“You follow a lot of rules, don’t you?” Addie asked quietly.
“My father was an alcoholic.” Toni held Addie’s gaze. “I typically don’t have more than two drinks on any day, andmostdays, I don’t drink at all.”
“I wasn’t judging you.” Addie took a long drink of water before she said, “So… new topic. Old topic, maybe? Your book is amazing. I mean, I’d still be here if not because I think you’re smart and incredibly sexy, but… I read it several times already—and not just because you named her after me or because of the show.”
“It’s a good name,” Toni deflected.
“It’s a really goodbook,and I bet a lot of people loved it. I just felt like I was there. In the 1800s, trying to be me but knowing that I couldn’t have it all if I was me. You really made me think about what it was like to be someone like us back then. I wantedthatAddie to find love, not just avoid marriage but fall in love.”
“You and a lot of readers.” Toni shook her head. “I do, too, but I think it was more important that she avoid being trapped in a marriage where she had to let a man paw at her because society lied and claimed women have no sex drive. I mean, we weren’t evenallowedto marry other women, and what with the lack of financial rights and legal rights and—”
“I get that,” Addie agreed, leaning forward in excitement. “But maybe inThe Widow’s Curse,you can give her hope. Womendidhave relationships. There was Anne Lister, of course.”
Toni sighed. “I know, and it would give me something to write about, at least. I mean, I have a mystery, but… it’s not writing itself like the first one did.”
“Pressure.” Addie nodded and continued, “I get that. Imagine trying to pull off the role of the character written by the only person you ever—”
“The only one, huh? The only person ever? Not just the only woman?” Toni’s brief moment of insecurity over her books was replaced by a look that was far from insecure. History and sex, those were clearly topics Addie could use to chase away Toni’s anxiety.
“Two nights in myentirelife,” Addie stressed. “Both with you. Hey, for all I know, it could be like those poor Victorians not knowing for sure if my lover is even good at sex. Maybe you’re simply mediocre—”
“Not likely.” Toni’s husky laugh felt like music.
“How would I know? Maybe I was simply aroused because it had been more than a year since anyone touched me,” Addie teased.
“So you need more proof then?”
“That seems like a sound plan.” Addie barely had the words out before she muffled her own little squeal of joy as Toni threaded her hand through Addie’s hair and kissed her breathless. Toni wasn’t the only person to everkissher, but she was the first to make Addie feel like a simple kiss could melt her bones. Addie felt her body pulse with hunger, as if knowing what could follow had made her crave Toni more.
When Toni pulled back, she asked, “Shall I demonstrate again, Adelaine?”
“Yes, please,” Addie whispered. This was it. Everything Addie had wanted. And they were going to see each other regularly at events for the show based on Toni’s book. Things were closer to perfect than Addie could have dreamed.
Get the job.
Get the woman.
Done and done.
Nothing was going to go wrong, not now that Toni was in her life.
Chapter 19Toni
Toni was barely awake when she crawled out of bed the next morning. That was the only excuse she had for looking back at Addie like she was some sort of sleeping princess come to change the ogre’s mood. Whatever was happening here wasn’t just sex, which was concerning Toni more than a little. She felt… safe with Addie. They’d gone to dinner and a walk on the beach, of all things, and as dawn threatened, reality hit hard. Toni was wrestling with how she felt about it, about Addie, about whatever the hell this was.
She’s fucking incredible.
She deserves better than me.
If not for the sex, it would be fine. They’d be at the edge of a great friendship. If not for the talking, it would be fine. They’d be at the edge of an excellent hookup without strings. Combining the two felt dangerous.
I could actually fall for her.
Except Toni didn’t do relationships.I told her that, and she still stayed.Giving that much power to another person was exactly why her mother was miserable and had been for decades. It was why Toni had to find a way to provide for Lilian Darbyshire in her onset of memory loss and widowhood. And unlike her mother, Toni would have no children to save her if she trusted someone.
Not that I’d ask that of a child if I did have one!
Real relationships simply weren’t on the table. Ever. They couldn’t be. Toni wasn’t designed for them, and she had all the proof in the world that love was a lie.
