“So was I.” Addie stared out the window at the planes lined up at their jet bridges. “And yet I wasn’t an asshole.…”
“Addie,” Toni tried.
Addie continued to stare out the window, but now her foot was tapping in the air.
“I was wrong,” Toni added. “I handled my shock poorly, and I was wrong to word it that way.”
“I’m staying in the guest room.” Addie glanced over. “Not a hotel.”
“Yes.” Toni bit back the temptation to suggest she could share her bed. That was what had gotten them in to this mess. They had to step back, reassess, think this through clearly. She nodded. “That makes sense.”
“And youknowthis wasn’t my fault, so being an asshole to me isn’t fair.” Addie’s eyes were bright with unshed tears, and her voice was wobbling with some combination of anger and sorrow.
Angry women, crying women: they were hard to face.Justifiablyupset and angry ones were worse. Knowing it was entirely Toni’s own fault was the absolute worst, though.
Toni held open her arm to invite Addie closer. “I was wrong. You should yell at me when we don’t have an audience. I was completely out of line, and I’m sorry I spoke to you that way.”
“You hurt my feelings.”
“I’ll do better,” Toni promised.
Addie practically threw herself into Toni’s arms, despite the seat arm between them. PDA was far from Toni’s comfort—at least this sort of PDA. The occasional exhibitionism she could support, but Toni was not generally a fan of nonsexual affection with people in public or, honestly, in private. This hugging, cuddling thing that Addie liked was not Toni’s usual way of acting with women, even those she was sleeping with, but Addie was upset right now.
And it’s ultimately my fault, so I have to fix it.
“It’ll get sorted out,” Toni said. “And while it does, I swear I’ll do better.”
Addie sniffled. “You better.”
Someone nearby snapped a picture, flash making the moment impossible to ignore. This was their reality now, apparently. The pressfor the show all featured Addie’s face—for obvious reasons—and Toni’s picture took up half the back cover on dust jackets.
“Don’t overreact,” Addie whispered before settling back in her own seat. She put her sunglasses back on and stared out the window.
Toni decided she was less okay with the fellow passenger taking their picture than she’d expected. She angled her body, putting her back to everyone there and blocking Addie partly from sight—and from any more photos. When Toni glanced down at Addie, she noticed her slight smile.
“My hero,” Addie whispered.
There was no way to reply to that. Toni was a lot of things, but hero wasn’t one of them. They were in the news because of her mistakes. They were fake-married because of her. And Addie was stuck in DC because of her.
Toni was certain that she was nowhere near a hero, but it felt good to have Addie look at her that way all the same. It was a helluva lot better than the hurt and anger she’d aimed at Toni earlier. The worst part, though, was that the sight of Addie’s forgiveness made Toni want to tell her that she wasn’t misinterpreting the way Toni looked at her in the photos. Toni was feeling things that would only lead to pain for Addie, and it made Toni want to run. She needed time to think, space to rebuild the walls Addie had destroyed.
Instead I’m going to need to cope with having her in my home without letting myself think we could last.
That was the real reason Toni didn’t want Addie in her home. Toni was already falling for the vivacious, talented women shooting her secretive smiles. Having her in Toni’s home was just asking for trouble, complications,feelingsthat couldn’t last.…
Addie’s life was in LA; Toni’s was in in DC. Addie was healthy and wanted love; Toni had a not-insignificant chance of ending up like her mother. This thing between them would end. Ithadto.
Chapter 32Addie
The flight was blissfully short, but Addie had noticed several passengers looking at them.Do they know something? Recognize us?The average American only read a few books a year at most. The show, however, had ads on billboards and on the sides of buses. Addie had no idea whether they were looking at them because of the scandal, the show, the fact that they looked like they were together, or just the fact that they were women in first class—which typically was filled with far more men than women.
“Are you okay?” Toni asked as the plane bounced along the runway.
“Fine.” Addie had on the smile she wore around her parents and men who aggressively hit on her. It didn’t look anywhere near real, and she knew it.
Toni opened her mouth like she was about to reply, but she didn’t. She closed it and stared at the flight attendant until it was time to stand to deplane. The people in row one grabbed their bags from the overhead, and Addie tried not to flinch as she took in the tense set of Toni’s jaw.
Addie wasn’t sure what to say. She wasn’t about to admit that she felt self-conscious deplaning with Toni. She didn’t admit that she’d never flown first class, although the flight was short enough that it didn’t matter that much. She thought about mentioning that it wasnice to be up front, where fewer people were able to stare at them—but she didn’t really want to talk about the media debacle anymore.
