“Ah.” Addie rose up on her knees. “I’ve noticed that.”
“Let me make you feel—”
Addie stood up and kissed Toni, cutting off the words she was about to say.
They weren’t untrue words, but they weren’t the whole truth. Toni felt vulnerable, feelings exposed and public as she’d watched this incredible woman walk toward her.
It’s an act. She’s an actor.
But it hadn’t felt like an act. The way Addie had looked at her made Toni feel like there was a truth there, a yearning for something Toni couldn’t have—or give Addie. What that meant was that Toni needed to put this thing between them back on familiar grounds. She needed to have control, to have Addie, to give her the only thing she could offer a woman: satisfaction.
Her arms wrapped around Addie as they kissed.
Then abruptly, Addie pulled back. “You feel overwhelmed,” she said astutely.
“It’s silly, but—”
“It’s not,” Addie interrupted, staring down at her. “I did, too, you know. Seeing you looking at me like that, and all those people watching.”
Toni rested her face on Addie’s chest. “Yes.”
“And you want to feel in control,” Addie finished softly. “I get that. Can we try something?”
Toni kissed the space between her breasts and leaned back. “Like what?”
Addie walked away and opened one of her bags. Toni watched her sort through clothes and pull out a small box. Addie straightened and looked over at Toni before she opened it. She walked over to the bed, and Toni felt her own vulnerability fade as Addie sat down on the edge of the bed instead of kneeling. There was a beautiful, naked woman who wanted Toni, who accepted her—hang-ups and all.
Addie’s cheeks were reddened as she held the box with both hands. “So I wasn’t sure if you’d… if we… I knew I’d want you, but after you didn’t call, I thought I’d be on my own.”
“I’m sorry. I swear I’ll call next—”
“I thought I’d be left to my owndevices,” Addie said louder.
Hearing the emphasis on that last word, Toni stared at the box. “Oh?”
“So I went shopping,” Addie said. “I haven’t used it yet.” She held the box out. “It has a remote.”
Still reclining on the bed, Toni opened the box, looking at thebright-purple vibrator and the discreet little remote control. “Who were you going to hand the remote to?”
“Myself.” Addie didn’t look away. “I thought it might feel more like someone else was in control if it was a remote. It has a music setting, too, so you cannot know when or how much it will vibrate.”
“I love your mind, Addie.” Toni stared at her with a small smile on her face. “Are you going to give me the remote?”
“Only if you let me touch you while you have that control…” Addie tilted her head slightly, challenge obvious in her expression. Her voice wavered as she said, “I want to have my mouth on you like you did with me. You can have this if I can have you.”
Toni felt a wave of desire that reminded her of how bold Addie was, and how much she’d craved that.Craved her.She looked at the vibrator again. “Did you wash this already?”
“I did.” Addie stared at her. “I wasn’t sure how long I’d be willing to wait after seeing you.”
Toni stared at her in awe, unable to think of words to explain what she was thinking and feeling in that moment. Addie’s admission that she was as overwhelmed by this yearning between them made Toni’s chest tighten.
Tentatively Addie suggested, “I could use it on you if you would rather—”
“No.” Toni shook her head. There were rules, limits that she hadn’t allowed anyone to cross. She wasn’t opposed to being touched, and sometimes she felt okay with having a woman’s mouth on her cunt. Reachingokayoften required a bit of whisky or a longer friendship. Toni was used to giving, not handing over control. And a vibe? Controlled by someone else? That was a step too far for her comfort, even with Addie.
“Your plan is good.… The first plan, I mean.”
“It’s okay to say no to things,” Addie said softly, taking Toni’s hand in hers. “Sex isn’t about just what one of us wants, you know? If you aren’t comfortable with my mouth on you… because Idon’t know what I’m doing or for whatever reason. It’s okay to tell me no.”
