardio. More sweating out her stress. Kaelee debated finding someone to fuck, but she didn’t want anyone else. She didn’t want someone she couldn’t let walls down with. Kaelee wanted her friend.
Unfortunately, she’d learned years ago that the surest way to destroy a friendship was to fuck. She wasn’t going to deny that she looked at her newest friend and weighed the thought far too often. Even when she was at the gym, campus, or at the bar with friends, as she was tonight, Greta was on her mind.
