“I met you as a broke college professor, then?”
Toni chuckled. “Painfully so.”
“And your mom…”
“She’s getting the care she needs now. We’ve had our issues over the years. I was a tomboy, very politically outspoken, and a feminist lesbian…” Toni paused, weighing how much to admit. “If you could letter in sex, I’d have been a star athlete in high school. My mother was mortified. I was not awantedpregnancy, and I wasn’t a wanted child.”
“I’m so sorry.” Addie squeezed her, a hug of sorts. “Did you end up closer to her as an adult?”
Toni snorted. “No. I fought with her, mostly about my louse of a father, but he had her wrapped around his finger. She had a hit song before she got pregnant. Did a little touring. Then he wanted her to be a fifties-style homemaker—which was painful. She was a terrible cook, could ruin laundry randomly, and was justmiserable.And my dad? Gambled away her royalties every time they came.”
“He’s gone, though?” Addie prompted after a few quiet minutes.
“Yes, but he took a loan against her house, credit cards that she cosigned, and ran up so much debt that even with selling the house, she was deeper in debt than I could pay off in a decade.…”
“Until the book deal,” Addie filled in. “Yousavedher, Toni.”
The awe in her voice made Toni feel marginally better about telling her everything. “I did what I had to do. That’s all. I paid her bills, and since he’s gone, he can’t make new ones now.”
“Have you told her about the show?”
“No. She’s not a big fan of lesbians, or rather, she never used to be.” Toni wasn’t sure she’d told anyone this much about her childhoodin years. Possibly ever. Here or there, things came out in conversations, but straight-up telling someone was new. “Anyhow… so I wasn’t expecting all of this to happen, but it’s erased Lil’s debt. And I met you.”
“My parents are a different sort of mess.” Addie shook her head, tickling Toni’s chest as the tendrils of hair slid around.
“You told me some in LA.” Toni couldn’t imagine anyone not getting along with Addie or feeling lucky as hell to know her.
“Right, well, they project their drama onto me. I guess the good news is that I think I became an actor as a result. I had a lot of practice pretending to beperfectly okaywith whatever their latest drama was.” Addie huffed in remembered irritation. “At least they encouraged my career. Mom took me to auditions, and I did a few commercials as a kid. That money is what I’ve been using to offset bills until I got my big break.”
“I like the idea that my book was a part of that ‘big break’ for both of us, financially,” Toni confessed.
“Me too.” Addie yawned. “We probably ought to sleep, as much as my body is starting to have other ideas. We have photos tomorrow.”
“And luncheon, and a book signing.”
“Open to the public?” Addie clarified. “They shipped photos from the show for me to sign, too. I’ve never done anything like that, and I’m nervous.”
“Sticky notes. That’s the secret. That way you can see how they spell their name.” Toni kissed the top of Addie’s head. Then she froze. It was a little gesture, but not exactly a friends gesture or friends-who-get-naked gesture. But Addie didn’t react. Instead, she sat up, pulled her hair over her shoulder, and braided it with far more speed and ease than Toni could ever have managed.
Then she met Toni’s eyes. “You are the best thing that’s happened to me this year, you know? Whatever this is between us, I like it.”
“I do, too,” Toni confessed. “You make me feel safe and like I want to protect you.”
“Same. I couldn’t do the things we did without that,” Addie saidquietly. “If I don’t have any comfort with someone, I can’t let them touch me.”
Toni nodded. “I need to be… hella aroused usually. I’m okay touching people, but there’s a…”
“Vulnerability,” Addie supplied.
“Yes. That. I don’t let everyone I take to bed touch me, and if they do, it’s often just hands.” Toni couldn’t remember ever sharing these sorts of details with a lover. “I’ve never let anyone do to me what I did with you.…”
“The vibe?”
“Yes.”
“With your control issues, that makes sense,” Addie said simply.
Toni chuckled. “To you.”
