“Well, yes.”
Toni gave her a look that was both amused and pitying. “Kae, I say this with all seriousness, if you want to see her when you’re in town to get your fix, do it. Meet her. Get her naked. Leave. It’s not like you do anything different just because it’s the second night.”
“She’s just sexy and smart, and I let her…” Kaelee flushed but forced herself to continue, “I let down some walls with her.”
This time Toni stared at her kindly. “So see her one last time and then get out if you don’t want more.”
“I’m not a relationship person.”
“Oh, me either. I said that right up to when I was at risk of losingAddie.” Toni’s expression shifted into something raw and fierce, and Kaelee could easily see why so many women stared ather. Toni was a surly woman socially, but she was charm personified in a classroom or interview. Kaelee suspected she was even more so on a date.
No wonder Addie is so happy.
In some ways, Toni was as much role model as friend. She was more masc than Kaelee, and her attire reflected it. Kaelee knew from the past that shecouldwear a skirt comfortably at one point, but these days, she was more at ease wearing trousers than dresses, more comfortable leading than following, and admittedly, she was fond of waking up with a woman who looked like she’d need a stylist to control her morning-after hair if she was feeling reckless enough to stay overnight.
Someone who looks like Marie.
“Don’t deny yourself joy, Kae.” Toni caught her gaze. “See the businesswoman. Enjoy your time, and then if you’re afraid you might catch feelings, bail.”
“I don’t catch feelings,” Kaelee stressed. “Settled lesbians are as bad as ex-smokers or ex-drinkers. Just because you fell for someone doesn’t mean the rest of us want to start U-Hauling.” Kaelee took a small step backward. “I accept you, soon-to-be married and all that, but don’t go flinging your get-wifed-up curses at me.”
The leftover smile from Toni’s laughter made her look uncharacteristically approachable. “Next week. Addie will be gone for work, and we’ll grab a drink. I need to ask you a very important question about whether you want to be in my wedding party or Addie’s.” She paused then and glanced at her watch. “Any news on the book? You know if youneedto talk, especially about that, I’m here.”
“Bound manuscripts are out, so as of this time next week the first group of strangers will be reading it.” Kaelee scowled. “Wait. Back up. Wedding party?”
“I need a second person. I wanted to ask you, but Addie says she should get to ask you, too. She might be messing with me because I didn’t do it yet.” Toni frowned for a moment. “That’s good about doing bound manuscripts and ARCs.”
“That’s what Emily says.” Kaelee realized she sounded as anxious as she felt.
“Em is typically right about everything,” Toni said lightly. “Don’t tell her I admitted that, but… she’s rarely wrong.”
“It’s different for me than for you, I think. Iwantthis career.” Kaelee felt foolish admitting it, but that was the crux of the matter. She wanted to sell this book and dozens more in the future. She wanted the powerful agent. Toni had bumblefucked her way into a writing career, and a TV adaptation of her book. Her goals had been different, and Kaelee had watched her struggle with a surprise second career.
“If the book reaches readers, Em will sell foreign rights and more books. This is just step two or three. You got an agent. You sold two books. Now? You just need readers to find it.”
“And if it doesn’t work?” Kaelee asked.
Toni shrugged again. “You write a new one. Sell it or self-publish. Finish your PhD. Don’t focus so much onwhat if x or y goes wrong. It’s a good book or Em wouldn’t have signed you. She’s practical. She won’t make money if it doesn’t sell well, and you were going to go toauction, Kae. You’re fine.”
What if no one likes it once it’s on shelves? What if it sucks? What if they read the ARC and then hate it so much that the publisher cancels it? I can’t do this and—
“Whatever thoughts go with that face you’re making, stop them,” Toni cut in, hand lightly resting on Kaelee’s wrist now.
“Does the panic ever get easier?” Kaelee stared at her mentor.
“Not so far,” Toni muttered.
“Next week, lunch. Maybe drinks. I will need to vent and tell you I’ll be in your wedding.”
“Done.”
“Give Addie my love,” Kaelee said lightly. “Tell her I fully intend to admire her bridesmaids, so she needs to pick a pretty one for me to walk with.”
“Just don’t be looking at my bride. Everyone does that, and Iswear she finds my reactions funny.” Toni made a surly noise. She was absurdly possessive of Adelaine, which was occasionally hysterical to watch. Toni’s fixation was never in a controlling way, but in awhy does everyone keep trying to talk to my womanway. Addie, for her part, seemed to think the whole thing was adorable.
If Kaelee were the relationship sort, she’d look at them as a model for what she might want, but she was perfectly happy with her no-strings life. She liked the women she bedded, and she liked that none of them wanted more. She liked that none of them asked about her job or family. Everything was kept on the surface. They could talk casually about music or shows or food. It was a choice, one necessitated by her original surname—which she had changed for privacy years ago—and her family.
“I expect you to keep me posted on news on the book,” Toni ask-ordered. “Em won’t update me, so text me when you get reviews or anything.”
